Copypasta thread - Mmmm pasta

[Begemot]

I've been with a few women in my life and one thing I've noticed is that the female anus is incredibly close to the vagina, in fact they're barely an inch apart.

I'm not sure about other guys - but doesn't this disturb you? It feel like a design flaw in women actually -- like they're supposed to be so feminine and beautiful yet this ghastly little oversight is ruining everything.

Somehow it feels to me that women should be more aware of this flaw and it should affect their confidence. Whenever I see a so-called beautiful woman walking down the street so care-free thinking she's all that I just remember her anus is only 1 inch away from her pussy and laugh her into oblivion.

Women: Please accept that they're too close together, let it negatively affect your confidence and so make yourselves more readily available sexually as a result. Afterall, we're having to sleep with a creature whos ANUS is only 1 inch away from the vagina --- you should not make this difficult. It's unappetizing enough as it is. We're doing you a favour.

Men: Do not let women forget this flaw, and do not forgive them for it. Remind them of it constantly less they get inflated egos and think they're all that

They're just too close together, sorry, but its true.

 

[Skitarii]

I (28) think my girlfriend (26) has been using my gym socks to wipe after going to the bathroom.

I don't even know where to start with this. I'm dumbfounded. She just stormed out the house and I'm sitting on the bed asking myself A LOT of questions.

I live a pretty normal life, and I thought so did my girlfriend. We've been together for a few months and after things got serious, we moved in together. We started sharing a lot of the household responsibilities, but the one thing she was adamant on doing was the laundry. She would come home and find me in the bedroom getting the laundry together and would quickly ask me to go do something else. I'd come back to finish the laundry and she would have already started it. I always thought it was sweet and never her job to do it alone, but hey, if it makes her happy to do it all the time, I wouldn't stop her.

This is where it takes a turn for the weird. I keep all my socks and underwear in the bottom drawer of my dresser. I also go to the gym frequently, so I always keep a good supply of clean gym socks ready to go. I never kept count, but I know by just a visual glance I several pairs. This morning when I went to grab a fresh pair to pack for the gym, I noticed there were several dress socks, but no gym socks. Again, not weird, they must have been in the laundry. I went to check the laundry basket and it was empty, so I checked the washing machine and dryer. Both were empty. I couldn't figure out where all of my gym socks had gone. So, I did the very natural thing of asking my girlfriend what had happened to them. After all, she is the one who does the laundry all the time. She went silent, turned red and ran out of the room. When I went after her to see if she was okay she wouldn't talk to me. I told her I wasn't mad, I was just looking for my socks. She kinda mumbled "I'll don't know." I still wasn't mad, of course, but I was super confused. Socks just don't disappear. So I asked her again, even laughed about it and she just looked at me and got mad and said "I'll buy you new ones!"

The first thought that went through my head was she had somehow managed to destroy my socks while washing them. I thought the sight of that was actually pretty funny, so I joked with her about ruining my socks. Wrong. Thing. To. Say. She started immediately crying. Like, full on sobbing. At this point I don't care about the socks anymore, I want to know what's wrong with my girlfriend. I sat down next to her on the bed and put my arm around her and asked her of she was okay. She just kept saying she was sorry and that she would buy me new socks. I tried assuring her again it was okay. Even went so far as to say I would buy new socks and she didn't have to. I sat with her for a few minutes trying to calm her down and eventually had to get ready for work. I told her loved her and got my things together to leave for the day.

On my way out I grabbed the garbage to take outside. When I got outside I lifted the lid off the garbage can and I noticed a small plastic bag sitting on top of the garbage already in there. I could see through the bag (kind of the semi see through ones) there were socks in the bag. Since I was sure she had somehow managed to ruin the socks washing them, I wanted to see for myself. I opened the bag and immediately regretted my choice. There, inside the bag, were several pairs of my gym socks covered in what looked like poop. As soon as the smell hit me I knew it WAS POOP.

We don't own any pets.

We don't have any kids.

WHOSE POOP WAS ON MY SOCKS?

Work could wait. I couldn't go the rest of the day wondering why my gym socks were covered in poop and inside a plastic bag in the garbage can. I grabbed the bag and walked back inside. As soon as my girlfriend saw the bag she flipped out and started yelling at me. She said I shouldn't be going through the garbage and that I was disgusting for bringing it back into the house. I asked her to calm down and that I just wanted an answer as to why there was poop on my socks. I wasn't blaming her of anything, but she started accusing me of blaming her. That's when it clicked. I don't know what it was that lead me to ask this, but everything leading up to this moment had just been so crazy. I asked her "Is this your poop?" She started sobbing again and ran out of the house. I didn't go after her this time.

So, now I am sitting on my bed with a bag a poopy socks on the floor and a lot of questions in my head. The only conclusion is that she used them after going to the bathroom. Which that alone has its own set of questions above everything else. I sent her text asking her to come back. She hasn't responded yet. I don't even know what I'm going to say when (IF) she gets back.

UPDATE:

I had to leave for work and am now at work. Yes, I threw away the bag of poopy socks. She texted me back and she's clearly embarrassed, but felt she owed me an explanation. She said she didn't want to talk about it in person and that we could discuss it over texting and to NOT bring it up in person. I'm condensing the conversation and filling in some gaps as best as I can. Her responses are super short, but I'm getting the idea.

I flat out asked her if it was a fetish. It is not a fetish. She confessed to using the socks after going to the bathroom. I found the reason she always does the laundry is because she was hiding the fact that she uses socks to wipe with, primarily her own. I had no reason to question the amount of socks she ever has because who pays attention to that kind of thing? She thought I would notice and think it was weird since she doesn't own many socks. She admitted she has done this for a long time. Her reasoning, as best as I can understand, is that because she is a germaphobe (her word) and she is afraid toilet paper will tear and is afraid of getting her hands messy in ANY WAY. She uses socks because it covers her entire hand. After she's done with them, she throws them away. She used mine because she didn't have other socks.

So, my girlfriend has a fear of getting poop on her hands so she wipes with socks, and has done so for a lone time. It could be worse, I guess. I hope we can laugh about this later. I'm trying to find the humor in it now, but I'm still weirded out.

 

[LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]]

What I would give to kidnap Warwick Davis and make his life a living hell. I would force him to dress up in elf and leprechaun outfits and subject him to pure awfulness and humiliation. Just terrible degradation and shameful acts. It would be so easy to break his spirit and drive him to suicide, but I wouldn't let him do it. If I could train a dog to rape on command then I would totally do that as well. A really big dog like a mastiff. He would be so completely and utterly powerless to stop it, not to mention terrified. A big ass dog is even scary and life-threatening to a normal human but to a midget? Might as well be a dragon. I'd keep him in a cell and what's more is that I would actually place the key inside with him but put it in a high place. Not extremely high but just ever so slightly out of reach. It would drive him mad. I would dress him like a baby and force feed him 99 cent store baby food. I'd also pick him up like a child and toss him from one corner to the next. I'd grab him by one leg and swing him as hard and as fast as I could then hurl him to see how far he goes. I'd rent one of those giant inflatable bounce houses and body slam him all day until my arms got tired. I'd hold him down with 1 hand and slowly stick things up his butt just to see him squirm. I would stick him in dryers and turn them on and leave him in there for long periods of time. I'd force him to fight other midgets to the death. Just so many things i would do.

 

[Begemot]

Every ntr lover is an ethnic manlet incel or ugly fat chick. Every single one.
These subhumans are what happens when narcissists have to face the reality they will never be loved by anyone. The people close to them at best tolerate them if they are family, but everyone else avoids them like the maggot covered dogshit they are.
You might think they aren't hurting anyone. You'd be wrong. They promote the idea that as long as the cunt feels good in the end it's ok, infantalizing women. They argue that good men deserve this for superficial reasons, dehumanizing men.
Left unchecked, their misanthropic garbage view of reality seeps out, ordinary men lose incentive to keep shit running, women die miserable and kids grow up in broken households. Do you like having running water and electricity? Then why tolerate people who want the people keeping that shit afloat to get cucked.
In summary, ntr fags are not human beings. They think themselves superior the way a cockroach does before getting smashed. Ignore them, beat them if they force themselves on you. They deny the humanity of literally everyone else in their shitty oneshot garbage, give them a taste of their own medicine. If they get treated harshly enough they'll commit suicide and humanity will be spared their disgusting behavior forever.

 

[TheRetardKing]

Warning: This disc is for use with a Sega CD system only.

This disc contains CD ROM data, and is not for audio use.

Please press stop on your disc player now.

This disc contains CD ROM data, that may damage your audio system.

Please stop playing this disc immediately.

 

[Begemot]

Imagine being Mike Stoklasa from 'Best of the Worst'. Completely soulless, drenched with sorrow and smite. Always wondering when he will be rid of this terrible damp, the damp which has weighed down his heart like a waterlogged mattress.

Imagine being so jaded, so disgusted with yourself, that drinking 5 beers before filming any RLM series is the only thing which will make you feel half the man you think you are.

'Hahaha, yes that is funny' Mike says, under the intoxication of alcohol. Acting as if it is his natural demeanor.

His pseudo-smiles grinding together like an un-oiled cog, counting every second it takes to get through another episode of BoTW.

 

[Alurker_1266]

Hey buddy, if you keep pinging the owner without any serious or specific reason the last thing you're gonna see is my boots kicking you out from this server, and you'll never be able to get back again, you got it? I am taking this matter very seriously since you've pinged multiple amounts of staffs to a situation that doesn't require any security actions, this will be the last warning from us and if you continue the same action persist I will have every rights to either timeout, kick or permanently ban you off our place. You have broke rule number 2 and rule number 5, you need to be respectful to every server members especially the ones who newly joined, take personal arguments to DMs so that everyone could be comfortable chatting within all our channels, if you ignore or try to make another excuse saying you haven't read the rules, that means you have broke rule number 1 and rule number 8.
Breaking multiple rules is a very serious offense, you are lucky I still gave you a chance and only give you a warning.

 

[WTBOnlineFather]

域名注册机构 Domain Registrars 意事故 Consent Accident 方禮真 Liz Fong-Jones 跨性别生命线 Trans LifeLine 慈善欺诈 Charity Fraud 蜂巢印度洋 Honeycomb Indian Ocean 飓风电力 Tier 1 ISP 一级ISP

 

[Thunk Provoker]

https://archive.ph/sQVbh#selection-6051.0-6053.1

I've been here a couple of years now and I'm still desperately struggling to understand why people downvote certain things on Reddit. Take for example this post: I took the time to articulate the nature of and reason for my post, provided clear context cues, and overall, the post is well written in a coherent, easy-to-follow prose complete with impeccable grammar and punctuation.

In addition, I provided a thoughtful piece of original, creative writing that is a worthy contribution in and of itself if for nothing other than its comical value alone. If all that wasn't enough, I did all of this for the sake of the betterment of the overall mod community and to increase knowledge and awareness. I would call this post nothing short of "wholesome" whether you like me or not.

In spite of all this, my post is currently sitting with a score of ZERO and a 35% upvote rate. Talk about kicking someone while they're down. I'm already at ZERO, but you just keep clicking that downvote button. How petty can a person be?

This is particularly upsetting because the whole point of my post was to learn whether there is any rule against entering a message that contains profanity into an automated moderation tool. I think that question alone is not only totally relevant, but also a valuable one that deserves to be answered because the answer provides knowledge and guidance that is otherwise undocumented.

I'm sorry, but why do poorly formed questions posted sloppily into the post title with no body to even so much as provide context get 20, 30, or more upvotes, while mine is getting buried into oblivion? Please explain this to me. What is it? I just don't matter to you as a person? I'm just a post on Reddit for you to pick on today and make you feel all big and important? You want to really show me how much you disagree with what I choose to do with my life? Sorry to break it to you, but I have over 38,000 Karma. Downvote all you want. I couldn't care less.

What I do care about, however, is the insidious effect you people have on the overall health of this community and every other one like it. All you're doing by continuing to downvote this post is decreasing the chances of it being seen and answered. Not only is that extremely rude, but it also shows that you don't care about this community. Unlike me, someone who is contributing to it, all you're doing is taking away from it.

I'm a moderator of NSFW subreddits, and whether you like or agree with that or not, I'm here trying to do good things. Maybe if we all embraced each other and lifted each other up in support of a common goal (making Reddit a better place for us all), you wouldn't have so much against NSFW communities in the first place. The reason most NSFW subreddits are run in such a piss-poor fashion is that the moderators lack support and people who disagree with NSFW in general want to stifle them with their downvote button in the hopes that they'll make a run for it in fear of losing their precious Karma.

The "Downvote" (AKA "I don't agree with you so I'm going to kill you with a thousand paper cuts") culture is sickening and toxic, not to mention passive-aggressive. You make posting on Reddit worse than being in an abusive relationship. Stop being a coward and learn to communicate like an adult. Leave a comment stating the nature of your disagreement. Just like every other abuser out there, I feel sorry for you. Your behavior is morally reprehensible and, quite frankly, pathetic. Grow up.

 

[Begemot]

I take it to the next level. All those coomblins you see are half-goblins in the same way that there are half-elves, half-orcs, half-ogres and the like. Except unlike in those cases half-goblins are much more populous to the point where there are more half-goblins than there are purebloods. The more human blood a half-goblin has, the less she looks like a, well, goblin. But goblin blood is very resistant to being fully diluded, so even if a goblin bloodline has been mating pressed by humans for close to a dozen generations they never quite stop looking like goblins. For some reason the goblin genome manages to dig up the best part about the human one, making them plumper, softer and curvier. Female goblins develop large breasts, thick thighs, wide hips and plump asses, while male goblins lean towards being a bunch of soft-skinned twinks with dump truck asses. By comparison, pureblooded goblins are skinny, lanky and have sharper facial features.

Another difference is their fecundity. Pureblooded goblins have short gestation times and much larger litters (d6+6), while half-bloods are closer to humans in this regard. Half-goblins also tend to live longer due to better food, shelter, access to medicine and the like: old age for them is in their 60s (a comparible human would be 80-ish) compared to the 40s for purebloods. Plus, the city-dwelling half-goblins are less likely to die of natural causes such as wolves.

A half-goblin's sex will match that of their goblin parent's: female goblins will always have daughters with non-goblin men and vice versa. Goblins mating with each other have the regular 50/50 split. This is why once every few generations goblin families will breed with other goblins to more or less even out the gene pool, giving them a stronger baseline as a species. This also makes it possible for the less desirable, more pureblooded, goblins to have non-goblins join their bloodline.

For goblin women human men are an easy sell: marry this man who will provide for you, protect you, care for you and your children and all you need to do is be a good wife, care for his kids and get your brains fucked out by a massive cock on the regular. Goblin penises are proportionate to their bodies like with humans, so even an underachieving human man is packing an absolute womb stuffer in a goblin's eyes. Goblins are quite stretchy compared to humans, and they also greatly enjoy anal. This is because in the olden times goblins lacked access to birth control (herbal, chemical, magical, you name it), so they took up anal to deal with their urges. Goblin asses can take large insertions even better than they can from the front, so a (relatively) hung partner can absolutely go to town on a goblin's back door.

In bed goblins of both sexes talk a big game, but they are very easy to dominate (both in a physical and in a sexual sense). Goblin women love being manhandled, lifted up during sex, be used as sex toys and getting mating pressed, of course resulting in a big warm sticky creampie. Goblins are quite sensitive and have very short refractory periods, making it easy to get one off and ready for another round. A human man who paces himself and doesn't let the obscene reactions from his partner get to his head can get a goblin off (2d3) times before climaxing himself. Male goblins by comparison have a weakness to femdom and while they shoot their shot quickly, they only need a minute or so to get back up (and even less if they are "motivated" properly) for another round, and can also last (2d3) times before getting their partner off. Goblins of both sexes can move like jackhammers in bed, but they can't keep that up for extended amounts of time before getting off themselves.

Any other questions regarding the subject of goblin fucking?

 

[Kiwi & Cow]

How to destroy the FBI:

- don’t vape
- don’t smoke weed
- don’t get vaxxed
- don’t watch porn
- lift weights weekly
- prioritize his sleep
- eats lots of steak & pasture raised eggs
- don’t drink tap water
- don’t use AirPods
- listen to a podcast over music
- cook with butter, ghee, tallow, EVOO
- don't eat & drink out of plastic
- use fluoride free toothpaste
- don’t douse yourself in sunscreen
- don’t wear aluminum deodorant
- wear 100% cotton underwear
- don’t trust the government
- don’t black out every weekend
- cold plunge and sauna 3-4x a week
- get daily sunlight & grounding upon rising
- knows birth control is poison
- uses natural remedies when sick
- have some type of daily spiritual practice
- have hobbies and passions in his life
- brotherhood to build businesses with

https://nitter.net/SuspectFed/status/1728528373960601643#m

 

[murph]

Do you understand gender, you fuck? Yeah, call the police on gender normativity, thank you. Are you the manager? Obviously not, you lied about that, you fucking prick.

Lie, lie, lie.

It's fucking SIR!

So what is your gender, lady? Hey, lady, sexy lady, where that butt going, shitty lady, come here, little girl. You fucking whore.

SHIT!

You called me bitch, you fucking bitch nigger!

 

[An Sionnach Seang]

man & girl go out to drive under moonlight. they stop at on at a side of road. he turn to his girl and say: "baby, i love you very much"
"what is it honey?"
"our car is broken down. i think the engine is broken, ill walk and get some more fuel."
"ok. ill stay here and look after our stereo. there have been news report of steres being stolen."
"good idea. keep the doors locked no matter what. i love you sweaty"

so the guy left to get full for the car. after two hours the girl say "where is my baby, he was supposed to be back by now". then the girl here a scratching sound and a voice say "LET ME IN"

the girl doesn't do it and then after a while she goes to sleep. the next morning she wakes up and finds her boyfriend still not there. she gets out to check and man door hand hook car door.

 

[Kiwi & Cow]

Cats were bred to be our fuck toys. They are soft and slender little furballs of sex. Their lean strong and nimble legs just make me so fucking hard.

You guys think Im shitposting but im not. Have you ever tried putting your dick into a tight little cat pussy? They fucking love it. I don't reccomend doing it unless they sre in heat. But when your cat is in heat they will literally stick their asses in the air and beg to be fucked. And you would be surprised at the size of cock their tight little fuck holes can accomidate. Its crazy.

And do you know why cats purr? Its so the can vibrate and stimulate human cock while its inside them. And believe it or not cats crave human cock more than those sadistic barbed sadist cocks that male cats are endowed with.

They are elegant and sleek apex predatory fuck toys. Natures adorable loyal little dominatrixes. Nothing will ever satisfy your sexual desires more than a pussies tight little pussy. As a good cat owner, nay as a good human being its your duty to give cats the one thing they want most and that is your cock. As I said before they will literally beg for you to fuck them, and you are only lying to yourself if you think you don't want to. Why is it so many horny young men like cat girls and furries? Its only natural, so there is no need to feel bad or disgusted with what you truly desire deep down and that is the real deal cat gf.

I encourage you all to try it. You can thank me later after you and your cat are thoroughly satisfied after making sweet passionate love to eachother all night. After all. There is a reason egyptians revered them as gods. They are gods, gods of fertility and love as far as Im concerned. And I am a devout worshipper of these godesses. They give my live more pleasure and meaning than any human woman could ever hope to provide. Women see me with my cat and they see how happy we are together and they get jeleaous because they know I've found something far better than a woman. Meow.

 

[AnOminous]

So you've finally shown your true colors, haven't you null? Guess these trannies brought out the real Joshua Moon, the biggest DSP simp and cuck on the fucking internet.

Mr. Freespeech over here, parading his ass to various garbage podcasts like Nick Rekieta's and other internet fucking losers acting like you were some paragon of protecting free speech when your thin skinned ass bitch just demonstrated to everyone that you only agree with the speech that you deem valuable enough to be on your site.

It's telling that you hate the DSP subforum so fucking much, you actually were okay with keffals (fucking keffals, the disgusting degenerate that has rendered your site into an impotent vagabond of the internet, being kicked out of every domain and webhosting platform) and congratulated him on grifting his fans for over $100,000 to be spent on hookers on cocaine, off the back of the only thing left in your life that has given you any relevancy.

You have lost the fucking plot. You have become the armchair dictator you've warned everybody about and you've unilaterally made a decision to prevent thousands of members discussing a cow they find amusing simply because you feel that the last few years of content and happenings around DSP were not triggered by DSP don't make him a valid cow. Who the fuck made you the arbitter or who's a cow or not? The litmus test has always been: put your dumbass on the internet, ask for money, we're going to make a thread on you.

When people pester courts and public records office for information about CWC, it's cool, that's content. But when someone mildly fucks with DSP's internet settings for like 24 hours, that's the biggest crime against humanity and this type of behavior has no place on this forum.

Sanctimonious, holier-than-thou, crusading faggot.

I regret ever sending you a fucking dollar to support what I thought was free speech on this website.

Fool me once, shame on you. Twice, definitely on me.

 

[Sparkling Yuzu]

I'm not sure if this is a pasta but it deserves to be:

When I meet people and they try to hook me up with whatever single mother, recovering drug addict, or perenially single obese friend, I talk about "androids" as my top choice for a marriage companion. Originally it was joking, as in I wouldn't find a companion worth risking my life on until science has left me in the grave, until these dolls came around.
There is something primal, deep seated, and reactionary about how women respond to the idea of a guy forgoing their kind altogether and going for a robot. Even if you're joking, it seems to touch a real nerve in there, as if their whole ponzi scheme will be upended if someone tries out a doll and says "aw shit dude, why was I wasting so much effort dating? This is 80% of the satisfaction with none of the risk or work."

I forsee lots more of these spinsters, self-styled sexperts, eternal college student lefties and the like banding together to fight all these terrible machines. They'll say only perverts want them, that all the customers are pedos looking for a kiddie doll to practice on, that they all have torture fetishes that will be empowered by this. Maybe they'll bring back that "dolls need to be programmed to demand and receive consent prior to copulation".

Logically, women should be pumped, because the guys who go for dolls probably aren't in the desireable portion of their dating pool anyway. Who cares if the guy who should be managing the blockbuster franchise down the street has a doll? He wasn't on your radar. But there's that worry that he won't be the only one.
That nagging feeling in the back of her head as she sees a picture she was tagged in, one she didn't notice in time to suck in her paunch and push out her chest while holding her chin out in that perfect angle. That little voice worrying that even if she doesn't get into her first choice of hubby, her 'safety school' nerd friend isn't even gonna chase her now that he's got that robot.
Maybe I'm the outlier, but I've worked with dudes who travel non-stop and spend a lot of time away from home. They almost all get cheated on or tossed out by their gf/wives. I've met a couple dudes who have these dolls at home because it helps get rid of that sexual urge and it's easy on the eyes when they sit it on the couch next to them. (Or, as one dude does, put it in the back seat of your car to use the carpool lane, with limo tint on the rear it's totally normal) I knew an older dude who bought his after he lost interest in risking another divorce. He's in shape, has all his hair, is 55 and makes $20k/month in his "fun" job, and about $400k in his day job. He's a gold diggers' wet dream, and instead of risking a pregnancy scare he's pumping loads into a glob of silicone. A lifeless, soft body that can lie back and take a dick in silence.

It's sad to say, but that' is the competition that is so threatening to modern woman. They'll immediately snap with
"Oh will a doll do your laundry? Will it cook and clean? Will it welcome you home? Will it take care of your kids? HMMMM?" to which any guy who's met the modern woman can only say "Of course not, but you won't either."

In a time where just the simplest of relationship duties, talking about your day! - is backbreaking "emotional labor" tantamount to low-level abuse, just the simple act of lifeless starfish pose and allowing a titty squeeze is the silver bullet to ruin the entire female grift. It's depressing how far we've all fallen.

 

[Amanda Byrnes]

If you think coon is a racist fucking comment then you don’t know what you’re talking about. Fucking online cowards. I’m sorry but coon isn’t racist. I use coonery all the time. I’m going to tell you, coonery and coon is basically being a black stereotype. So what you see on Meek Mill’s Instagram is coonery. He’s your typical black person showing ice, whips, money, doing what typical niggas do. That’s what coonery is. So when I see some guy with the screen name like Free Gucci, that’s coonery, you’re being a stereotype. You guys understand? Yeah I mean clearly I’m black, I wouldn’t use the term if I didn’t know what it meant. Am I a coon? No cause I’m not a stereotype.

 

[Neurotypical Mantis]

Kill pedophiles. Behead pedophiles. Roundhouse kick a pedophile into the concrete. Slam dunk a pedophile into the trashcan. Crucify filthy pedophiles. Defecate in a pedophile's food. Launch pedophiles into the sun. Stir fry pedophiles in a wok. Toss pedophiles into active volcanoes. Urinate into a pedophile's gas tank. Judo throw pedophiles into a wood chipper. Twist pedophiles' heads off. Report pedophiles to the IRS. Karate chop pedophiles in half. Curb stomp pedophiles.

 

[Cats]

Hello. My name is Johmy Smith. I know that creatures1101, is your pass word. You don't know me and you will be thinking, why I have received of this mail, right? Well I have actually placed mine virus on to your computer. I placed a malware on the porno website and guess what, you visited that web site to have fun (you know it). While you were watching this sex your web browser acted as the remote desk top (RDP) and the keylogger had shown me access to your file. I have gathered the webcame data. Right after that my soft ware gathers your contact's from Messeger, Facebook, Istagram etc., and e-mail account. What exactly did I do? I made the splitscreen video of you. First part i have recorded was your video viewing (you have got a fine taste haha), and next part recorded you from the webcam pleasing (Yep! its you doing nasty things!) What should you do? Well i believe 1900 dollar is the fair price for Google. or i will show your family the video if you havent' send me the bitcoins. BTC address to send below, it is bc1qz0581jkio19msnm2nlksn5jnjfnw6jwe7r6jnj52xe regards, Johny Smith

 

[An Sionnach Seang]

(this is much funnier when read in a broad Australian accent)

Aight fam. Ain't no slang out there that is bad. Quit acting like a beta cuck, I'm just saying. You can't keep getting triggered when you hear some hella wavey slang my man. 2016 was on f-leek when it came the slangalanging. Shit was lit fam, fetch, if I may. Lodok, I'm like you. I lost faith in humanity, but I learned to become better. I feel like I need to explain this story before I can explain how I learned to keep it . I was living la vida loca with my bae. Name was Kerry. Kerry was the bomb. Total badonkadonk and knew exactly how to grt crunk in bed. The coitus was #hashtagtotesmcgoats the bomb diggity. So one day, after I let the spermlets go, I went to wash up in the bathroom. I saw her phone on the bathroom counter and went to give it to her. What I saw...oh man, I was hella woke. Some fuckboy snd his whole SQUAD were sending bae nudes. I felt like the biggest cuck on the planet. Shit was not flames boi. I was literally triggered. But I gotta say, I got a stiffy from that shit, no homo. I didn't confront my girlfriend, but I pulled the most savage shit the next day. Pulled out my glock, traced the guys number and found him. Knocked on the door. This was it. I heard footsteps. It's all YOLO from here. He asked "Who is it", and I said in the most low key Bruce willis-esque impression I had and said, "IT'S ME BITCH! THE CUCK WHOSE BAE YOU AND YOUR WHOLE SQUAD WERE BANGING!" I fired the whole damn mag into the door. I kick the door open, and looks for the rest of his squad. Didn't find him, but there were hella thots in the basement. This boi was running a whole sex trafficking ring. I freed 'em all, and they thanked me. I was recognizdd by my state as "swag af", because of how lit I was saving those girls. Bro, I was so excited when they gave me the key to the coty. I was finna nut.