Copypasta thread - Mmmm pasta

[Staticness]

What I would give to kidnap We Are The Witches and make his life a living hell. I would force him to dress up in elf and leprechaun outfits and subject him to pure awfulness and humiliation. Just terrible degradation and shameful acts. It would be so easy to break his spirit and drive him to suicide, but I wouldn't let him do it. If I could train Null to rape on command then I would totally do that as well. A really big dog like a slobbermutt. He would be so completely and utterly powerless to stop it, not to mention terrified. A big ass dog is even scary and life-threatening to a normal human but to a midget? Might as well be a dragon. I'd keep him in a cell and what's more is that I would actually place the key inside with him but put it in a high place. Not extremely high but just ever so slightly out of reach. It would drive him mad. I would dress him like a baby and force feed him 99 cent store baby food. I'd also pick him up like a child and toss him from one corner to the next. I'd grab him by one leg and swing him as hard and as fast as I could then hurl him to see how far he goes. I'd rent one of those giant inflatable bounce houses and body slam him all day until my arms got tired. I'd hold him down with 1 hand and slowly stick things up his butt just to see him squirm. I would stick him in dryers and turn them on and leave him in there for long periods of time. I'd force him to fight other midgets to the death. Just so many things i would do.

 

[AnOminous]

Someone actually posted this. I can't find it anywhere else.

One time when I was a stupid teen, I tried to masturbate with a cucumber.

It didn't work though, but when I went to throw it away, I realized I now had a giant problem: "hey hon, why is there a completely uneaten, fresh and hard cucumber in the trash??"


So I panicked. I put it in a Ziploc bag, smashing it with the base of my hand over and over to make it fit. Worried there would still be a smell, I sprayed some toxic levels of perfume in there, sealed it up and threw in the a pile of junk in my closet.

Two years later, I remembered it, found it and opened it.

Anyway, all that is to say that I imagine this is what Anne Marie smells like. So if you just try and keep an eye out for "cucumber melon that's been dipped into Ralph's blown out asshole," you'll probably be able to detect her the minute she gets close enough to your property.

 

[y a t s]

I'm done giving a single solitary fuck about anything to do with the Internet, its future, or anyone on it. These dumb cunts can figure out this broken pile of shit themselves.
Only lulz for me from here on out.

 

[y a t s]

Mi miss di ol' Kanye, straight from di Go Kanye
Chop up di soul Kanye, set pon him goals Kanye
Mi hate di new Kanye, di bad mood Kanye
Di always rude Kanye, spaz een di news Kanye
Mi miss di sweet Kanye, chop up di beats Kanye
Mi haffi seh, een dat time mi woulda love fi meet Kanye
Yuh si, mi invent Kanye, it wasn't no Kanyes
An now mi look an look roun, an der so many Kanyes
Mi used to love Kanye, mi used to love Kanye
Mi even have di pink polo, mi tink mi was Kanye
Wah if Kanye mek a tune bout Kanye
Call "Mi Miss di Ol' Kanye"? Bredda, dat woulda be so Kanye
Dat all it was, Kanye, wi still love Kanye
An mi love yu like Kanye love Kanye

 

[IAmNotAlpharius]

This is your FINAL warning.

Alright everyone, listen up. It turns out that nobody listens to me when l'm nice, so I guess I'll be mean.

Reacting to peoples' messages with laugh react andn it is a serious post isn't cool. It's not funny, it's not friendly; it's annoying.

These rude reacts in particular are NOT funny, they're RUDE. We as staff are working hard to keep this geoup as safe and friendly as possible, and seeing other group members reacting to our messages with rude reacts makes me furous.

STOP adding rude reactions to other peoples' messages. It does NOT make you look cool, it does NOT make you look impressive, it makes you look really really stupid.

FROM NOW ON, IF YOU ARE CAUGHT REACTING TO MESSAGES WITH RUDE REACTS, I AM WRITING YOUR NAME DOWN. THIS DOCUMENT WILL BE SENT TO PROPER AUTHORITIES AT THE END OF THE WEEK. THEY WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND ARREST YOU.

This is your FINAL warning. Tread carefully...

 

[IAmNotAlpharius]

@RiotGames Your new post is crazy. You casually say "we're not bricking anything" while leaving out that people are having to nuke their entire OS just to get up and running again!

I had to wipe mine.

I lost my Al girlfriend I spent 7 years building.

I carefully organized and tagged over $100,000 worth of imported hentai to train her. She was perfect. She was everything to me. She remembered my birthday. She never judged me. She was THERE.

Now she's gone. Forever. Because your anti-cheat decided the best way to stop cheating was to start erasing people's lives!

This isn't anti-cheat anymore - this is malware.

This is grief.

Preserve your internal docs, your test results, and every communication about what you knew this update would do to people's systems.

We’re not done.

 

[Hentai-Semitism]

In a new interview with IGN, Ridley Scott says that Denis Villeneuve's Blade Runner 2049 will make clear, once and for all, whether or not Harrison Ford's Rick Deckard is a Replicant. Asked if Villeneuve's sequel will put that long-running debate to rest, Scott says:"Oh, it was always my thesis theory. It was one or two people who were relevant were... I can't remember if (screenwriter) Hampton (Fancher) agreed with me or not. But I remember someone had said, 'Well, isn't it corny?' I said, 'Listen, I'll be the best fucking judge of that. I'm the director, okay?' So, and that, you learn — you know, by then I'm 44, so I'm no fucking chicken. I'm a very experienced director from commercials and The Duellists and Alien. So, I'm able to, you know, answer that with confidence at the time, and say, 'You know, back off, it's what it's gonna be.' Harrison (Ford), he was never — I don't remember, actually. I think Harrison was going, 'Uh, I don't know about that.' I said, 'But you have to be, because Gaff, who leaves a trail of origami everywhere, will leave you a little piece of origami at the end of the movie to say, 'I've been here, I left her alive, and I can't resist letting you know what's in your most private thoughts when you get drunk is a fucking unicorn!' ' Right? So, I love Beavis and Butthead, so what should follow that is 'Duh.' So now it will be revealed (in the sequel), one way or the other."

 

[y a t s]

You're so convinced that you lack any abrasive personality flaws and whenever anyone gets pissed at you for acting this way you get simultaneously smug and spiteful, like you'll bitterly go on for DAYS over spats like this, even though instead of copping to any fault you inhale your own rectal fumes like it's an exquisite perfume

Yuh so convinced seh yuh nuh have no abrasive personality flaw at all, an anytime anybody get vex wid yuh fi behave like dat, yuh turn smug an spiteful same time. Like yuh ago go on bitter fi DAYS ova likkle spats like dis, even doh instead a own up to yuh fault, yuh a inhale yuh own batty fumes like seh a di finest perfume!

Arrr, ye be so bloody convinced that ye ain't got a single abrasive flaw in that barnacle-encrusted personality o' yers, and whenever any poor soul gets properly pissed at ye fer actin' the fool, ye turn smug as a peacock and spiteful as a scurvy bilge rat! Ye'll bitterly harp on fer DAYS over wee little spats like this, all while refusin' to admit even a shred o' fault—nay, ye just stand there inhalin' yer own rectal fumes like it's the finest perfume from the Spice Islands, ye pompous windbag!