Cooking with Chef Thomas Jay Wasserberg - ITT: Culinary Abominations Against the Lord to Rival Scalfani &/or DSP

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Once again Tommy decides to share a foul concoction and pretend it's fucking delicious. So of course I'll share some actual food again because fuck you Tom;
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homemade potato soup, Tom. Tasty, delicious and none of the ingredients came out of a dumpster. Were talking, ham, bacon, red skin potatoes and my favorite part...rivels. Once again this is more than enough to feed two people for a few days.
Let's see you step up your game, Tom.
 
MasterDisaster dijo:
Once again Tommy decides to share a foul concoction and pretend it's fucking delicious. So of course I'll share some actual food again because fuck you Tom;
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homemade potato soup, Tom. Tasty, delicious and none of the ingredients came out of a dumpster. Were talking, ham, bacon, red skin potatoes and my favorite part...rivels. Once again this is more than enough to feed two people for a few days.
Let's see you step up your game, Tom.
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That looks like the tip of a finger surrounded by tumors and cartilage, served in a hollandaise and mucus broth.

:story:
 
Zeitgeist dijo:
Tom took a fat shit in a pot and ate it.

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I like how he lists all these spices when in reality he probably goes outside, picks a couple leafs off some tree, then takes those leafs inside and grinds them up into his new "#FoodPorn" creation

In all seriousness what the fuck are his taste buds, he's literally eating curry with way too much red pepper/garbage spices in it- not to mention that "leftover chicken" is probably absolutely rancid shit
 
Way too many spices. He just took everything in the spice rack and dumped it in at random with no rhyme or reason.

Annie dijo:
In all seriousness what the fuck are his taste buds, he's literally eating curry with way too much red pepper/garbage spices in it- not to mention that "leftover chicken" is probably absolutely rancid shit
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The spices are probably a hobo's idea of how to cover up the taste of decay in the rotting hobo garbage he's eating.
 
Zeitgeist dijo:
The more horrifying thought is how fucking dirty his cooking space is. It's not so much the literal dumpster garbage he's eating but the dust bunnies, cobwebs, hair and insects that get cooked along with it.
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Those insects are probably the cleanest thing in his house. Even cockroaches have standards!
 
Mariana Tucsonese with Ticks and Chiggers
Steak Tartar Burger with Diaperbag and Bacterial Glaze
Stuffed Smoked Oyster and Deadskin Avocados
Pasta de Brown Recluse Puttanesca
Mediterranean BBQ Cockroach and Diarrhea Soup

Here's a food video with an incel bonus. Tom talks about wanting to get fucked by a man, admits to a FtM tranny fetish and being a virgin while talking about gross, nasty bullshit and garbage eating. Tom dumpstered yogurt. FUCKING YOGURT.


"Like wait a minute. I love garbage."


:story:
 
Zeitgeist dijo:
Mariana Tucsonese with Ticks and Chiggers
Steak Tartar Burger with Diaperbag and Bacterial Glaze
Stuffed Smoked Oyster and Deadskin Avocados
Pasta de Brown Recluse Puttanesca
Mediterranean BBQ Cockroach and Diarrhea Soup

Here's a food video with an incel bonus. Tom talks about wanting to get fucked by a man, admits to a FtM tranny fetish and being a virgin while talking about gross, nasty bullshit and garbage eating. Tom dumpstered yogurt. FUCKING YOGURT.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=aNreiCH0fFI
"Like wait a minute. I love garbage."


:story:
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"Fuck Walmart!.... Happy Day, everyone!"

:story:
 
Hellfire dijo:
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The great thing here is that it's hard to make even variations of this work.
Ok, so parameters are that it has to be a sandwich, right?

Alright, so if you have a rustic italian loaf and use the mayo in place of oil or butter to toast the bread, you can roast the garlic, crisp the parm into a cheese crisp in the oven on a nonstick mat, take the spinach and chop it with the leftover garlic and parm to make a sort of pesto kinda deal, add tomato, you can maybe get a sorta pressed sandwich deal going? It's still crying for some kind of protein and basil tho...

Maybe mix the tomato, garlic, and avocado with some spices and lime juice, get a kinda salsa/guac thing going and try to do a bad avocado toast? The lime violated the ingredients list tho....

Perhaps just peanut butter on toast?

It's legit difficult to make even parts of this combination into anything palatable, and none of what I listed above is something I'd even entertain eating.
 
Dr. Boe Jangles Esq. dijo:
For real, how does one screw up pasta? It is designed to be a dish you can prepare blackout drunk, it's Italian for God's sake.
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Even for someone with next to no cooking skill myself, meat sauce is easy as fuck.

Literally. Fry a pound of hamburger or ground turkey. Drain the pan. Pour the sauce in and tend to it for 10 minutes.

What do we know though, we're saying this to someone who finds putting pants on challenging.
 
So I've been pondering this 'selection' of ingredients and one thing for sure; @Dr. Boe Jangles Esq. Is spot on with what to do with the parmesan. Unless Tom's using the shit in a can. For this 'recipe' I'm assuming Tom is using fresh ingredients. (Haha, right?)

So here's my take; take the garlic and roast it. Toss it in a food processor with the mayo and pulverize it to make a garlic mayo. Duh. Cut the avocado into slices. Same with the tomato. Take that spinach and sautee it with some butter and get it all nice and wilty. Now since it's a sandwixh I'm assuming there's bread. Toast it, stack it like this:
Bread
Garlic mayo
cheese crisp
avocado slices
sauteed spinach
tomato slice
garlic mayo
bread

Then realize you forgot the peanut butter. Just slop a spoonful on top of it all. Ruin a passable sandwich. Throw it in the trash.
Serves one dumpster diving kiddy diddler.
 
MasterDisaster dijo:
Okay since foods one of my passions and personal hobbies allow me to break that shit down.
As everyone already pointed out that was raw meat dug out of a dumpster in a hot Arizona sun. Say hello to any number of fun filled parasites that'll rip through your intestines and make you shit your heart out.
Next up is just how much onion he put into that patty. I can actually see enough of it that it's pretty much making up at least 20% of that patty. I don't doubt that he probably used way too much garlic as well so that's all the meat will taste like.
The discoloration and any lack of charring tells me he cooked this meat one of two ways; he boiled it or he microwaved it. Even a backed patty will have some darkening of the meat but this fucker is the same color all the way round far as I can tell.
Tommy knows shit about cooking because steak tartar is made, amazingly enough, out of steak. That shit looks like 70/30 ground round. The only thing I know you make out of raw hamburger is called a Bachelors Sandwich; that's just raw hamburger and horseradish.
And lastly, because Tom straight up threw out a challenge I felt obligated to indulge in it. Say hello to the Garbage Burger:
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That is a half pound beefy patty, cheddar cheese, two strips of bacon, onion crisps, bbq sauce and two grilled mac and cheese sandwiches as buns.
Go fuck yourself, Tom.
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Oh god I feel like I’m going to puke, thanks for your insights though, I guess the drug cocktail Tommy is on has dulled his taste buds perhaps? Or at least makes it managble, either way it’s so gross, definitely feel some of that is probably from a dumpster too:..
 
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