Coffee snobs are faggots

[Bone Santa]

Don't get we wrong, coffee is great. I have a cup of black coffee every morning, maybe two. But the coffee I drink is the cheapest ground shit I can get, why you ask?

Because all coffee tastes exactly the same - like coffee. All your faggy "hmmm this blend has an aroma of nuts and a slight toffee after taste" makes you sound like a wine snob. Yeah I bet you like nuts you fucking queer. Just drink your caffeine receptacle in silence like the rest of us.

 

[Meat Target]

I prefer energy drinks. Coffee gives me violent shits.

 

[Soup Sammiches]

As a faggy tea snob, I agree.

 

[WE'RE ALL GONNA]

People who drink coffee are faggot, sorry not sorry.

 

[ShiftyBoi]

I never drink coffee and I see people that guzzle it all the time also crash and lose energy constantly. It seems like it makes things worse.

 

[Smar Mijou]

I am an admitted low level coffee snob, and anyone who says all coffee tastes the same is either lying, or their taste buds are as dead as the eyes of a recently 41%ed troon. BUT! I'm not pretentious about it either. I'm not gonna drink Kopi luwak (coffee literally dug out from the shit of civet cats, and the worlds most expensive!) just because some indulgent prick will pay hundreds of dollars a pound for it because he's convinced it's worth it. But cheap gas station coffee isnt gonna cut it for me either. Some people like a basic off the shelf coffee, Folgers or whatever, and that's fine. Some people insist that they're all about single-origin strains harvested by celibate monks in the Himalayas all named Sven, where you can get aromas of cinnamon, honey, and cherry, but it MUST be brewed with artesianal glacier water at exactly 198.6 degrees. Sure. Whatever. I just think that the average Starbucks basic-bitch that loads it up with sugar, milk, icecream, syrups, potions, sprinkles, etc just needs to admit that they don't like coffee. They just like the *idea* of drinking coffee.

 

[Gravityqueen4life]

i love seeing fat chicks walk around with a big starbucks lattes, that costs around 5-8 dollars and asking themselves why they so fat.

 

[Womble of Wimbledon]

I prefer energy drinks. Coffee gives me violent shits.

And energy drinks don't? They're just coffee with 900 sugars

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

I never drink coffee and I see people that guzzle it all the time also crash and lose energy constantly. It seems like it makes things worse.

Doesn't do that to me. It also doesn't give me much energy unless I've nearly overdosed on it. Mostly calms me down and makes me less distracted.

And energy drinks don't? They're just coffee with 900 sugars

Some don't. A certain drink boomers love to sip while playing Quake has some sort of artificial sweetener.

 

[George Floyd]

Because all coffee tastes exactly the same - like coffee.

That's only true for shitty cheap coffee

 

[Power Appreciator]

"Hahaha I am a faggot who can't distinguish between good thing and bad thing! This is because I only ever had the bad thing! I only listen to shitty music because it's all just sound waves like good music, and I only watch shitty movies because it's all just moving pictures just like the good movies! I am OP and I should kill myself!" - OP

 

[Meat Target]

And energy drinks don't? They're just coffee with 900 sugars

That's why you drink the low/zero sugar ones like Celsius. They're made from fruit juice and tea, not liquid meth.

 

[TheSaltySpitoon]

Fellas, it’s gay to enjoy things. That’s why all my caffeine comes from blowing lines of No-Doz

 

[Cats]

I just guzzle buckets of amphetamines. Tastes like victory

 

[innocent jogger]

coffee is great. I have a cup of black coffee every morning, maybe two

Liar. You are a skeleton. Skeleton's can't drink coffee. The most you can hope for is ghostly milk and cookies via home invasions for one night every December.

 

[SouthernBitchBob]

My coffee snobbery breaks it down into broadly two flavors.

"this coffee has been roasted to charcoal and tastes like shit"

"This tastes alright"

 

[Pee Cola]

I'm not a coffee snob, which is why I'm happy to shovel the cheapest beans into my coffee grinder. Sometimes I'll cheat and buy the pre-ground beans in the foil packets that look like bricks.

Even the best beans are going to make a shit coffee if not properly tamped, and it's not like there's an art to tamping. Just fill the portafilter with freshly ground beans and pack it as though you're packing a cone of weed.

 

[JoseRaulChupacabra]

I'm not a coffee snob, I have maybe one nice bag every other month, and get 2 nice ones for Christimas and New Year. The rest of the time, it's instant or bargain beans drowned in creamer. I take issue with ridiculous tasting notes. However, saying all coffee tastes the same is simply wrong.

Natural process coffees can be very sweet like 2% of the time. 98% its mostly fermented taste. Washed process coffees are a lot more consistent and cleaner tasting, but can be a bit bland. Experimental stuff that's exploding in popularity in recent years are hit and miss.

Some Ethiopian beans really do taste like fruit juice, with this country, my experience is consistently positive. I had some from Tanzania, and there was literally no bitterness, no matter how hard I tried, like grinding it much finer than I should have, and I still couldn't get it to go bitter, but it tasted like sour tea.

 

[IDanceonTrannyGraves]

I drink expired cans of Jolt Cola

 

[Ted's of Beverly Hills]

Good coffee doesn't have to be expensive. Find a flavor you like that isn't half the price of a bottle of decent whiskey and enjoy. I like estate-grown Hawaiian coffee but I'm not paying $40 bucks a bag for it (RIP Maui btw). The grocery store down the street has good options for a poorfag like me that aren't Folgers. I enjoy the process of making a pour-over and will have my coffee that way by preference, but it's not so dramatically better that I won't ever make some stovetop mokapot coffee with cheapass cuban powder either. Liking coffee doesn't mean only drinking the most expensive beans you can dig out of a polynesian cat's ass, but it might mean being able to tell the difference between a higher-quality and a lower-quality cup by taste.