FIGGIN 11/02/16 phil's shitty coffee table

[kobebyarlant]

In a few years: "My Strange Addiction: I Want to Marry a Map"

 

[Sperglord Dante]

Have you seen a horror movie where the camera changes to the pov of the monster? That's what this video reminds me off, with the erratic behavior, the weird angles, the otherwordly blabbering and all the huffing and puffing.

 

[FramerGirl420]

I love him saying "Bwooklin" in the deepest manliest voice.

Oh gosh. I heard it as "Porkland" and thought it was his hometown.
You know, because he's a filthy swine.

 

[buffaloWildWings]

I laughed at the fact he mapped the underside of the table too. How many people are gonna see that table from below?

I thought he had covered the table with diapers first.

 

[Taily Puff]

He's reading off the maps in a slow-in-the-mind barely literate way, like he's having trouble reading it.

My impression was that he was reading the names reverently, as a disciple would read names from his holy scripture. Which is somehow even dumber.

Have you seen a horror movie where the camera changes to the pov of the monster?

Second that. The entire intro of the video is just Phil breathing heavily, knocking over furniture and filming it in slow motion. If I saw that in the facebook feed of a friend, I would legitimately think that the video was going to slowly pan up to their corpse with a note taunting local detectives.

But it's just another day in Phil's tarbux apartment.



That?

But with maps.

 

[Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.]

An Italian guy with a weird fixation on the Five Burroughs.
How terribly unique.

 

[Milktheturtle]

You know,instead of explaining what the hell he's doing at the beginning of the video.we got fucking akward silence and heavy breathing

 

[Bogliacci]

That's not a coffee table, that's a shitty end table covered in maps that will ruin with the slightest of spills.

 

[Wally Balljacker]

I can't choose which moment was my favorite: hearing a sudden, deep, guttural "I luuuve Metro North" booming out of him after a long period of silence, or that creepy orgasmic moan he makes immediately after uttering that.

Also, he pronounces "coffee" like a jackass.

 

[An Ghost]

He doesn't talk for the bulk of it, like most his other videos I cranked the volume up thinking my sound was busted.
And then he pans up and down each leg breathing heavily. Also why have a coffee table when you don't have a couch? Is he gonna sit on the floor like a japanaman?

 

[TheUltimatePickle]

Good use of a Walmart table, Phil.

That's actually an IKEA lack table.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Also, he pronounces "coffee" like a jackass.

How would you spell how he pronounces it?

 

[Wally Balljacker]

How would you spell how he pronounces it?

Coif-y/Cwawfee, probably.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Coif-y/Cwawfee, probably.

Maybe it's a warped New Jersey accent.

 

[Super Collie]

He's really taken these maps into a new dimension.

 

[Mogambo]

Wow... anyone else come away from that video feeling like they just watched a terrorist training video for mentally challenged suicide bombers? It definitely had that creepy vibe to me, mixed with an unhealthy dose of autism.

As stupid as Phil's DIY art project is, its even worse because he has to hammer in the point by filming it from every single angle imaginable, as if we're too stupid to get what he was going for there. Or maybe he just wants to preserve it for posterity. He'd have been better off photographing it from other angles and just uploading it as an album. I mean it'd still look stupid, but it'd make more sense I think.

It's funny that he's still obsessed with New York. I've noted before that Australatina seems to take a lot of inspiration from the US' eastern coastline, and the overall shape sort of looks like New York state. Plus there's his fascination with the Beothuk. Guess Phil can't escape his east coast roots no matter how hard he tries.

Maybe it ties in with his J. Lo obsession. Isn't she from New York?

Also, far be it for me to make fun of someone for their speech impediment but... damn does Phil sound obnoxious. It's probably a combination of his autism, that horrible accent and his natural smugness but its almost painful to listen to him talk. I think he IS having trouble remembering place names, he just sort of bungles through them. It's like he's trying to remember something from a movie or video game he hasn't seen in twenty years. It's very weird, especially considering he lived there right?

 

[0xDEADBEEF]

A few weeks ago he was complaining about having to cut up his maps and use them as toilet paper. Now he doesn't seem to mind cutting them up and presumable getting food scraps all over them.

 

[Butta Face Lopez]

I laughed at the fact he mapped the underside of the table too. How many people are gonna see that table from below?

How many people do you imagine will ever be in the position to see the rest of it either? I don't think Phil entertains very often.

 

[Pickle Pirate]

I misread "shitty coffee table" as "shitting coffee table" at first and thought Phil decided to make shitting on glass tables his next fetish. Thank god I was wrong.

DESIGNATED SHITTING TABLES

 

[Ophelia]

I laughed at the fact he mapped the underside of the table too. How many people are gonna see that table from below?

Now he'll have something to read while he hides from Kiwis/Gamergate/MRAs/the boogie man under there.