🗑️ Trashfire Ethan Ralph allegedly killed a dog in 1993 - 🦮🪑

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NOT THE OVEN NOOOOO
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CatgirlTyranid dijo:
I think you have to assume he CAN choose not to be this moronic, otherwise his actions lose some of their associated humor. He's funny because he makes the wrong decisions. If his decisions aren't decisions he's no longer funny and I don't want to live in a world like that.
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That might be the world we live in though, a world where your brain can become fuck wired into being forced into being Ethan ralph the sowlet
 
I just come back to revisit this thread and I can’t stop laughing. Partially because of all the fanart made by the “fan zone“, partially because Ralph’s “ get out of jail free card“ is to call the boy (and by association his dog) Jewish.

but the main hilarious thing about this is Ralphs inability to take any slight and has to control the narrative so he broke the story, his way.

When Null asked him about the chair, Ralph could’ve easily just acted dumb. Then when Null elaborates on the story Ralph could’ve easily just said it’s bullshit. Then it would just be a he said she said thing and the story would putter out.

but NOPE, Ralph has to prove that he’s a good boy who dindunuffin to no one and fucking tell his hateful audience that it was an accident and ok because that kid is Jewish.
 
Tookie dijo:
Having a long detailed explanation of why they totally didn't do something is usually a sign of a guilty person lying about it. An innocent person would just say "fuck off, I never killed a dog."

I saw a clip of him talking about the oven incident where he calmly recites his story about why he dindu nuffin and then suddenly remembers to be indignant and starts yelling about Jersh. He is guilty af.
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He admits he killed the dog and put the puppies in the oven. I mean how the fuck far do people think we should bend over backwards to give this piece of shit the benefit of any kind of doubt?
Tookie dijo:
Yes, the public schools were still shit back then and would have been full of unruly black and redneck kids in the South.
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I would rather have any number of Negroes than Ethan Ralph.
Trigger Me Timbers dijo:
When Null asked him about the chair, Ralph could’ve easily just acted dumb.
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Ralph isn't just acting dumb when he comes across as dumb.
 
Trigger Me Timbers dijo:
When Null asked him about the chair, Ralph could’ve easily just acted dumb. Then when Null elaborates on the story Ralph could’ve easily just said it’s bullshit. Then it would just be a he said she said thing and the story would putter out.
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Probably not as easily as you'd think. I'm no psychologist but I'm pretty sure that fear drove him down this path. As Null pointed out in the OP, the mere mention of a kitchen chair caused a drunken gunt to perfectly recall an incident that happened decades ago. That's what caused him to spin a story about a miniature doxen "accidentally" hanging itself and him "accidentally" killing his dog's puppies by tossing them into an oven. He could've reacted differently, sure, but I don't think it would've looked any less suspicious. Something would've given him away and loaned credibility to his accuser.

There is a very real fear that his skeletons are coming out of his closet. He's been such a piece of shit his entire life that everyone he's ever known is turning against him. All he can do is sit in his crack shack sipping his Maker's Mark wondering who'll stab him in the back next. Who else did he piss off in his childhood? Did his mother confide in one of her friends about something terrible he did? What if there's a crime he's committed that the statute of limitations hasn't expired on? That fear of what'll come next will hang over gunt's head like the Sword of Damocles and I can't say it's happening to someone more deserving.
 
thismanlies dijo:
That's what caused him to spin a story about a miniature doxen "accidentally" hanging itself and him "accidentally" killing his dog's puppies by tossing them into an oven.
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Throwing them into a fucking oven? On what planet is that remotely an appropriate response? It's like he's either a Hannibal Lecter psycho or a Martian level alien. He obviously isn't even human.
 
AnOminous dijo:
Throwing them into a fucking oven? On what planet is that remotely an appropriate response? It's like he's either a Hannibal Lecter psycho or a Martian level alien. He obviously isn't even human.
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The only defense I can make is that he didn't intend to do it on purpose, he was just a retard who didn't know that a closed oven doesn't provide an oxygen to support life.

Completely plausible given the stupidity of this man. I wouldn't say though that makes him innocent in this situation.
 
While dogs collars and leashes do get caught at times leading to accidental choking deaths, this one is really suspect. It's hard for things to get caught on your average kitchen chair, with them having either fully solid backs or bars spaced far enough apart that a leash would pass through. The leash would also need to be incredibly short. The chair would also need to be insanely stable to take the force of 10-12 pounds of forward momentum and not have it tip. Unless they're extremely heavy chairs or are bolted down, chances are the dog was killed by Ralph.

Just too many things need to line up for it to happen by accent in this instance. That being said I'm not suprised the 3rd grade crack head killed a dog, this dude got into a fight after being called short.

The dog called Ralph short, leading him to hang it. It's reported he kept yelling "do I look 2'1" to you bitch", as he was hanging the dog.
 
unclejeb1861 dijo:
The furry contingent of The Ralph Retort audience is going to be appalled at this development

Also looking forward to Ethan Ralph attempting to extort old classmates of Josh in an attempt to get embarrassing stories/photos
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The Megalodon dijo:
" If you watched the whole thing, then you know he changed his story multiple times to it being him assassinating the dog, sneaking in and getting out."

He only said that in the context of "This is the only way it could possibly work. Look how ridiculous this claim is". He was at school when the News came. Your claim is a 3rd grader managed to plan out breaking into a house, when no one was there, before school, manage to kill the dog, get out with no one knowing, still get to school on time, and be there when he got the call to laugh at him.

Ethan Ralph obviously just upsets you so much you are unable to use your ears to listen and eyes to see. You are just so desperate to cling on to anything that is bad for Ralph that you double down on embarrassing claims like this.

"You're the one saying it's not true when there is ample evidence of his past actions and behaviors that make it seem likely. Since you don't seem to understand cause and effect and all."
Does this mean you are backing off the lie that he admitted it?

I have no problem believing that Ralph was fat piece of shit who made fun of kids for their dogs dying. Isn't that enough to shit on him for? Why are you making shit up?
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Haha I imma pop his fatty pinata ass with a bullet
 
a bit un-related but a few childhood friends and i found out a old classmate of ours has become a twtich thot and we could not stop laughing our asses off. speaking of old classmates, how much of a fucking menace to society do you have to be to have your old classmates fucking dox you? what god awful impression did you leave them that they still hold a grudge 30+ years later when they should have moved on with their lives long ago?

ralph, you have proven time and time again to be something else. you should go the chaggot route and write a book of yourselve. it would actually sell.
 
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Gravityqueen4life dijo:
what god awful impression did you leave them that they still hold a grudge 20+ years later when they should have moved on with their lives long ago?
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Being a psycho dog killing cunt always getting into fights about your being a midget and probably stuff related to feces knowing Ralph's predilections
 
i just realized something arguing with a guntguard, ralphs whole point that he made up is the family couldnt have let him get away with it because theyd have heard the dog die even though it was distant enough from them they felt the need to leave it chained right? well then how does a dog run around enough to fucking choke itself on the chair but without making enough noise to worry the family?
 
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