😵‍💫 Skitzocow Stephen William Lafleur / henstepl / Thisismyrofl / Elecbullet - Schizophrenic Arsonist Who Hates Soda

[henstepl]

My brain is full of fuck bubbles.
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Haha, hey, I understand if the test isn't intuitive. All the literature in the world couldn't explain it, but there's a little clarification of the schizophrenic experience on the right side of that handsome face, and I hope it's sensible enough to bridge the gap.

How's everyone doing? I've recently started taking plain glutamine supplement again. It works so fully as would bolster the theory that Florian syndrome is plain glutamate deficiency. This is interesting because glutamine WORKED, then for a while it DIDN'T WORK, and now it WORKS AGAIN - in all likelihood I burned a hole in my brain with alcohol hangovers, requiring over a year to resolve.

So, all the rules of my brain have greatly simplified recently, and my cognition is top of the line!

In more explicit terms, I have stopped undergoing a particular zero-IQ incapacitation every day. This used to mark a transition between what I called G- and GQ, and since it left me in Type O for a few minutes (longer than the incapacitation itself) I called it the O-void. (Lamotrigine brings the O-void back, but I don't particularly want it back.)

Life is good!

 

[Tardburger]

This is interesting because glutamine WORKED, then for a while it DIDN'T WORK, and now it WORKS AGAIN - in all likelihood I burned a hole in my brain with alcohol hangovers, requiring over a year to resolve.

So, all the rules of my brain have greatly simplified recently, and my cognition is top of the line

You should probably stay off of R9K if you care about your mental health. Or are you looking for test subjects?

 

[henstepl]

You should probably stay off of R9K if you care about your mental health. Or are you looking for test subjects?

Hey, I read you very clearly. Inasmuch as "mental health" is "avoidance of depression", I'll be fine - the failure of my brain is not depression but miscognition, and this godforsaken sleep schedule.

I certainly am looking for test subjects, I've had a few convincing ones, including the guy on the thread you're alluding to.

Held the expression, grabbed my soda, recorded a video, and my mouth spazzed out a bit, the lips and uh under chin muscles

...

Just tested again for shits and giggles, held expression, open mouth to drink, cheeks start spazzing before I drink, just opening mouth, take sip, cheeks still spazzing, swallow and rest face, cheek now sore

This motherfucker took a whole video and didn't send it to me! I recognize your anonymity concerns but I would never trash my chances by posting it.

And hell... just the interpretation... Lips before cheeks - did he move from Type B to Type O? Abductive dissociation in between? I'd almost believe that.

 

[Sped Xing]

I'm glad you're out of the Juscao, friend.

 

[henstepl]

Maybe you guys can help me out with a conundrum I'm facing. I want to have an analogy for how the serotonin/dopamine ratio manifests.

And I've recently rewatched TENET, and I've got those turnstiles on my mind, so I made an analogous representation:

You'd either want TOTALLY BLUE to show, or TOTALLY RED. If it's "fluttering" in between, your cognition is shot. So what's represented here is Type b (lowercase), serotonin upperface affect. (With perhaps a little dopamine: hence, quadrant 2, carbonation grimace not vanished via duckface exercises.)

But this isn't how turnstiles work in the bus station! And don't make me cite TENET itself. So, is there any real object that works well in one extreme, well in the other extreme, but poorly in between? Preferably that vaguely resembles this shape?

@malt ipecac, I've loved your input at every point. Have you any ideas?

 

[ShinyStar]

I know it's been a while, but you were talking about how you had an appointment scheduled right before your multi-month hiatus from the site. How did the appointment go? Have the doctors been able to contribute anything helpful? Alternatively, did they make any suggestions that made things worse/you didn't bother trying?

 

[henstepl]

I know it's been a while, but you were talking about how you had an appointment scheduled right before your multi-month hiatus from the site. How did the appointment go? Have the doctors been able to contribute anything helpful? Alternatively, did they make any suggestions that made things worse/you didn't bother trying?

Suppose for a moment that there were a man titled a Relinquisher. And you went to him, and told him what medications you wanted, and he gave them to you.

My doctor, who isn't affiliated with the arson location, has provided no services that a Relinquisher couldn't provide. And he's declining to relinquish Ambien, which leaves my sleep schedule in a degenerate float that would get me fired from McDonald's. He has relinquished a few medicines such as Lamictal, which was informative to try, but that was my suggestion, and frankly the doctor has made no suggestions at all.

Now suppose for a moment: if we ever found aliens, wouldn't they have mental illness, or at least have somehow abolished their ancient struggle? Wouldn't there be depressive aliens, and psychotic ones? But NMDA schizophrenia - no, we could never guess they'd have glutamate.

Every appointment, I pay my bill, and then I'm told again that I "probably have some kind of thought disorder". I'm left without my ultimatum, and the antipsychotic question is simply one of neutralization.

But when I tell the doctor I possess a test that puts me past those common alien diagnoses, and affirms that I am NMDA hypofunctional...

When he declares it neither true nor false, I'm not responsible for what stares him in the face.

 

[Jan Ciągwa]

You'd either want TOTALLY BLUE to show, or TOTALLY RED

Can I get TOTALLY RAD?

 

[Sped Xing]

"The Relinquisher" is the only movie I want to see this year.

 

[Umaru Doma]

You mention, and it is obvious to see, your frustration with various mental health professionals. Has an environment (our humble farm) which listens to you (albeit with some mockery) and does not ban you helped to alleviate any of this stress?

Do you find posting here, talking to the members, to be a genuinely helpful activity? Or is it pure desperation, because you can't post anywhere else?

Overall, how would you say the environment on KiwiFarms has impacted your mental health? You know about Terry, but do you know any other cows? Amberlynn, even Chris-chan? Do you consider reading other threads?

@henstepl

 

[UntitledKiwi]

@henstepl I would be interested in your thoughts on childhood traumas and whether you believe your mental health difficulties arise from your upbringing. Do you feel your caregivers appropriately responded to your needs growing up? Or did you view your mother as a teddy as well?

 

[Rekkington]

Maybe you guys can help me out with a conundrum I'm facing. I want to have an analogy for how the serotonin/dopamine ratio manifests.

And I've recently rewatched TENET, and I've got those turnstiles on my mind, so I made an analogous representation:

Ver archivo adjunto 2087347

You'd either want TOTALLY BLUE to show, or TOTALLY RED. If it's "fluttering" in between, your cognition is shot. So what's represented here is Type b (lowercase), serotonin upperface affect. (With perhaps a little dopamine: hence, quadrant 2, carbonation grimace not vanished via duckface exercises.)

But this isn't how turnstiles work in the bus station! And don't make me cite TENET itself. So, is there any real object that works well in one extreme, well in the other extreme, but poorly in between? Preferably that vaguely resembles this shape?

@malt ipecac, I've loved your input at every point. Have you any ideas?

Bringing together two things I hate: this guy, and Tenet.

 

[Sped Xing]

I like you, Stephen.

Not here to defend Tenet, though.

 

[henstepl]

I like you, Stephen.

Not here to defend Tenet, though.

I like you too. Your username has always struck me as having the correct level of autism in it.

You mention, and it is obvious to see, your frustration with various mental health professionals. Has an environment (our humble farm) which listens to you (albeit with some mockery) and does not ban you helped to alleviate any of this stress?

Do you find posting here, talking to the members, to be a genuinely helpful activity? Or is it pure desperation, because you can't post anywhere else?

Overall, how would you say the environment on KiwiFarms has impacted your mental health? You know about Terry, but do you know any other cows? Amberlynn, even Chris-chan? Do you consider reading other threads?

@henstepl

The reason I am slow to respond is the same as the tragedy of my brain. I spend so much time in such low cognition as to fail to represent myself. How then can I ever post?

What benefits my mental health is contention of my claims, and my navigation of my brain. I've been laughed at, but I've also gotten that contention here. I've been wrong before (Topamax, and encephalitis). It reassures me that my core beliefs (Florian syndrome, and the schizophrenia test) are uncontested, by my standards.

And I'll reiterate that my "mental health" shouldn't be conflated with "depression". The perpetual struggle is to find a simple medication scheme that wouldn't leave me so miscognitive or fatigued as to be fired from McDonald's. I will not be a Burden of the State.

I've looked at other lolcows but I haven't had much to say other than postings of the Schizophrenia Test. I recently donated to Sweet Anita, the Tourettes streamer, with a read-on-stream message about the syndrome (remember there's a coprolalia link). I'm pretty sure her feminist mods kept her from seeing it, though.

And does that validate the Law of Delusion? "Any claim at risk of being called delusion will receive no evaluation if the evaluator-man is in another room."

@henstepl I would be interested in your thoughts on childhood traumas and whether you believe your mental health difficulties arise from your upbringing. Do you feel your caregivers appropriately responded to your needs growing up? Or did you view your mother as a teddy as well?

My parents were not abusive or uncaring, but Christ if my family doesn't represent the fall of Western civilization. My father is incredibly weak and my mother is a loud alcoholic, albeit one who tries.

In my childhood I was known as the smart kid above all smart kids. There's something to hate in Type B, and it can be called "stupidity", but it's really not stupidity.

And what comes first - the failures or the difficulties? I've said that social failure can "autisticize me" like the teddies do. But I'd be hard-pressed to say the chicken-egg question of my childhood began with anything other than the difficulties. I've recently been finding more merit in Type O (adrenaline and acetylcholine undefined). If I could spend more time there, I could maybe succeed more and have time to read - and it might all be simpler. Type O might better represent my state of mind in childhood.

I hope my doctor stops imagining I'll be violent if I get Perampanel. It's as good a try, towards Type O, as anything.

 

[malt ipecac]

Maybe you guys can help me out with a conundrum I'm facing. I want to have an analogy for how the serotonin/dopamine ratio manifests.

And I've recently rewatched TENET, and I've got those turnstiles on my mind, so I made an analogous representation:

Ver archivo adjunto 2087347

I haven't seen Tenet, which is maybe a helpful thing because I can't use it as a point of reference...I thought a bit about other ways you could show that, and the one I think resonates best is a simple conveyor belt like you'd find at a grocery store.

Only a certain amount of the conveyor belt is visible at any time -- that's your "window." Imagine that some portion of the conveyor belt is painted solid red and the rest is painted solid blue. The visible portion of the conveyor belt could therefore be entirely blue, entirely red, or a mixture of the two. Note that the visible portion of the belt doesn't have to account for ~half of the entire belt, as would be the case if there are only two pulleys. If your belt looks more like a car's timing belt (meaning it's got more than two pulleys), your belt could be arbitrarily long.

Let me know if that doesn't apply to what you're describing. I think it does, but again, I haven't seen Tenet.

You'd either want TOTALLY BLUE to show, or TOTALLY RED. If it's "fluttering" in between, your cognition is shot. So what's represented here is Type b (lowercase), serotonin upperface affect. (With perhaps a little dopamine: hence, quadrant 2, carbonation grimace not vanished via duckface exercises.)

But this isn't how turnstiles work in the bus station! And don't make me cite TENET itself. So, is there any real object that works well in one extreme, well in the other extreme, but poorly in between? Preferably that vaguely resembles this shape?

Maybe something like this: Your goal is to chill the contents of something. You could do that by filling it with ice, or you could do that by filling it with dry ice. Either will do the job on its own, but if you try using both at once, you'll wind up generating a bunch of gas and potentially 'sploding the thing you just wanted to cool off.

I also feel like there's some way you should be able to use the classic science experiment where you put food coloring in a saucer of milk and then dab a little dish soap in the middle, but I can't quite make it fit.

 

[henstepl]

I haven't seen Tenet, which is maybe a helpful thing because I can't use it as a point of reference...I thought a bit about other ways you could show that, and the one I think resonates best is a simple conveyor belt like you'd find at a grocery store.

Only a certain amount of the conveyor belt is visible at any time -- that's your "window." Imagine that some portion of the conveyor belt is painted solid red and the rest is painted solid blue. The visible portion of the conveyor belt could therefore be entirely blue, entirely red, or a mixture of the two. Note that the visible portion of the belt doesn't have to account for ~half of the entire belt, as would be the case if there are only two pulleys. If your belt looks more like a car's timing belt (meaning it's got more than two pulleys), your belt could be arbitrarily long.

Let me know if that doesn't apply to what you're describing. I think it does, but again, I haven't seen Tenet.


Maybe something like this: Your goal is to chill the contents of something. You could do that by filling it with ice, or you could do that by filling it with dry ice. Either will do the job on its own, but if you try using both at once, you'll wind up generating a bunch of gas and potentially 'sploding the thing you just wanted to cool off.

I also feel like there's some way you should be able to use the classic science experiment where you put food coloring in a saucer of milk and then dab a little dish soap in the middle, but I can't quite make it fit.

So, a conveyer-belt model that better conveys the spatial aspect (and I swear there must be a spacial aspect!), and a chemical model that better conveys that the "turnstile" can't revolve to completion (unlike the treadmill, the "void" is never in front). Great cognition - I appreciate it, and I'll certainly consider chemical models and immiscibles moving forward.

I know you've seen me cite off so many "rules" of my brain. And I'm deathly afraid of speaking psychobabble, so maybe the best outcome would be: this turnstile represents the rules of serotonin/dopamine, and everything else is extremely complicated, but THIS is the medicine that nullifies that "everything else".

And what is that medicine? Lamotrigine gives me a window of adrenaline/acetylcholine ignorance every night, so I can only hope to finally get Perampanel which might make that window into all the time. Also interesting is that withdrawal from Lamotrigine has a normalizing effect (leaves me negative on the schizophrenia test).

Give Tenet a watch! Unless I was too schizophrenic for the art-house mentality to disparage it.

 

[malt ipecac]

So, a conveyer-belt model that better conveys the spatial aspect (and I swear there must be a spacial aspect!), and a chemical model that better conveys that the "turnstile" can't revolve to completion (unlike the treadmill, the "void" is never in front). Great cognition - I appreciate it, and I'll certainly consider chemical models and immiscibles moving forward.

Yeah, I feel like there's got to be some simple metaphor out there for what you're describing. Just can't put my finger on what it is.

Also, thanks for teaching me the word "immiscible." Now I know le mot juste for what's going on there.

I know you've seen me cite off so many "rules" of my brain. And I'm deathly afraid of speaking psychobabble, so maybe the best outcome would be: this turnstile represents the rules of serotonin/dopamine, and everything else is extremely complicated, but THIS is the medicine that nullifies that "everything else".

And what is that medicine? Lamotrigine gives me a window of adrenaline/acetylcholine ignorance every night, so I can only hope to finally get Perampanel which might make that window into all the time. Also interesting is that withdrawal from Lamotrigine has a normalizing effect (leaves me negative on the schizophrenia test).

This part's tough for me to follow. That's got to be due in part to my never having heard of these drugs, but also because the subjective effects you describe don't seem to match up with those drugs' opening Wikipedia paragraphs (lamotrigine is described primarily as an "anticonvulsant" and perampanel is described as an antiepileptic). Of course, different people can respond to the same drug in different ways. It's just a lot harder to wrap my head around than if you were talking about some simple effect, like, "it makes me anxious."

I'm curious: when you're evaluating whether you're withdrawing from a drug (or, really, whether you're at any given point in the "drug lifecycle," by which I mean the effects of a drug over time as your body processes it, starting with initial consumption -- is there a word for that?), how do you do that? Are you judging based on your subjective experience? Elimination half-life? Something else?

Give Tenet a watch! Unless I was too schizophrenic for the art-house mentality to disparage it.

I tried watching it last night, but I was misguided by some website that claimed it was coming to HBO Go on April 30th. Looks like it should be available starting today, though, so I'll give it a shot for my next movie night. I've loved most of Christopher Nolan's other movies.

 

[henstepl]

Yeah, I feel like there's got to be some simple metaphor out there for what you're describing. Just can't put my finger on what it is.

Also, thanks for teaching me the word "immiscible." Now I know le mot juste for what's going on there.


This part's tough for me to follow. That's got to be due in part to my never having heard of these drugs, but also because the subjective effects you describe don't seem to match up with those drugs' opening Wikipedia paragraphs (lamotrigine is described primarily as an "anticonvulsant" and perampanel is described as an antiepileptic). Of course, different people can respond to the same drug in different ways. It's just a lot harder to wrap my head around than if you were talking about some simple effect, like, "it makes me anxious."

I'm curious: when you're evaluating whether you're withdrawing from a drug (or, really, whether you're at any given point in the "drug lifecycle," by which I mean the effects of a drug over time as your body processes it, starting with initial consumption -- is there a word for that?), how do you do that? Are you judging based on your subjective experience? Elimination half-life? Something else?


I tried watching it last night, but I was misguided by some website that claimed it was coming to HBO Go on April 30th. Looks like it should be available starting today, though, so I'll give it a shot for my next movie night. I've loved most of Christopher Nolan's other movies.

Hey, I understand. Sometimes my writing is very dense.

Put it this way: there are RULES (serotonin/dopamine), MORE RULES (adrenaline/acetylcholine), and RULES FOR RULES - that's the most disorienting of all, and it's because glutamate, which is my deficiency, and which is altered variously by lamotrigine and perampanel, is such a fundamental neurotransmitter in the brain.

Even medicating my plain deficiency can cause a sort of "bad acceleration" as the rules of cognition are rewritten too fast to let me think. I've wondered how to express this too: "bad things happen to the bells when you shake the belfry?" In any case, my ideal is to safely ignore "MORE RULES" and have "RULES FOR RULES" be stable.

I'm currently withdrawing from Lamotrigine (clues: its biological half-life, and I am negative on the Florian Face test). My "RULES FOR RULES" are probably closest to neurotypical for this day.

 

[Apotheosis of the Liver]

I will not be a Burden of the State.

Got to respect this mentality. But, you should try to not get incarcerated then.

Give Tenet a watch! Unless I was too schizophrenic for the art-house mentality to disparage it.

This would be a good random.txt

 

[BingBong]

it was kinda surreal seeing this in the wild lol