Fuck it, I'm buzzed and this is a shortie. Runthrough:
1. Fat Jack opens this short shitshow by talking about how he'll do something "simple and amazing" today.
2. He then changes topic to talk about masks.
2b. I first thought that he'd bitch about wearing them, but nahh, he's just whinging about poor sales that are his fault.
3. Basically, he's blaming YT for his shitty online store's inability to show the mask, probably because he's too fat and fucking lazy to put it up.
4. Fatboy is wasting 1/6th of the run time shilling his shit; this puts it up there with his godawful bangers n' mash video.
5. Slight attempt to get his moocow audience to watch his shitty tech demo of that pointless egg doodad.
6. "FAGGOT" ~ Jack's Avatar on him using a pointless egg thing
7. Desperate Jack is going to use a shitty egg slicer to cut those hard boiled eggs that he made.
7b. Before I forget, eggs are easy to make without that shitty egg peeler or whatever he used; you dump them into boiling water and wait like 6-8 if you like 'em jammie like me, or 8-10 for a cold snack. Just put in ice-water to make peeling a joke.
8. Jack reveals he uses forks as a slicing tool; what a goober.
9. Oh hey, Penguinz0 will be happy; the Mayor of Mayo is back.
10. So this is literally just eggs in mayo and mustard... awful.
10b. I'd at least use chopped onions and celery to get some texture that isn't just fucking mayo and tears.
11. Mama Scalfani apparently owned a stupid egg slicer according to Dishonest Jack.
11b. No wonder she was poor if she bought useless shit like this.
12. Mushbrain Jack talks about how criss-cross is a 45* angle, which is a middle school level failure.
13. Ah yes, big fucking chunks of egg to hork down with your mayonnaise. One tic:
13b. That's better, just needed another dram. So mayo: Tammy chucks in a mountain of the shit as Jack sits and tells the audience what to do on his scooty-puff.
14. HAHA HE SAID HEAPING TABLESPOON AGAIN THE FUCKING MAYOR OF MAYO IS BACK BOYS
15. Mayo Jack then warns people that if you put less, like the normal loadout of mayo, it'll be dry.
16. Just want I want, fucking mustard water in my slop.
16b. As Big T keeps squirting mustard water into the slop, Jack warns you the retard viewer watching this not to do that.
17. I know now how they make those egg noises in horror movie as the stirring of the mayo slop begins.
18. Jack's brain fucking fails to load for a second before he tries to explain the art of tasting your food for the level of seasoning.
18b. I think that's the first time he's done that in 13 years of video . Dunno though.
19. Jack may be the mayonnaise man from that one horror story, since Big T always seems to nail the right mix of stuff to add to the mayo he eats.
20. No zoom in of the slop of course since Jack is a ho ass bitch who tantrums like a baby.
21. You can hear the lard gurgle a bit before he eats it. Big nope.
22. Jack moos like a cow slightly as dopamine hits, before explaining more shit about loaded mayonnaise his wife made for him on this Assemble With Jack.
23. Strokey Jack warns you about oversalting the food... after he made a casserole with a shitload of salt before adding it.
23b. I almost think he read me mocking him about his casserole video since he chose to do this next.
24. Jack ends the video by proving the title he made for the video was fraudulent; he should've named it "How to make a basic egg salad" but called it "perfect".
24b. I guess he can't make Basics With Jack, not just because he sucks at them but because he already apes Binging With Babish enough with upload times.
Anyways, this sucked and any monkey could make this slop better. I'm gonna finish drinking now.
