🍗 Deathfat Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[GrouchiCorn]

My favorite line from that website was "Food doesn't contain calories, it contains information". LOL, okay. Bets are that Tess is still taking in way more "information" than she needs

 

[JambledUpWords]

My favorite line from that website was "Food doesn't contain calories, it contains information". LOL, okay. Bets are that Tess is still taking in way more "information" than she needs

My favorite part is how they attempt to disprove the Law of Thermodynamics.

 

[Constellationzero]

Who the hell is paying for this shit? $420 a WEEK? Surely that is way out of Tess's budget. It's the kind of stuff you need to be in a higher tax bracket for, one Tess certainly isn't in.

Does she think she'll lose weight eatting like this? You know, the Tess way, eating the food on the plan AND her champagne cakes and endless sugary snacks?

That is for FIVE DAYS. This Instathot aesthetic pseudoAnthropolgie shit show is similar to Seattle Sutton. The logic is that you need two days of to cheat (NOT eat all the Wendy's menu) and for you to work on your program on your OWN. So you learn and it sticks.

Chef's kiss.

 

[JambledUpWords]

The juxtaposition between these posts is hilarious

 

[Water-T]

$420 a week? Fuck - I don't even spend that much on groceries in a month.

That shit is clearly aimed at upper class white women who aspire to live Gwyneth Paltrow's privileged bitch-ass life, not immobile land manatees that pay the bills by whoring themselves out to fat fetishists on the DL.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

$420 a week? Fuck - I don't even spend that much on groceries in a month.

FOR ONE PERSON FOR 5 DAYS!!!! It would be cheaper for her to order 50$ worth of doordash 7 days a week than to waste money trying to fake a Gwyneth Paltrow lifestyle

 

[Salubrious]

I think this food service is catering (pun?) to the people that think like DSP that "it is more expensive; therefore it HAS TO BE BETTER!!!"

If it was $60/week then nobody would buy it but for $420/week it must be special! Then you can brag to your posh friends how much money you spend on food.

 

[Easy Peasy]

If Tess wasnt obvs sponsored on this Sakara thing, she could recreate it for way less than the MSRP. $1600 a month, lmao. (i'm , this is just so fucking funny to me)

Without power-leveiling too hard, I live somewhere with.. uh... robust families. I dont think even they spend $1600 a month on feeding their personal armies of sprog

Also I dont think Champagne cake is plant based...

 

[DefCon Dumb]

but she NEEDS her champagne cakes - those bubbles waft away those annoying extra calories, you see.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

All those single-use plastic containers, to feed a stupid, narcissistic deathfatty an overpriced diet she's just going to fail at anyway. F.

The produce section, Tess; it exists. But then she'd have to stand for more than 5 minutes at a time to wash and chop and maybe cook all of those veggies, and we all know what a super-busy moddle and doting and engaged mother she is. Where is she going to find the time to shop and prep and cook her own food?

Yeah, that was sarcasm. But if she can't manage to make simple, nutritious meals from whole ingredients for herself, that means she sure as shit ain't doing it for Bowie. He's probably lucky to get those dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets and spaghetti from a can.
That is some powerful fucking woo. I LOL'ed IRL.
If she sticks with it, and doesn't buy anything else (Starbeetus drinks, booze, vegan cupcakes), she will spend $1680/month to feed herself. That's a full six months of groceries for me, and I don't even pinch pennies that hard any more. That's more than my mortgage payments were, FFS. (Sorry for the PL, but my god, that level of financial irresponsibility just unleashes it.)

Where is she getting the money for this? WHERE IS SHE GETTING THE MONEY FOR THIS?! Because a semi-homeless, washed-up piece of obese white trash is hardly Sakara's target market. This shit is for affluent women who either don't have time to cook for themselves due to demanding careers, or else affluent leisure-class women who don't want to prep their own meals and are bored with whatever they've been eating. This stuff is for the Goop crowd, women who might pay public lip-service to the "brave" fatty, but would privately recoil in horror at the idea of having anything in common with Tess. And the women who are like Tess, and who actually admire her, don't have this kind of money; they just don't.

If Sakara is sponsoring her--and they must be, if she's shilling their products--it's one of the most baffling moves they could make. Tess won't lose any weight by eating their food, because it's nothing she actually wants to eat, so once she gets sick of it she'll just end up eating whatever she wants and leaving those meals to rot in Jolene's fridge. This is a mayotanker who can eat an entire cake on her own with no trouble--no way is she going to be satisfied with this plant-based skinny-bitch cuisine. It's just not happening.

And if they aren't sponsoring her, then who is paying for it? Because it can't possibly be her. If she had that kind of money at her disposal, she'd get a goddamned place to live, already.

I am seriously baffled by this.

Damn, I'm still laughing over "mayotanker".

 

[JambledUpWords]

For the curious, here’s a sample of a weekly ($420) menu at Sakara:

 

[Cheesegirl78]

For the curious, here’s a sample of a weekly ($420) menu at Sakara:
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Some of that sounds good, but not $420 good.

Also, I loathe how they spell "mylk".
Just call it almond or nut milk instead of using a dumbass way of spelling milk.

 

[Salubrious]

For the curious, here’s a sample of a weekly ($420) menu at Sakara:
Ver archivo adjunto 1469247Ver archivo adjunto 1469248Ver archivo adjunto 1469249Ver archivo adjunto 1469250Ver archivo adjunto 1469251Ver archivo adjunto 1469252

I can feel the "live laugh love" oozing out of this menu.

 

[DefCon Dumb]

Is that a menu or the description for a tony resort holiday? The vicarious good life vibes are strong.

 

[Easy Peasy]

For the curious, here’s a sample of a weekly ($420) menu at Sakara:
Ver archivo adjunto 1469247Ver archivo adjunto 1469248Ver archivo adjunto 1469249Ver archivo adjunto 1469250Ver archivo adjunto 1469251Ver archivo adjunto 1469252

A days worth of meals is like a snack for Tess. a very very expensive sugar and gluten free snack. she's going to belly flop and its going to be great

 

[Angry New Ager]

$420 a week? Fuck - I don't even spend that much on groceries in a month.

That shit is clearly aimed at upper class white women who aspire to live Gwyneth Paltrow's privileged bitch-ass life, not immobile land manatees that pay the bills by whoring themselves out to fat fetishists on the DL.

Which makes it even more hilarious that she's shilling it, after weeks of BLM/White Privilege/Wokeshit screeching. This meal plan is the embodiment of White Privilege, in edible form.

 

[IBrokeBob]

She just posted it to show that Rylee is still around and because she thinks its funny. As if she is such a relatable modern mom ( who just happens to be morbidly obese and squatting in her friends 1 bedroom apt because she knows the friend would not let Bowie be homeless since she is basically raising him).

Now im beginning to wonder if maybe CPS told Tess that 4 people (2 adult women, a teen male and a toddler) cannot live in a one bedroom apt and so Rylee had to go. It would be funnier if Rylee himself made the call.

 

[Dorsia.Reservation]

Where I live $420 puts a nice roof over your head.

I'm totally not the market audience for this meal service.
However, seeing somebody like Tess pimp stuff, totally turns me off from seriously considering a service or product.

There is no way people who can afford $420 a week, for one person do not feel the same way.

And if Tess was truly sticking to this meal service alone, she would be dropping weight like all get-out.

 

[JambledUpWords]

 

[Constellationzero]

FOR ONE PERSON FOR 5 DAYS!!!! It would be cheaper for her to order 50$ worth of doordash 7 days a week than to waste money trying to fake a Gwyneth Paltrow lifestyle

Yes. Quite fucked up. Here's Seattle Sutton's to do a bit of price comparing. And Seattle Sutton isn't vegan Anthropologie. That means Groovy Gunt here can still get her meat and not be deprived.
And this is so goddamn stupid... you're just renting the food. It's going straight in the toilet after several hours anyway, so why not get the best value?

https://www.seattlesutton.com/plans-pricing