2020 RESOLUTIONS | WEIGHT, MONEY, COLLEGE, ETC 1/2/2020 - StoryTimeLynn starts 2020 off with one helluva tall tale

[Chantal’s skid marks]

I kept thinking about the weird “lose 127.4 lbs” quote. Well, 127.4 x 5 = 637. She wants to lose 20% of her body weight and weighs 637. Seems possible. Apologies for the sperg.

 

[Ann Berlin]

We all know she's not going to college because she can't fit in lecture seats, but speculation on what she wants to major in?

"There are things I am interested in and have always been interested in... I know exactly what I want to major in, it's something I've always loved and I just want to learn more about it." There's not a lot of things in her life that meet these criteria besides orange chicken. Creative writing? Dinosaurs? Quantum physics? Holy shit, what if it was health sciences. What if she's trying to be a fitness coach.

She's probably saving this for some big reveal clickbait type thing, no other reason why she wouldn't tell us.

 

[Empress of Lucite]

The thing is for us old and tired cunts who have rode this slow cycle of death for years now we know what she is doing, there is no slips, it does not matter what weight she claims to be, we can SEE her not how she wants us to, how she really looks in reality not delusion. Shes only fooling herself because that is what she does, she doesn't look past her saggy titties at all times.
She doesn't own nor would ever get a long floor length mirror, she filters her photos and angles her cameras. She truly believes she is not bad, well at least not AS bad as her haydurs made her out to be. So join us, will you? It is better to understand that she isn't some sort of lying mastermind..shes a dumb ass hick who is losing the last remaining brain cells she has to oxygen deprivation.

That quick clip of her looking like a fucking truck in Eric's recent vlog really fucked up her fantasy weight loss - possibly the only fun part of this particularly boring chapter of the book of Amberlynn is having someone in her home independently documenting her at her highest weight.

 

[KittyGremlin]

OBJECTIVE: SURVIVE

 

[Chihiro]

Much like Chantal and her absurd 380 weight, Amberlynn clings to that 572 number like it's a life line.

The more either of them cling to it, and claim it as their highest weight, you can bet they definitely weigh at least 50 pounds more than it. Amber isn't showing her weight til she gets back to 572 (or at least under 600) and who knows when Chantal will admit to being in the upper 400s.

 

[Situation Type Deal Gorl]

All I got out of it was she saves 40% for taxes, 30 for other savings, and 30 for spending. Which doesn’t seem remotely possible. We can see her spending habits and she has to pay rent for herself and Becky as well as insurance and gas for the car. Not adding up sis.

She also claims she wants to lose 127.4 pounds. I would love to know where she got that number. She should focus on small short goals, but nah, not her.

I'm going to guess that math is not the subject she's always been interested in and wants to learn more about.

She wants to go back to writing poetry. At the mention of it my mind instantly flew back to that clip of her heartfelt reading of Rain and Petals Eavesdrop and I felt my uterus shrivel.

Mine too. And I don't even have one.

"I want to journal everyday" as opposed to.....what you claimed you were already doing? This entire time she kept yapping about how much she loves journaling and writing and that's why she has to buy 10 journals every day, but apparently none of that is actually true since her 2020 resolution is to do what she claimed she was already doing. Oh Amber, never change

Maybe one of her resolutions should have been to write down her lies so she could review them before yammering on with more lies that contradict the old ones. That wouldn't be much fun for us, though, if she was able to keep them straight.

I don't think she realizes what one hell of a Freudian slip "2020 bucket list" is.

Well, it's probably more "Amber is too fucking dumb to know that 'bucket list' is always used in the context of 'shit you want to do before you die'" than Amber implying she only has a year to live.

Well, it isn't as if she studied English in her one, abortive (and "forced") college attempt.

I was thinking about the counselor/therapist situation. Assuming she's actually been seeing someone, she's pretty dismissive of the mere counselor she's been seeing, and wants to step it up a notch and get a *real* therapist. Someone "unbiased" who will let her sit and talk and cry.

I gather this means that she was just about over the "sit and cry" phase with her current counselor and onto the "let's actually work on some issues" phase. That's uncomfortable. It's not gratifying. Time for a new therapist, a real one this time. Another person who will indulge her, someone who "gets" her, perhaps.

She just wants to whine at someone. The same way she doctor shops for medical docs, she'll doc shop for head docs. The momen they want her to put in effort, they get a big "Nope." and she moves on.

 

[mekalekahi]

Its funny she brought up learning to tell people no, because that is exactly what she doesnt do whenever her roomies or destiny and Dana want to go out to eat. Amber eats out daily by her own choice but shes also surrounded by people who do NOTHING else but shop and eat out, they just dont go home and eat 6k cals in bed at the end of the night. If she uploads a video today or tomorrow saying they are getting ready to go get a bite to eat or sushi im going to lose it.

Last year she uploaded a video like this the first week of Jan with a whiteboard detailing her weightloss goals and she was to "lose 160lbs" this year. She then got bad news.

 

[DubbleBubble]

Its funny she brought up learning to tell people no, because that is exactly what she doesnt do whenever her roomies or destiny and Dana want to go out to eat. Amber eats out daily by her own choice but shes also surrounded by people who do NOTHING else but shop and eat out, they just dont go home and eat 6k cals in bed at the end of the night. If she uploads a video today or tomorrow saying they are getting ready to go get a bite to eat or sushi im going to lose it.

Last year she uploaded a video like this the first week of Jan with a whiteboard detailing her weightloss goals and she was to "lose 160lbs" this year. She then got bad news.

Let's be honest, do you really think any of these human blobs know how to interact and have human socialization with other humans in any format other than food/shopping? They'd just sit on their asses staring at each other with nothing to say otherwise, and they physically cant do much more than that.

 

[Slappy McGherkin]

She then got bad news.

She already hinted that disclaimer/overworked excuse in this video at 3;14 "some personal things happened today...", but per usual Fatbrain, "I'm not gonna talk about it." Of course she's not. She'll clickbait it as a title later and still not tell anybody one fucking thing about what was "so bad." Thus is the way of Hamber. Pity me! Bad shit happened! Muh mentalz! <cue single sad teardrop>

 

[Pudgy Bear Claws]

I believe she can lose 127 lbs this year, as soon as they amputate her leaking leg and RotoRooter her filthy vag, bladder and belly button.

 

[Twinkie]

I'm never going to believe that someone who is a legitimate hoarder, who spends hundreds of dollars on food per WEEK on food, like a thousand dollars per month on torrid clothes she never wears, who wastes thousands of dollars on journals and junk jewelry and makeup... saves 40% of her paycheck. And she actually said she saves 70% total, which makes no sense; maybe she misspoke but I think it's more like she can't keep her laah straight.

It's not at all believable that a person who behaves like this is also saving a shit ton of money behind the scenes (and still chose NOT to buy health insurance and NOT pay her medical bills to the point of getting sued).

She a laah.

 

[Keyboard Warrior]

We all know she's not going to college because she can't fit in lecture seats, but speculation on what she wants to major in?

If I had to guess, it's probably something related to fashion. Maybe her 'dream' is to design tarp tents for the super fat Boss Babes of the world. I imagine when you reach infinity fat status, your options become limited to floral couch cushion prints.

Amber's clothing line will merge Torrid sizes with Hot Topic aesthetic.

HorridTM. | For the girl that keeps growing, but not emotionally.

 

[Situation Type Deal Gorl]

Let's be honest, do you really think any of these human blobs know how to interact and have human socialization with other humans in any format other than food/shopping? They'd just sit on their asses staring at each other with nothing to say otherwise, and they physically cant do much more than that.

Seriously. Just look at that vid with Big Al and Shrek on the couch, trying to figure out something to talk about and ending up with conspiracy theory bullshit. None of them are intellectually curious enough about anything to have a real, adult conversation.

I'm never going to believe that someone who is a legitimate hoarder, who spends hundreds of dollars on food per WEEK on food, like a thousand dollars per month on torrid clothes she never wears, who wastes thousands of dollars on journals and junk jewelry and makeup... saves 40% of her paycheck. And she actually said she saves 70% total, which makes no sense; maybe she misspoke but I think it's more like she can't keep her laah straight.

It's not at all believable that a person who behaves like this is also saving a shit ton of money behind the scenes (and still chose NOT to buy health insurance and NOT pay her medical bills to the point of getting sued).

She a laah.

She's full of shit and needs both a remedial math class and a reality check. Also to not be a pathological liar, but that ain't happening.

 

[Misaki Nakahara]

This will definitely be the year where she turns it all around and takes control of her own life again.

She's like an alcoholic who has a collection of one-week sober coins from AA because he keeps having disastrous drinking binges and promising everyone it will never happen again, but can't actually kick the addiction. Except that's tragic because the alcoholic leaves behind family and friends who wanted him to get better, whereas when Amber kicks the bucket no one will give a shit except this board, the Amberlynn subreddit, and her group of orbiters who seem mostly indifferent to the fact that she's eating herself to death.

 

[mekalekahi]

If I had to guess, it's probably something related to fashion. Maybe her 'dream' is to design tarp tents for the super fat Boss Babes of the world. I imagine when you reach infinity fat status, your options become limited to floral couch cushion prints.

Amber's clothing line will merge Torrid sizes with Hot Topic aesthetic.

HorridTM. | For the girl that keeps growing, but not emotionally.

That recent YouTube live she said shes going to study psychology

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

Sure, she's losing weight and gonna go to school, just like my avatar Wingo. Amber only has to buy Becky shitty automobiles she can't afford now, which could well be coming this year.

 

[kebab4you]

We all know she's not going to college because she can't fit in lecture seats, but speculation on what she wants to major in?

"There are things I am interested in and have always been interested in... I know exactly what I want to major in, it's something I've always loved and I just want to learn more about it." There's not a lot of things in her life that meet these criteria besides orange chicken. Creative writing? Dinosaurs? Quantum physics? Holy shit, what if it was health sciences. What if she's trying to be a fitness coach.

She's probably saving this for some big reveal clickbait type thing, no other reason why she wouldn't tell us.

Writing/Food would be my guess, she's terrible at both of course but those are the only hobbies she ever talks about.

 

[Tiki Bar Man]

She's like an alcoholic who has a collection of one-week sober coins from AA because he keeps having disastrous drinking binges and promising everyone it will never happen again, but can't actually kick the addiction. Except that's tragic because the alcoholic leaves behind family and friends who wanted him to get better, whereas when Amber kicks the bucket no one will give a shit except this board, the Amberlynn subreddit, and her group of orbiters who seem mostly indifferent to the fact that she's eating herself to death.

Indifferent is far to generous. I highly doubt the fags, the Kentucky lesbian mafia or even Becky honestly and genuinely give a damn about big al. Beyond the money she provides. Everyone is honestly probably going to give a sigh of relief and a breath of fresh stank free air when she finally goes. The earth will probably be thankful too. They are probably all counting down the moment. Becky probably could not hold out any longer and that's why she decided to get super drugged up on depressants most likely.

 

[Keyboard Warrior]

"Ham And Skittles, CornPop. I ate the wrong fry" --my favorite comment under this video, currently

 

[xoxo_gossipgorl]

Did she say she forgets what she eats that day?? Is she blacking out the second tube turkey hits her lips?