Holy shit, that was a roller coaster and I laughed entirely too hard at some of the things you wrote. It's interesting that in doing all the correct things while trying to make your property more appealing (apparently to both your family and wildlife), WA State essentially decided you did too good a job & they wanted it as their own. You had the choice to either sell it to them and in turn get some money, or you could stare at it once in a blue moon while paying them yearly property tax. Since you couldn't so much as camp on it (fuck building a house, that wasn't happening) you certainly made the right move.
EVERYONE got ass fucked during that period. Weyerhaeuser got its ass kicked by the state so badly it went from the #1 employer in the state to damn near nothing. Whole fucking towns ended up unemployed when mills shut down, people got their property basically taken away or locked out from doing any type of improvement what so ever even if they had been living in a 100 year old house. It went beyond worst case scenarios into a melt-down that a lot of people point at as government overreach and EPA corruption as whole sections of property were just snatched up by the states or turned over to environmental groups for "oversight". In two of the cases of environmental groups being given oversight, those self-same groups waited about 5-10 years and either stripmined it or clearcut it for a massive profit.
I got lucky. I knew that you can't fight City Hall, and that State and Federal like it when you squirm and scream, so I just accepted the parachute and yanked the eject lever.
Finding spotted owls on my property meant I was straight up fucked in the ass by a tiny flying rodent with a brain the size of a dime.
Not to sound smug, but this just keeps getting better and better with this douchebag. You don't even have to do anything, he screws himself over worse than anyone with a vendetta ever could. He refuses to see it though and instead of stepping back and re-evaluating his decisions, he doubles down and fucks himself further.
It's kind of ironic, his intentional comedy is horrendous, but the things he does unintentionally are turning out to be pretty damn hilarious. Maybe not for him, but from where we're standing it's pretty satisfying.
And to think I thought he had outdone himself with the IRS.
Onion Boy is one of those people who are convinced they'll always come out on top because they're smarter, more ruthless, and just better than anyone else. And while individual members of the government he's taking on might be stupid, he's taking on a state organization that ass fucked the biggest logging consortium in the state so badly it's eyes bugged out like they were a muppet on the sodomy episode of Sesame Street.
Since he's in the Seattle area, which has a long established problem with mudslides (every couple years Renton and the like suffer mudslides that fucking kill people ad destroy millions or even tens of millions of dollars of property. From the pics, he lives on a hill, and when it comes to property at the top or at the top 1/3 slope, especially with a pond on it, the city will be keeping a close eye on this.
He's not only looking at the city, he's looking at the county, the state, and the feds, all ALL the organizations. If he fucks around and pisses people in the local offices off, he'll find motherfuckers from the EPA running soil fluidity tests, watershed acidic level tests, particle parts per X in groundwater tests, and billing HIM for every single ones.
Depending on how badly he's pissed off the state and county and feds, he might not be able to get away with small 5-10 foot trees with a rootball and 2-3 feet of unfolded umbrella root web. I've heard horror stories about what happens then.
If he used that backhoe to dig, or the blade to scrape the topsoil off, he's fucked even MORE. Topsoil in WA is full of old decaying roots, it's why out in the brush you tear up a handful of soil it makes a tearing noise. It's a major part of what holds the soil on top of the clay. (It's a long bit about how during the last ice-age the glaciers carved WA, then as they receded dropped all of the previously Canadian soil into WA in sedimentary layers on top of hard glacier formed clay) It's why what he did can be so dangerous, since rainfall affecting his property is more than just his little parcel of land, it's also all the land "upstream" of him. While it may only rain 8" that day, all the acreage above him gets the same rain, and his soil, previously held together by the roots of the plants and trees, is now saturated with water heading "downstream", turning that top layer of clay slicker than goose snot. Normally, is is what given the roots a chance to burrow in a little further and convert the clay to dirt, but without the roots, you get a thin layer of slick damn near frictionless material with tons of soil above it, being pulled downhill by gravity.
The EPA and BLM guys know this shit. They explained it to my dipshit ass in small enough words I still remember. If they get involved, Onion Boy better prepare his vegan holes for ICBM sized penetration.
Grug the Onion has no fucking chance against these people if he's being hit with wetlands DAMAGE. Wetlands endangerment is bad enough, but if he fucking did wetlands damage, watershed and water table damage, Washington State is going to use him like a particularly greasy fleshlight till money shoots out his nose.