What Was the WORST Thing that You've Ever Made?

glass_houses dijo:
While disgusting, it really doesn't count unless you made it with intention of eating. Otherwise it's just exceptional individuals throwing random shit onto the walls.
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Aw.

Burned cheap pasta then. Threw most of it away.
 
i got some trader joe thai noodles out of a food pantry thing, figuring that they'd been there for awhile and no one else in Ohio was going to want to try it so fuck why not. i had never stepped inside a trader joe's before, nor had thai noodles, so kinda just trusted that whoever had thrown them in the box (it was a take some/leave some sort of deal) knew that they didn't need refrigerated and were still good and all that.

so maybe two or three weeks later, i'm hungry late at night, don't want to cook for long, kinda want pasta, figure that pouring some gravy over the noodles would taste pretty aight. so i get the water boiling, look at the directions, get the noodles done, drain them...and smell one of the worst fucking smells of my life. like...it smelled like vomit mixed with flour. i was so confused. is this how thai noodles are suppose to smell? am i being an uncultural oppressive white shitlord by thinking something is very wrong with this situation?

after a few minutes of soul searching, i finally thought to look at the "best by" date, and saw that it expired in 20-fucking-14. this event happened a couple months ago.

fuck you, noodle dude, for giving me white guilt and supreme disappointment. i really wanted to try a slightly different kind of noodle that night.
 
Lurkette dijo:
i got some trader joe thai noodles out of a food pantry thing, figuring that they'd been there for awhile and no one else in Ohio was going to want to try it so fuck why not. i had never stepped inside a trader joe's before, nor had thai noodles, so kinda just trusted that whoever had thrown them in the box (it was a take some/leave some sort of deal) knew that they didn't need refrigerated and were still good and all that.

so maybe two or three weeks later, i'm hungry late at night, don't want to cook for long, kinda want pasta, figure that pouring some gravy over the noodles would taste pretty aight. so i get the water boiling, look at the directions, get the noodles done, drain them...and smell one of the worst fucking smells of my life. like...it smelled like vomit mixed with flour. i was so confused. is this how thai noodles are suppose to smell? am i being an uncultural oppressive white shitlord by thinking something is very wrong with this situation?

after a few minutes of soul searching, i finally thought to look at the "best by" date, and saw that it expired in 20-fucking-14. this event happened a couple months ago.

fuck you, noodle dude, for giving me white guilt and supreme disappointment. i really wanted to try a slightly different kind of noodle that night.
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lmao, putting expired food in food bins is now my new go to for oppressing the poor. Thanks for the idea!
 
entropyseekswork dijo:
lmao, putting expired food in food bins is now my new go to for oppressing the poor. Thanks for the idea!
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u should join a church outreach program, sometimes they even give you opened/possibly eaten food
also a shitton of canned pork n beans and awful instant macaroni
 
Lurkette dijo:
u should join a church outreach program, sometimes they even give you opened/possibly eaten food
also a shitton of canned pork n beans and awful instant macaroni
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Admittedly, the local community pantry does stock expired meat, but at least the supermarkets have the decency to freeze it before donating if it doesn't sell within the expiration date. I am enough of a dick to find putting ancient perishable food out for unsuspecting victims funny though. :biggrin: You'll never know who you've trolled, which brings with it a certain degree of subtilty and elegance that more direct forms lack.
 
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I can't cook for shit anyway, but got drunk and stoned and decided to make grilled cheese (normally even I can handle that). Well I ended up using way too much butter, and ended up with soggy bread around a piece of melted cheese. I still ate it. Then there was the time my sister started making mac and cheese. Turned out we were out of m.ilk so she used french vanilla coffee creamer.
 
I didn't "make" it, but I got some chile flavored cheetos from Aldi because they were sell-by today and ten cents for a giant bag.

I don't know if they're that horrible tasting due to their age or just the weird-ass recipe they use, but jesus fucking christ they don't mean chili peppers they must mean unwashed prostitute from Chile.
 
Deadpool dijo:
Turned out we were out of m.ilk so she used french vanilla coffee creamer.
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Reminds me of the time I accidentally used vanilla soy mïlk in a cheese sauce instead of the regular, unflavored soy mïlk. Both their cartons looked the same, and I was on autopilot from making the sauce so damn much. That was a very sad day.
 
I tried making coconut soup by dumping two percent milk, lime juice, and shredded coconut into a pot. Didn't even get to the "eat it" part because the lime made the milk curdle.

Thankfully I know what I'm doing now.
 
I made a pepperoni and Brach's jellybean pizza once.
Don't judge me.
 
In high school cooking class we had a unit on Italian food--pasta, meats, desserts, all that stuff. Our test was basically that all of us would cook one Italian dish and sample everyone else's cooking. I got to make pizzelles, which are basically thin cookie/waffle hybrids. I had all the ingredients in front of me; I followed the directions; things should have gone fine, right?
Welllllll...I accidentally put in baking soda instead of baking powder. Or maybe it was baking powder instead of baking soda. I had no idea, at the time, that they were completely different things. Either way, the pizzelles I made tasted okay for the first couple bites...and then the horrible aftertaste kicked in.
Needless to say, I received an F.
 
Morose_Obesity dijo:
I got strawberries from on that seemed to be subject to time accelerated rotting in mere hours.
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Yeah, I got a bunch of kale that was the same. I saw it and knew that there had to be a catch, and while it looked fine from the outside it turned out to be bright yellow in the centre. It wasn't really a problem since even before I ended up relying on charity I only bought kale to put through a blender and freeze it into cubes for smoothies, but I absolutely do not trust any vegetables or fruit I get to stay edible for more than a few days without cooking it into something and freezing it. But honestly, so long as it's safe to eat you can't complain too loudly about free food.

That said, Homebrand or store brand tinned spaghetti and baked beans may qualify as crimes against humanity.
 
Honestly? Probably the one egg omlet that I was "taught" in the mandatory home-ec class in 8th grade. I had been cooking simple stuff at home by this time (Kraft Mac& Cheese, Hamburger Helper, simple shit) and I could tell this was going to suck. No milk, no salt or pepper, knock-off american cheese for the filling. It was nasty.
 
I once subsisted for several weeks off nothing but a bag of flour and a bag of rice. I made shitty unleavened flatbreads, I made ricecakes, I made every combination of water, flour and/or rice it was possible to make.

EDIT: I remembered an even better story for this thread.

Once at school my friend and I had some brown bag lunch items left over and we decided to make the worst taste sensation we could out of them. A PB&J sandwich became PB&J with wasabi and Listerine breath strips (little super-minty melty things you place on your tongue). As if that wasn't horrible enough we also had an apple which we slathered with mustard and wasabi as well.

I don't remember actually eating it (selective amnesia due to trauma no doubt) but I can imagine it was pretty horrible.
 
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DeathKorpsofKrieg dijo:
I made sad nachos topped with refried beans, taco meat, velveeta with rotel, holy guacamole dip, and shredded cheese.
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I was wondering what was sad about this. Then I read. . .

I thought getting whole wheat chips would make it healthier....
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*HURL*

Morose_Obesity dijo:
On a hangover binge, I put ranch dressing on peanut butter and jelly, with some of that Kerrygold butter. Pretty good,
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The ranch is outstandingly awful but you could put Kerrygold butter on cat food and it would be good.
 
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