Jurassic Park/World megathread - Spared no expense.

[CervixHammer]

This thing looks dumb as hell. Why does it have four arms (aside from "because the Queen Alien did")?

 

[Calandrino]

Yet again they ignore the very baseline concept that the dinosaurs were monstrous and murderous because they were already hybridized and then mismanaged. They failed to even handle the mutation from a specific frog's DNA which caused the vast overpopulation issues. This was long before they thought to make a homunculus in World.

I'm sure the next story will be they made Dickriposaurus for "military applications" that still necessitates a human pointing a gun at their intended target.

I'm a little confused about how we went from being able to extract dino DNA from 100 million year old mosquitos to chasing around live dinosaurs for a sample. They can't just find a toenail or something?

Maybe it's my Jurassic Park brain-addled inner child speaking, but does T Rex being only as tall as the roof of a bedroom just feel wrong to anybody else?

Do you mean the juvenile or do you have a really tall bedroom? 3+ meters is much taller than an ordinary room.

This thing looks dumb as hell. Why does it have four arms (aside from "because the Queen Alien did")?
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And again, we went from "what would it be like to see a real-life dinosaur" to "what would it be like to see a generic CGI monster"...

 

[Agarathium1066]

I'm a little confused about how we went from being able to extract dino DNA from 100 million year old mosquitos to chasing around live dinosaurs for a sample. They can't just find a toenail or something?

They could but that would instantly invalidate a whole plot so they're conveniently ignoring it.

This thing looks dumb as hell. Why does it have four arms (aside from "because the Queen Alien did")?
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We made Distortus (What a shit name) wrong as a jape! This will make it less effective at locomotion and combat but we think it looks creepier so we're running with that. Oh and the weird bulge like its a waterheaded baby too.

 

[Neet Tokusatsu]

This franchise has always neutered itself in terms of its action as well. I want to see guys with rifles and explosives trying to kill these things. Not the same survival horror montage where people without weapons have to fight to survive amongst the dinosaurs. I want Peter Jacksons King Kong.

The older and more cynical i get the more that fact bothers me, 6 fucking movies and for some reason we never got a single scene like this.

Guns powerful enough to kill elephants have been around for over a hundred years now, it feels like there's a bible in this franchise that plainly states "No guns allowed".

 

[Tasty Tatty]

This thing looks dumb as hell. Why does it have four arms (aside from "because the Queen Alien did")?

Spoiler

Malformations happen all the time, specially in countries with so little prenatal care or with high cases of inbreeding. In the case of JP/JW, we know they experimented while making the dinos. They couldn't have good results at first chance.

 

[BigBadBastich]

The older and more cynical i get the more that fact bothers me, 6 fucking movies and for some reason we never got a single scene like this.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=UeSd1GoUW-M
Guns powerful enough to kill elephants have been around for over a hundred years now, it feels like there's a bible in this franchise that plainly states "No guns allowed".

I bet the reason we don't see dinos being gunned down or blown up is because of some weird PETA backlash or China.

 

[Mac Monster]

This thing looks dumb as hell. Why does it have four arms (aside from "because the Queen Alien did")?
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So many cool and badass theropods, and yet Hollywood kikes still insist on using these ugly hybrids. The retarded beluga head they gave to this thing just takes away any sort of menace it may have had.

 

[Calandrino]

So many cool and badass theropods, and yet Hollywood kikes still insist on using these ugly hybrids. The retarded beluga head they gave to this thing just takes away any sort of menace it may have had.

I always thought they should do extinct mammals or trilobites or pre-humans or something like that. Sea creatures. Giant bugs. Going with fictional video game monsters is stupid for more reasons than I care to write down.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

So many cool and badass theropods, and yet Hollywood kikes still insist on using these ugly hybrids. The retarded beluga head they gave to this thing just takes away any sort of menace it may have had.

Fugly Beluga in the tentpole flick
shows how much it will suck dick

 

[mlanguishi]

Revoews are coming out, looks mediocre. Somehow this guy got the first review I saw on youtube.

2 stars here https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/jurassic-world-rebirth-scarlett-johannsson-movie-review-2025

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/jurassic_world_rebirth Had some hope on this one, but.. Looks around same as last ones on reception now.

 

[jray4559]

I was washing dishes a couple of days ago and in the background my dad had Jurassic World Dominion on. I'd seen the first Jurassic World and it was just one of those disaster movie with dinosaurs kind of things, basically Jurassic Park and Independence Day had a baby. I liked it, nothing special, and honestly a completely generic movie, but it wasn't *offensive* or standout-awful. Basically the movie equivalent of fast food.

It was the last third of that movie that I was looking at every once in a while while washing plates and shit and my fucking god, it was terrible. All the characters were just walking around to places, token minority black girl walked with them, and everything just felt contrived. Way too many cuts. Too much weird conversation stuff. Looking it up apparently it is actually a really really awful movie even by action blockbuster standards.

Rebirth isn't worse than Dominion, right? Can you really get much worse?

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

Rebirth isn't worse than Dominion, right? Can you really get much worse

Life, uhhh. Finds a way.

 

[Neet Tokusatsu]

I bet the reason we don't see dinos being gunned down or blown up is because of some weird PETA backlash or China.

More like the kikes at Hollywood think armed civilians gunning down dinosaurs instead of "learning to coexist with them" would be too "right-wing". A character like Burt Gummer from Tremors or that hunter from The Lost World just can't exist in this day and age.

 

[Screamer_2]

token minority black girl walked with them, and everything just felt contrived.

I know an incredibly woke person who commented on the film being bad by saying, "as the main cast are while, every supporting character is black and so you know they won't die."

 

[Tasty Tatty]

that hunter from The Lost World just can't exist in this day and age.

TBF, the hunter was portrayed negatively. His actions were more dumb than stupid, though.

Both Alan and Muldoon had guns when dealing with the raptors. They weren't above using them. Ingen had a team to kill the Indo too and they weren't necessarily portrayed as "bad".

 

[MrJokerRager]

I bet the reason we don't see dinos being gunned down or blown up is because of some weird PETA backlash or China.

It's because of Spielberg wanting to appeal to kids and a broad audience.

TBF, the hunter was portrayed negatively. His actions were more dumb than stupid, though.

Both Alan and Muldoon had guns when dealing with the raptors. They weren't above using them. Ingen had a team to kill the Indo too and they weren't necessarily portrayed as "bad".

Muldoon used a bazooka on both the raptors and rexy.

And indirectly killed rexy in the book.

I was washing dishes a couple of days ago and in the background my dad had Jurassic World Dominion on. I'd seen the first Jurassic World and it was just one of those disaster movie with dinosaurs kind of things, basically Jurassic Park and Independence Day had a baby. I liked it, nothing special, and honestly a completely generic movie, but it wasn't *offensive* or standout-awful. Basically the movie equivalent of fast food.

It was the last third of that movie that I was looking at every once in a while while washing plates and shit and my fucking god, it was terrible. All the characters were just walking around to places, token minority black girl walked with them, and everything just felt contrived. Way too many cuts. Too much weird conversation stuff. Looking it up apparently it is actually a really really awful movie even by action blockbuster standards.

Rebirth isn't worse than Dominion, right? Can you really get much worse?

I noticed the gas station in the commercial, is copied straight from the second book.

And disappointed there is no goth tomboy chic as there was in the second book iirc.

 

[Tasty Tatty]

And disappointed there is no goth tomboy chic as there was in the second book iirc.

Did she do gymnastics, though?

 

[Scarlett Johansson]

Jonathan Bailey is extremely overrated and he looks like a monkey.

 

[Judge Holden]

This thing looks dumb as hell. Why does it have four arms (aside from "because the Queen Alien did")?
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Speaking of Xenomorphs I see that the admittedly kinda fetching looking "Beluga Xenomorph" concept from the early concept of Prometheus is being hauled out again after a disappointing outing as "Neomorphs" in Alien Covenant


Honestly, my opinion that percolated this morning while on the terlit was that all these sequels suffer from the original sin of the first Jurassic Park in that the dinosaurs and the park itself were depicted as unironically wonderful and majestic and beautiful even if they were still dangerous as all hell, aided by Spielberg giving the first movie his A game to ensure shit was cinematic and polished as all hell in a way that still stands up thirty years on, while also remaining kid friendly and having broad audience appeal as mentioned above.

This means that the identity of the movie franchise is existentially chained to the dinosaurs being overtly majestic and awe inspiring and all kinds of positive shit and everything remaining decidedly PG-13 at worst because of how well this all worked in the first movie and how it unfortunately made a fuckbucket of cash with the Jurassic World reboot, which means that any and all execs involved will move heaven and earth to make 1000% sure this shit is adhered to by the writers and directors, and the writers and directors themselves are all too often just lost in trying to emulate the OG either in total movie concept or just in aesthetics and vibes.

I know that by this point harping on about how edgy and dark n shit the original novel was is long since passe, especially given the spree of shitty to (very rarely) mid analog horror fanfics of the franchise since then, but honestly a whole lot of the failed sequel concepts and synopses would have almost certainly worked out a whole lot better if the franchise had never been burdened by the Spielbergian family friendly legacy of the first movie with the dinosaurs depicted as horrifyingly dangerous and mutated walking abortions that are all functionally psychopaths due to how fucked their brain chemistry was from birth and how they received zero socialisation growing up, and the various attempts at reviving the "Jurassic Park" concept in-universe being ever more cynical ploys to wallpaper over the horror and risks under the assumption that so long as they add an extra security gimmick then they can make shit safe enough to become profitable.

 

[MrJokerRager]

Did she do gymnastics, though?

She was described as athletic but no gymnastics moves against the raptors or even the bigger invisible carnatours.