Prison Letters Dec 22, 2021 Letter - Chris Reveals the New Ten Commandments

[awoo]

I saw Chris's new commandments on the wiki and I thought it could make an interesting comparison to the mainline Christianity Commandments for the wiki.
Note that some denominations number the commandments differently. If anyone knows how Chris's church would number it, that would be useful. People who are more familiar with the Bible are welcome to add commentary.

Misc: Chris uses archaic pronouns, probably due to having a KJV Bible as reference, but not archaic verb forms.

1) Thou may have and worship one or multiple Gods, Goddesses, and Demi-Gods, or even none at all; which ever best feels well and good with thee.
Antithetical to the greatest obligation to God and fundamental belief of monotheism: "I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me". Chris replaces the uniqueness of God with whatever people feel like.

2) Thou may make for yourself an Idol that is safe and good and blessed; thou must not make for yourself an Idol that is harmful, toxic, or demonic to you or anyone else.
Antithetical to "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image". Although what counts as an idol varies through history and Christian denominations. Nowadays depictions of Jesus, God, other biblical scenes and figures is common in 2d and 3d art (Islam is much more strict about depicting biblical figures.) I'm not sure what exactly Chris means by idol or if he is aware of what it means.

3) Thou must not misuse the name of the Lord your God, or any other God, Goddess, or Demi-God; "God Damn It" shall be most punishable as well.
Aside from straying from monotheism, is similar to "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain" (KJV) / "You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God" (NSRV modern translation). The note about "God damnit" is stereotypical conservative American Christian chiding.

4) Remember to observe the Sabbath day (Sunday) by keeping itHoly
Very similar to "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy". Note Jews traditionally observe Sabbath starting from Saturday dusk while most Christians observe on Sunday.

5) Honor thy father, mother, and any or all legal guardians who have helped greatly in your raising and support.
Similar to "Honor thy father and thy mother", though arguably diminishes the special role parents have by bringing up guardians.

6) Thou must not murder, nor commit, or helpanother [sic] to commit, suicide, regardless of circumstances.
Similar to "Thou shalt not murder". Possibly treats suicide as "self-murder" and assisted suicide as "murder" based on how it is included in the commandment. The morality of assisted suicide is nowadays a controversial ethics question (I'm not sure of Christian views on suicide - I assume it is destroying the person which is a gift from God).

7) Adultry is okay, well, and good, as long as all involved are direct, open, and honest with each other; thou must not commit adultry in secret from thy partner(s).
Completely antithetical to "Thou shalt not commit adultery". Funny how flagrantly this disregards traditional Christian morality.

8) Thou must not steal.
Identical to "Thou shalt not steal".

9) Thou must not testify falsely against thy neighbor, or anyone, nor testify without prior knowledge of the greater contexts and truths of the circumstances and details.
Similar to "Thou shalt not bear false witness against that neighbor", but more verbose and expands to include anyone.

10) Thou must not covet thy neighbor's belongings
Similar to "Thou shalt not covet..." commandments, though leaves out neighbor's wife, unless she counts as a belonging.

14) Thou shalt not hate thy neighbours or others that share Any similarities in Race, Ethnicity, Interests, or whatever else with thee. And thou shalt not hate thy self for any of these traits or interests, either.
Similar in spirit to Biblical "love thy neighbor" which is thematically in the Ten Commandments, but Chris is more explicitly racist and autistic about interests.

21) Thou need not feel pressured nor obligated to pursue sexual relations, and among All who pressure and talk continuously about sex, please do not speak on and on. And thou need not feel obligated to listen if thou feel uneasy around others when they speak of which. For sexual relations are Better when thou and thy partner(s) actually feel appreciative and open, and Not pressured by others beforehand.
No apparent connection to The Commandments (other than tangentially to adultery). The Bible in Genesis does encourage to "be fruitful and multiply" and "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."

 

[Ophelia]

Misc: Chris uses archaic pronouns, probably due to having a KJV Bible as reference, but not archaic verb forms.

He does it to sound special and powerful.

Spoiler: The rest of my reply

2) Thou may make for yourself an Idol that is safe and good and blessed; thou must not make for yourself an Idol that is harmful, toxic, or demonic to you or anyone else.
Antithetical to "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image". Although what counts as an idol varies through history and Christian denominations. Nowadays depictions of Jesus, God, other biblical scenes and figures is common in 2d and 3d art (Islam is much more strict about depicting biblical figures.) I'm not sure what exactly Chris means by idol or if he is aware of what it means.

It goes along with the first commandment, especially since (explicit) idol worship was a much bigger deal when the ten commandments were written. To me it comes down to Chris wants to be worshipped and loves the idea of people building altars to him.

3) Thou must not misuse the name of the Lord your God, or any other God, Goddess, or Demi-God; "God Damn It" shall be most punishable as well.
Aside from straying from monotheism, is similar to "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain" (KJV) / "You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God"

Some scholars say this commandment means “Don’t do evil in God’s name.” A lot of people get that one wrong, so it’s no surprise Chunky is clueless too.

5) Honor thy father, mother, and any or all legal guardians who have helped greatly in your raising and support.
Similar to "Honor thy father and thy mother", though arguably diminishes the special role parents have by bringing up guardians.

“Guardians” is implied in the text. Adoptions happened in Bible times too, after all. Chris is an idiot who over-explains everything.

(I'm not sure of Christian views on suicide - I assume it is destroying the person which is a gift from God).

It depends on the denomination. Generally, mental health and what drives someone to suicide is better understood now. Chris is an idiot who over-explains things, but hopefully this points to him not being suicidal.

21) Thou need not feel pressured nor obligated to pursue sexual relations, and among All who pressure and talk continuously about sex, please do not speak on and on. And thou need not feel obligated to listen if thou feel uneasy around others when they speak of which. For sexual relations are Better when thou and thy partner(s) actually feel appreciative and open, and Not pressured by others beforehand.

Chris is a hypocrite who wants his male stalkers to shut up.

 

[awoo]

Some scholars say this commandment means “Don’t do evil in God’s name.” A lot of people get that one wrong, so it’s no surprise Chunky is clueless too.

I believe that meaning, although is it related to the Jewish practice of not saying YHWH out loud? It seems to me those more concerned with rituals would take it literally, and those concerned with ethics will take it in the figurative meaning.

I agree in general that Chris over explains things, ruining the terseness of the commandments that makes them so memorable without providing any good commentary (for example, what exactly a graven image is or what honoring thy parents really means).

I also think Chris must have a KJV bible because those are the most common with that style of English and his specific wording is too similar. Otherwise he is familiar with the KJV style of Commandments which to be fair are the most common. The English is fancy and majestic but again Chris over explains it.

 

[Marvin]

Note Jews traditionally observe Sabbath starting from Saturday dusk while most Christians observe on Sunday.

Small correction: the Jewish day of rest is from sundown, Friday to sundown, Saturday.

 

[Bassomatic]

Small correction: the Jewish day of rest is from sundown, Friday to sundown, Saturday.

Chris tries to err side of caution, while I understand some rabbis are upset using a toaster on the day of rest, Chris doesn't work 7 days of the week.

 

[Chazzed Up]

I'm not sure what exactly Chris means by idol or if he is aware of what it means.

He is without a doubt referring to cartoon characters and da oh sees. Chris has throughout his whole life bowed down to media and pieces of plastic, pretty much the definition of idol worship.

 

[Tennis-Ball-Tony]

Chris is a hypocrite who wants his male stalkers to shut up.

I still think Chris wrote that new commandment to go along with his completely 180 on if he fucked Barb. It's way too on-the-nose with his desperate backpedaling on what "soul bonding" really is. Like that picture he drew of "soul bonding" which is now just hugging someone and sending them positive vibes.

Basically to me it's saying that one of Chris's set in stone commandments is not to pressure people for sex constantly (most likely something he was doing with Barb, or his previous fake girlfriends), which goes along with his new defense that he didn't fuck Barb or pressure for sex because it's one of his commandments. I guarantee he's going to demand that and his drawing(s) be entered into evidence in his defense. Or demand Heilberg bring it up.

 

[Pickle Inspector]

It goes along with the first commandment, especially since (explicit) idol worship was a much bigger deal when the ten commandments were written. To me it comes down to Chris wants to be worshipped and loves the idea of people building altars to him.

I agree Chris's ego and him wanting to be worshipped has a lot to do with it but it might also have to do with Chris's belief in sympathetic magic, like how he used a lego representation of various people he didn't like, put them in a jar together and shook the jar up thereby he was "Voodoo-Wise Shaking Them Up for Real!".

So if he believes doing that can have negative effects he probally thinks worshipping an idol of him and 'putting out positive energy' can have benefical effects too.

 

[A-№1]

I also think Chris must have a KJV bible

It's probably a Gideons brown cover bible they donate to jails and prisons. These are usually KJV.

Small correction: the Jewish day of rest is from sundown, Friday to sundown, Saturday.

Does this mean the man was in a kosher dill pickle suit?

while I understand some rabbis are upset using a toaster on the day of rest,

It's pushing the buttons on the toaster, not the toaster itself. Jews are not permitted to light fires on the sabbath (previously lit fires are apparently fine), and some consider that to include the slight spark that happens when electrical contact is made by pushing a button.

Chris, meanwhile, pushes buttons all the time. It's probably a good thing he's no boy scout and doesn't know how to start fires (without a keurig and a bunch of extension cords).

 

[A Grey Cat]

Chris wants to be worshipped and loves the idea of people building altars to him.

This... A thousand times this. Lardass is so unhappy with how his lot in life turned out that he wants to be seen as an uber baddass god emperor of the universe and not as a fat retarded mother fucker.

 

[Flavius Anthemius]

This... A thousand times this. Lardass is so unhappy with how his lot in life turned out that he wants to be seen as an uber baddass god emperor of the universe and not as a fat retarded mother fucker.

Mhmm, there's a reason he started calling his residence the Sonichu temple, and then created a google listing for it, it definitely wasn't just because he wanted a poke stop or a gym to be there, some of the fame/attention he's recieved over the years has completely inundated his thought process on how many people are actually admirers or fans of him.

 

[Ophelia]

It reminds me of the 9th Alec call:

Alec: I mean, it sounds, it kinda sounds like, if I had drawn you as a perfect, you know, super-strong master of the universe like you draw yourself in your comic, then you would have been fine with it, because I would have been kissing your ass in that case.

Chris: That would have been, that would have been considered, that would be considerably agreeable right there between us, yeah.

Alec: So you prefer that people just kiss your ass all the time?

Chris: It may, it may, it helps, it makes me feel better, it makes me feel encouraged.

 

[A Grey Cat]

Mhmm, there's a reason he started calling his residence the Sonichu temple, and then created a google listing for it, it definitely wasn't just because he wanted a poke stop or a gym to be there, some of the fame/attention he's recieved over the years has completely inundated his thought process on how many people are actually admirers or fans of him.

I refer you to "panel " held for him at mag fest. It was nothing but weens and trolls holding what at best you could call a roast in his honor but to Chris's little peanut brain. A roast by any other name would smell just as sweet.


In other words the big retard saw the panel as "fans" and "well wishers " finally praising him as the great hero of cwcville he always saw himself as. And that was good enough for him.

 

[awoo]

I was reading about what exactly idolatry means and the definition also includes worship of created things. Chris, being the consumerist he is, almost worships toys and games, as well as physical locations such as his local mall.

Paul expands on idolotry in Colossians 3:5 to include sinful behaviors which Chris has pretty much all indulged in:

Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry (KJV)

in modern language:
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry (NIV)

From Wikipedia

In dozens of passages, the Hebrew Bible refers to specific practices used to worship idols, including the offering of incense, prayers, food, drink, and blood offerings, singing and dancing, cutting one's flesh, bowing down to and kissing the idol, lewd behavior, passing one's children through the fire, cultic male and female prostitution, and human sacrifice, including child sacrifice.

For some reason this made me think of the unclit and various sex acts performed by Chris who is self absorbed enough to call himself a "goddess"

 

[Ophelia]

I was reading about what exactly idolatry means and the definition also includes worship of created things. Chris, being the consumerist he is, almost worships toys and games, as well as physical locations such as his local mall.

Paul expands on idolotry in Colossians 3:5 to include sinful behaviors which Chris has pretty much all indulged in:

Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry (KJV)

in modern language:
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry (NIV)

Chris has broken almost all of the ten commandments and committed all of the seven deadly sins gleefully and with no remorse.

 

[A Grey Cat]

Chris has broken almost all of the ten commandments and committed all of the seven deadly sins gleefully and with no remorse.

all but actually killing someone. unless clyde cash's brother commiting suicide over the comics going on hiatus counts as indirectly killing him.

 

[RadioactiveMonkeyMan]

all but actually killing someone. unless clyde cash's brother commiting suicide over the comics going on hiatus counts as indirectly killing him.

Technically, if Chris genuinely considers fictional characters and OC's as real, living things with souls he has showed comfort and willingness to murder or commit violence on others, so long as there's no consequences.

Stupid take, but if it's real to him then the sin has still been committed.

 

[Ophelia]

all but actually killing someone. unless clyde cash's brother commiting suicide over the comics going on hiatus counts as indirectly killing him.

He technically hasn’t committed adultery. A gross sexual sin (if you believe in the Bible), yes, but not that specific one.

Suicidal people are usually responsible for their own actions. That fictional situation is not on Chris.

 

[A-№1]

all but actually killing someone.

Only due to his lack of ability.

Chris would get his ass kicked if he tried to kill someone in real life, so he does all his murders in his comics.

He technically hasn’t committed adultery.

He fucked Bob's wife while Bob has been away in CWCville.

But at least Chris has never participated in freemasonry.

 

[Tennis-Ball-Tony]

Chris would get his ass kicked if he tried to kill someone in real life, so he does all his murders in his comics.

"Chris is incapable of raping anyone."