Bad Dragon customer service, Penis speaking: how may I help you?

"Hello? Hi is your penis rising?"
Unfortunately I cannot answer that question at this time. I'll have to put you on hold. Estimated wait time is 2-3 hours. Sorry for the inconvenience.
*smooth jazz instrumental plays*

Hi, Norm. What seems to be the problem today?

Yeah lemme get uhhhhh a number 3…extra fries and a large Diet Coke.
I believe you have the wrong number, sir.
 
Hello, on your website you have a Coca Cola can next to your dragon dildo, and I believe it is false advertising. I paid over a hundred dollars thinking I would receive a can of refreshing coke only to receive a fleshy cock.

May I get a refund or exchange for the can of coke in the advertisement? I have no use for this dildo aside from a paperweight, but there is no paper at my desk to weigh down.
 
My 10 inch dog Dick just isn’t satisfying my immeasurable cock lust any more, what do you recommend I try next?
Ah, yes. As a matter of fact, our award-winning "Orochi" comes in a 11.5 inch length if you select the "large" option or 13 inch "extra large" if you feel you're ready for it.

Hello, on your website you have a Coca Cola can next to your dragon dildo, and I believe it is false advertising. I paid over a hundred dollars thinking I would receive a can of refreshing coke only to receive a fleshy cock.

May I get a refund or exchange for the can of coke in the advertisement? I have no use for this dildo aside from a paperweight, but there is no paper at my desk to weigh down.
I regret to inform you that due to the nature of the products we sell we only accept returns on items that are defective.
 
Sir, this is a Wendys.
So are you requesting advice on a gift for a favorite employee or manager? I'd be happy to advise you on what to give them this holiday season. I'm just going to need to ask you some personal questions if that's okay with you.

Uh, um ok so I don't know how to say this but uh the entire dildo is in my ass. Like uh the entire thing.
Would you like to upgrade to a larger size that won't fit in your anus in its entirety?
 
So are you requesting advice on a gift for a favorite employee or manager? I'd be happy to advise you on what to give them this holiday season. I'm just going to need to ask you some personal questions if that's okay with you.


Would you like to upgrade to a larger size that won't fit in your anus in its entirety?
Well yes but uh how do I get this one out? Should I call 911?
 
how do I get this one out?
We unfortunately won't be able to accept a return on the item in question if that's what you're asking.
Should I call 911?
We are not affiliated with that service and so I cannot advise you one way or the other on your decision whether or not to use it.

Why are aliens constantly grouped with furries? Asking for a friend.
We specialize in alternative adult toys and do not discriminate on what "alternative" means to you. Any other questions?
 
So are you requesting advice on a gift for a favorite employee or manager? I'd be happy to advise you on what to give them this holiday season. I'm just going to need to ask you some personal questions if that's okay with you.

Sir, I get paid minimum wage. If you're not going to order I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to step out of the line.
 
We unfortunately won't be able to accept a return on the item in question if that's what you're asking.

We are not affiliated with that service and so I cannot advise you one way or the other on your decision whether or not to use it.


We specialize in alternative adult toys and do not discriminate on what "alternative" means to you. Any other questions?
Well I guess I'll just keep it up there then.
 
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