Your Secondary-Embarrassing Stories - well thank god that wasn’t me

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Snusmumriken

Snusmumriken

Let’s go fill the Internet with crime, come on!
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kiwifarms.net
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15 de Mar, 2019
It’s easy to laugh off our own not-so-charming moments. But there is something unique to secondary-embarrassment, something so humbling in the knowledge that that could have been us, that we tend to keep those stories to ourselves. Not here.

Several years ago, I went to a yoga class for the first time. What I understand now is that it’s perfectly common for women to queef during yoga as many of the positions draw air into the vagina, and as we all know, yogis have some of the loosest pussies around. So we’re doing shoulder stands, everything is going well, we transition to the floor…and then BRAAAAAAAAAP.

It was the queen of all queefs. It could have shattered the windows. I look over my shoulder and see a beet-red woman sitting absolutely shellshocked as an entire brass section comes whooshing out for an encore, each one louder than the last. The worst part for her was probably the fact that I laugh when I get surprised (I wasn’t laughing at her, it’s just an instinct), and then I had to excuse myself because I couldn’t stop laughing. Because, you know, I’m a girls’ girl.

Another time in college, back when I was still housekeeping, I was cleaning an executive suite in a new hotel with the girl who was training me. These suites in particular go far back enough that if you’re standing in front of the bathroom, you can’t see the bedroom door, which we keep open with our carts. It’s worth noting that she and one of the maintenance men had a little thing going on, and it was pretty common for him to come by and tease her. While we were chatting, a guest stopped by to ask for towels, then followed that up with, “Working hard or hardly working?” Understandably, their voice sounded dead-on like the aforementioned maintenance man’s. Not so understandably to the guest, my trainer shouted back, “Shut up, dickhead!”

We didn’t hear anything back, so when we got up to look, we saw this probably 18 year-old-kid sullenly walking off. She was able to find him and apologize to him, but I think she genuinely felt pretty bad about it. Being a housekeeper, I was high as fuck, so I thought it was pretty funny. I guess this all goes to show that laughing at people after they do something embarrassing doesn’t make them feel better. Who knew.

Just to be clear, this thread isn’t about cringe. Mall cosplayers and diaperfurs have no primary embarrassment to begin with—that’s what the rest of the farms is for. I just think it would be nice to have a little place to remind ourselves that we’re all human, that we don’t have to let our masks suffocate us. And that if you think no one else remembers your embarrassing moments…yes, they do.
 
I think this counts, back in college years I was part of a review panel to judge and push forward potential candidates as a sort of peer review system for grant submissions. Candidates had to supply their paperwork and research along with performing a PowerPoint presentation on why they deserved such funds along with how and what change they can enact on the world if given the opportunity.

All good and dandy, boring but helped fluff the resume.

One day we had 4 presentations lined up, 2 of the 4 going by without issue. We call in the third person who was this awkward guy who was clearly on some spectrum but his presentation had potential. Can still remember what it was about, theoretical applications for "Smart Tree's" Essentially thought up a scheme where forests could have false tree's that would be rigged up with sensors to log animal life and give rangers a method to detect forest fires, log animal population densities, and offer possibly lost and stranded hikers a method to contact emergency services if needed.

All well and good no issues there with the proposed theory/paperwork aspect. The fuck up that probably haunts this guy came around when he had to do the presentation with his PowerPoint. Was told to pull it up for us on the projector and instead of doing what most did which was bring it in on a flashdrive, he decided it was best to put it on his google drive and log in remotely before putting the PowerPoint up...

The same google drive he stored all his fucking porn. For what was about 30 seconds there were dozens of video screencaps of women's blown out assholes projected onto a movie theater sized wall for all to see which included the review panel, my superiors who were essentially reviewing us during reviews, and the previous applicants. He managed to find the powerpoint and stumbled through it all admirably considering how fucking awkward everything was but we chose others that season regardless. Don't know what he did after that but I remember not seeing or hearing of his whereabouts a couple months after so I think he received what credits he could before transferring or dropping out completely. I'm still baffled as to what he thought was going to happen but my personal theory is he might of assumed he would be logging in while the projector was off, or that the vid's wouldn't have preview captures of what the contents were. Either way it was that kind of awkward that makes you have to look away because it was so overwhelmingly a "Living nightmare" moment that you generally hear about but never experience in person.

Long story short: Don't put your fucking porn on google drive, and if you do don't ever assume you could use that google drive for anything public or else you'll have about 20 or so people see what you jerk off to and make the room beyond fucking awkward, Thanks!
 
I was walking through a nicer part of Los Angeles, and I saw the tail end of a first date. The guy was dropping off the girl and my man went for just a hug. The girl wriggled away and said, "Thanks." and walked towards her apartment. I'm not sure why she was so turned off by him. The guy didn't seem creepy or weird. Seeing the whole thing go down almost ruined by my day. It was so sad and awkward. I might have been the only witness, but I still feel embarrassed for that man.
 
I went to college with a guy who was incapable of telling anecdotes, and one time he told us that he proposed to his girlfriend by cooking her a chicken curry and putting the ring inside it. I was mortified because it was so obvious he was trying to do the cliche thing of the ring inside the champagne glass but which is kind of sweet but all I could think of was this poor woman shattering her teeth on the chunk of gold she didn't know was inside her dinner.
This one is technically third-hand embarrassment and will probably not make sense to Americans but here goes...a friend of mine years ago made a Twitter post about how he just saw a guy propose to his girlfriend outside Optical Express and she said no and ran away. His coworker, seizing the moment, replied 'should have gone to Specsavers'.
Last one: long time ago I was at a house party with my friend and we were standing outside smoking when a couple who had already left came back saying they'd missed their train. The girl was walking funny so my friend said 'did you break your leg on the way back?' and she explained that no, she limps because she has a gimp leg from a birth defect. It was pretty worth it to see the color drain from his face, but I felt a bit put out having to profusely apologise on his behalf.
 
Anus Lemonade dijo:
I was walking through a nicer part of Los Angeles, and I saw the tail end of a first date. The guy was dropping off the girl and my man went for just a hug. The girl wriggled away and said, "Thanks." and walked towards her apartment. I'm not sure why she was so turned off by him. The guy didn't seem creepy or weird. Seeing the whole thing go down almost ruined by my day. It was so sad and awkward. I might have been the only witness, but I still feel embarrassed for that man.
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I experienced this firsthand, except that genders were reversed and it wasn't a date, I got many great hugs from that guy before.
Later I learned his gf left him for some other guy days before. Of course he did not tell - when I asked him why he looks somewhat dead inside, he said ''Nothing''.

And that's one of the reasons thinking about hugs leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

Sorry, I don't even have a tax, overthinking my own embarassments makes me forget the cringey moments of other people entirely. Maybe will think of some later.
 
We were walking towards some uni lecture hall/labaratory type thing, single file because the corridor only allowed one, at max two people to walk side by side. Suddenly the column stopped and I looked over to see what caused the stop. Some kinda spergy autistic asian dude I knew since high school stopped the column of like 30 people so he could bend over and tie his shoes... The way he bent over was odd too. Like his legs were perfectly straight and his back was damn near parallel to them. More weird than embaressing tbh
 
When I was like 11 I was walking down the street listening to a bootleg cassette on my bootleg walkman. It was a Saturday morning, and the street was basically deserted, so I was miming the lyrics without a care in the world. As I walked past a hair salon, the "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII CRYYYYYYYYYYYY" part of Chop Suey! came on, and my retard self made an angry screaming face without realizing that the hair salon was open, and had several customers inside, so I had 5+ adult women sitting in those wack hairstyling chairs, along with two members of the staff, staring at me with bewilderment through the salon's display window. I almost spontaneously combusted right there and then and skedaddled.
I avoided that side of the street for several years until the hair salon moved.
 
A few years ago I had an office job and a woman sitting next to me was having difficulties with the sound coming from her laptop. Everything looked like it was playing fine, but no audio was coming out as she tried to play songs on Spotify. While doing this, she maxed out the volume on both Windows and the Spotify player. At the same time, I hear this weird low rumbling in a conference room next to us but don't pay much attention to it. She keeps trying to troubleshoot this, until someone from the conference room throws open the door and I hear "Shake That" by Eminem blasting from inside, loud enough that I could hear it clean through my own ear buds. The person shouts at the top of their lungs "Whoever is playing Eminem, you are connected to the projector in the conference room!".

The woman had a meeting in there a few days ago and connected to the Bluetooth projector, which was connected to the speakers in the room. When they turned on the projector, it automatically connected back to her laptop. Apparently, not only could they not disconnect it, but they couldn't even turn it down since the volume controls were defaulted to her.

The meeting was with several C-Level employees and they were getting ready to bring in a new client.

I have never actually seen a person go white before, but she went as white as printer paper. She didn't even close Spotify, she just held down the power button on her laptop until it was smothered.
 
I once saw a drunk guy go to Macdonalds and order a burger with no buns because his girlfriend put him on a no carb diet. He just ate the sloppy bunless burger while crying and saying "I'm so fucking hungry". Shit was weird. It was full on sobbing with snot running down his face in the middle of a Macdonalds.
 
In high school at the yearly talent show a dude air-guitared (well he used a broom so broom-guitared?) an entire song. I don't handle secondhand embarrassment well, so watching 4 minutes of pure, concentrated cringe was literal torture.
 
Small one, but once at a Renn Fair I saw a group of furries walking around. Depressingly, furries have become common at Renn Fairs, but in my many years of going I have never seen them be an issue. Funny thing is, they weren't the actual problem.

While they were walking around, this guy dressed as a viking started shouting at them. Not shouting insults, just this gutteral yell like he was about to fight them. He was part of a group of guys dressed like vikings, but he was the only one even acknowledging the furries. The furries start walking away, but the viking follows them and keeps darting back and forth behind them.

It took me a couple minutes to figure out what was going on, but I overheard him talking to a friend and said he was "going hunting". This sperg was covered in fake pelts, and I guess he wanted to stay in character, so he was treating them like actual wolves to add to his pelt collection.

He did this across the fair for at least an hour and I honestly felt bad for the furries through the whole thing. They would be in a store looking at something, then sperg viking would shout so loudly into these small shops that your ears would be ringing. Eventually I noticed that his other viking friends drifted away and he was just this lone loser harassing a group of furries.

You have to be an impressive level of sperg make me side with furries, and the worst part was he didn't even seem embarrassed.
 
I have a good one.
Some years ago, I was waiting at a bus stop, when a lady came out of one of the houses from across the street. It was a middle-aged woman, and since it was summer, she was wearing a dress. I remember she was taking out the trash, nothing strange there.
And then, I swear this happened in a matter of seconds. The lady was like facing me when a sudden gust of wind appeared and lifted her dress.
And guess what? She had no underwear. She immediately pulled down her dress and looked around to check nobody saw her.
I turned my head and acted like I was doing something else to make the situation less awkward.
 
Character from a movie dijo:
I have a good one.
Some years ago, I was waiting at a bus stop, when a lady came out of one of the houses from across the street. It was a middle-aged woman, and since it was summer, she was wearing a dress. I remember she was taking out the trash, nothing strange there.
And then, I swear this happened in a matter of seconds. The lady was like facing me when a sudden gust of wind appeared and lifted her dress.
And guess what? She had no underwear. She immediately pulled down her dress and looked around to check nobody saw her.
I turned my head and acted like I was doing something else to make the situation less awkward.
Presiona para expandir...
I remember something like this happening in my old neighborhood. Most of the people in my complex were living by themselves or with few people so while a friend and I were waiting outside my door for someone else, the person in the unit across from us walked by their window buck-ass naked. I’m pretty sure they forgot they left their blinds open because as soon as my pal started laughing, she freaked out and ran back out of sight.

edit: typed butt-ass instead of buck-ass whoops
 
This happened when I worked at a bar.

I was in the good room doing fuck all, but it had to be manned, everyone else was on the function room doing actual bar work.
All of a sudden all the other staff just walked into my bit.
It was the funeral for some solicitor, and so, there were lots of snotty, small town solicitors there.

An old geezer was up at the bar, and a female college came up.
The old guy says "expanding, are we :)?"
She was like '?'
So he repeats it. 'Expanding, are we? Your belly. The baby!'

Needless to say thread, she was not pregnant, and sourly stated as such.

I have no idea what happened next because all the bar staff evacuated the bar out of sheer embarrassment and didn't go back for a good 5 minutes.
They came back through a short while later to tell me mod people had left and the lawyers were now holding a business meeting.
On the plus side, the Not Pregnant woman was previously incredibly rude to them just before the incident, so they didn't have any true pity for a fat-ish woman mixed up in the sympathetic awkwardness for the old boy.

Realised now trying to bring more memories up, I have gotten good at stamping them out. Like my brain has gotten really good at repessing things in the last few years. This is not really a positive thing tbh.

I've got a horrendous one which is third hand - at university a friend rushed up to me looking genuinely shell shocked, to tell me about the lecture she just sat through where the lecturers skirt was tucked up into her arse and she had like greeny yellow shit skids.

This was in a huge lecture hall for the entire 2 hour lecture about fucking beowulf or old English or something.
No one could say anything because it was already from the off, too far gone.
And the professor woman was horrible too. That somehow made it worse, apparently.

I text her about this recently because even though I didn't see it, it haunts me. She was delighted because apparently no one remembers it and she was concerned it was actually a nightmare and never happened.
 
In high school we had two gym teachers that were married to each other and were both good looking by conventional standards. On the window of the gym teachers office they had headshots of all the gym teachers. One morning everyone was waiting in the hallway outside the gym/gym office for class to start, chatting amongst themselves. Looking at the headshots of the gym teachers this fatass kid points out how hot the female teacher is and states how desperately he wants to fuck her. Immediately the staff door flings open and her husband comes out absolutely pissed saying he heard everything. The icing on the cake was that he blamed the wrong student for what was said and refused to hear him out when he was (justifiably) trying to explain that it was someone else who said it. :story:

I did feel second hand embarrassment but I can’t say I feel too bad for them. Both the guy who said it and the one who was wrongfully accused were both assholes and lolcows.
 
seri0us dijo:
Do tell
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The one who made the comment was a fat, fruity but closeted gay jackass that dressed like CWC. Wanna be cool kid that tried too hard, always bragged about everything but was relentlessly mocked and milked for lols by quite at least 10 other students. One time this girl sold him a bag of oregano and he legitimately thought it was marijuana and that is just the tip of the iceberg for him being a dumbass. As of the current day he is an anorexic faggot on grinder who takes drugs like poppers and coke while having gay sex with older men.

The one who was blamed for the comment was also a try hard at being popular as well as a weird looking asshole. He was similarly mocked and milked for lols and had a feud with the fat lolcow so it was always entertaining seeing them interact. Much crying and feminine play fighting was had. This guy was also a pathological liar and to keep this post somewhat relevant to the thread the cringiest thing he ever told me was that he was a descendant of both Adolf Hitler and the Queen of England, “Yeah, they call us the bastards of the royal family.” I cringed for a second but couldn’t contain my laughter when I told him he was full of shit.
 
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