Why mountain dew is the greatest soft drink ever made

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Okay here's the deal. You're on this sub forum because you hate yourself. You hate your life. You hate your friends. You hate your family. But most of all you hate the fact that nobody wants to fuck you. Don't worry. I can help you. You just need to adhere to the following 12-step program:

1. Admit that you are powerless to become anything but unfuckable on your own

2. Submit to a higher power that you are a piece of shit, and that you will always be a piece of shit, but you are going to learn to mask all of those feelings with worthlessness long enough to go out and get somebody to agree to fuck you.

3. This isn't working for you anyway

4. Save up $20 and buy a cheap hooker instead

You're welcome

 

[Ibanez RG 350EX]

I feel cheated.

 

[We Are The Witches]

I prefer natural orange juice.

 

[Schwarzwald]

I came here to talk about my favorite Mountain Dew variant, Hitler Did Nothing Wrong, and instead I get whatever the hell this is?

Go fuck yourself.

 

[CowPox]

We need more threads like this and more posters like op. Have a bump.

 

[TenMilesWide]

I was going to argue that Dr. Pepper is the superior beverage chosen by God, but $20 for a hooker? Bargain. I'll tell your mother who sent me.

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

all male prostitutes are gay tho

 

[KittyGremlin]

I never actually tried it

 

[Rimanah]

Sir what does this have to do with Baja blast?

 

[Dr. Eldon Tyrell]

all male prostitutes are gay tho

but are they faggots, too?

 

[urr13 account]

I'm not a big soda guy, but occasionally I do indulge and when I do it's

 

[Chao Garden]

clickbait thread

 

[Squishie PP]

Fuck off nigger, I'm drinking a tall glass of Hitler Did Nothing Wrong tonight

 

[Devout Muslim]

full cream milk (>4% fat minimum) is the best soft drink

 

[Wild at Heart]

I crave a Voltage more than I crave a cig right now.

 

[Happy Fish]

Surge cola blocks your path.

 

[Feral Postie]

Save up $20 and buy a cheap hooker instead

Alternative thread title: "How to have your dick rot off 101"

 

[Napoleon Bonerfart]

Alternative thread title: "How to have your dick rot off 101"

The one that rotted off at least touched a pussy before its owner died.

 

[Unarmed Gunman]

All bullshit aside, the only way to drink it is with the carbonation cranked up to 11 at Taco Bell. Especially on a road trip, you need that Fountain Dew to keep your eyes peeled.

 

[One Winged Pear Farmer]

All bullshit aside, the only way to drink it is with the carbonation cranked up to 11 at Taco Bell. Especially on a road trip, you need that Fountain Dew to keep your eyes peeled.

Taco Bell is the shittiest place to get Mountain Dew. It never tastes right and their plastic cups are dog shit