Science Why men over 50 keep getting things stuck up their bottoms

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Why men over 50 keep getting things stuck up their bottoms​

When a gentleman in his fifties, Robert*, shuffled into Dr Lawrence Cunningham’s GP surgery, he initially complained of tummy pain.

‘It took nearly an hour of gentle questioning before he admitted the truth,’ Dr Lawrence tells Metro.

‘He had a glass jar stuck up his bottom that he couldn’t get out himself.’

This isn’t an isolated incident, with the NHS forking out roughly £3,172,200 in the past five years to remove foreign objects from people’s rectums.

In 2025 alone, 505 people were admitted to hospital for this reason, 25% of whom were men just like Robert, aged 51 or older.

Even just last year, our health service spent an estimated £429,250 extracting various household items from British bottoms, at £850 a pop, according to the FOI by Erobella.

‘Honestly, as a GP, I’ve had this come up more times than you’d think,’ Dr Lawrence explains. ‘For Robert, at that point, it was straight to A&E.’

Objects get stuck in the bottom because of your internal anal sphincter muscle, which you can’t control. It contracts because it’s job is to hold in your bowel contents. Therefore if you don’t insert something with a flared base, and you push it too far in, your sphincter can contract and pull it inside your rectum.

The GP adds he’s seen or heard of pretty much everything being discovered up someone’s behind. ‘In nearly 40 years of practice, there’s been household items through to purpose-made adult toys,’ he recalls.

‘The ones that come up most seem to be bottles, light bulbs, and various bits from the kitchen drawer. Colleagues in A&E have told me about mobile phones, remote controls, even small tools. The range is quite something.’

In France, there was even a man who turned up at hospital with a World War One bomb in his bottom.

Of course, women encounter this mishap too, with 111 of them attending hospital last year, but the problem disproportionately affects men.
There were 393 guys who got something stuck up their bottom in 2025, and a third of them were over 50, while 26% were aged 31 to 50.

‘The idea of what sex should look like becomes less rigid’​

Why are older men the primary culprits, you ask? Sex educator April Maria tells Metro there’s one simple reason: maturing sexually.

‘It’s not about these men being adventurous, but more about them becoming more comfortable with themselves and their bodies over time,’ she explains.

‘As people get older, there’s less pressure to perform or fit into a rigid idea of what sex “should” look like, and more openness to exploring what actually feels good.’

April adds men also give themselves more permission to explore at this age if they’re struggling with erectile dysfunction, which impacts more than a third in their fifties and nearly half of men in their sixties, according to Bupa.

‘They start exploring parts of their body that might bring them more pleasure if they are struggling to get it from their penis,’ April adds.

‘They’re more aware time isn’t endless’​

Sex worker and dominatrix, Melissa Todd, agrees, telling Metro she has multiple men in their fifties and beyond asking her for anal play each month.

‘They usually want fingers or strap-ons up there, rather than anything too rogue, but it’s definitely not rare,’ she explains. ‘A lot of these men are very “ordinary” on paper — married,
professional, fairly traditional — but turn up after thinking about it for years.

‘They’re curious. Some have heard about prostate stimulation and want to see what the fuss is about, others just say it’s something they’ve always wondered about but never had the chance — or the confidence — to try.’

As for why their fifties seem to be the watershed moment for this anal play, Melissa adds: ‘There’s a sense of “why not now?” – whether that’s because relationships have changed, life’s settled down, or they’re just more aware that time isn’t endless.

‘They’ve experienced big life changes, bereavements or redundancies. It feels less like a sudden new interest and more like something that’s been quietly on their mind for years, finally getting its moment.’

Where is it going wrong?​

It’s all well and good sexually experimenting, but getting something wedged permanently up your bottom isn’t part of the plan.

April, for Hot Octopuss, explains part of the reason men have so many mishaps is due to a ‘lack of proper education around anal sex’.

‘It’s either completely skipped over or reduced to stereotypes, and it’s often labelled as something that sits within the “gay sex” category, when in reality, people of all sexualities explore anal play,’ she says.

‘Because of that, most people are left to learn through porn or trial and error, which isn’t safe when anal sex has some strong do’s and don’ts.

‘There’s little understanding of anatomy, preparation, or the right toys to use, which increases the likelihood of negative experiences or mishaps.’

But Dr Cunningham adds that, in his experience, the over-fifties often don’t do their homework before experimenting.

‘There’s a real reluctance to go out and buy proper equipment that’s actually designed for this, so they end up improvising with stuff that’s completely unsuitable,’ he explains.

‘Older men are much less likely to talk openly about sexual health or get advice first. That generation didn’t grow up with easy access to this kind of information the way younger people do now.’
 
reminds me of the time some 60+ year old couple hired a tranny hooker for the husband birthday. husband died of a heart attack with the tranny's dick up his ass. the convulsions from heart attack was so strong it broke the tranny's dick.
 
Bill them for wasted NHS time. Fs my other half was told it would be an 8 week wait for a colonoscopy when we thought he had bowel cancer (he went private, and it wasn't,thank fuck) but a GP wasting a hour on some stupid degenerate old bastard is pathetic. Should have let him die.
 
As for why their fifties seem to be the watershed moment for this anal play, Melissa adds: ‘There’s a sense of “why not now?” – whether that’s because relationships have changed, life’s settled down, or they’re just more aware that time isn’t endless.

50 is also the age when testosterone levels tank and men start either trooning out or trying "gay stuff." If you're a man and thinking of putting stuff up your ass, take some T shots or pills first. Don't start just sticking things up your cornhole.
 
Can anyone here honestly say they haven't slipped and fallen right on a Bad Dragon Double-Dog XXL Colon Destroyer in Tye-Dyed Mint Green and Neon Pink before? Let he who is without butt sin cast the first stone.
 
History lesson time.
1781070875770.png
 
I'm so fucking tired of this shit, and there's another article around here about celebrating Sex Worker Day. No. Go to hell homewreckers. And men, if you want something shoved up your ass but you're too embarrassed to ask your wife, or you did and she said no, maybe consider not being a huge faggot.
 
Simple answer: Old boomers burned out on regular pleasure from sex so start trying to push new boundaries for figuratively and literally (their assholes).

Also obligatory:
 
Age range cited in the article is 30-50. I suspect this is a bogus attempt to frame such faggot behaviour as 'experimental heterosexuals', when the truth is that's it's mostly gaped faggots aging out. Now that they are no longer twink power bottoms, their fellow fags, who universally prefer young boys, won't fuck them anymore and they have to resort to shoving things up their own ass.
 
One time I had a theory that it's because of prostate enlargment/irritation triggering an urge to help expel the gland, but a not insignificant number of deviants unsatisfied with only a flared base, reasonably sized plug or dildo counters that idea.
 
I'd guess that younger men are more willing to have actual sex toys delivered in discrete packaging, but the oldfags still have the stigma about ordering purpose-built ass toys so they tend to use things that get stuck.
 
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