Why even be Christian when there are better options?

[SandyCat]

God sent his son to earth only to get nailed to a stake by a bunch of retarded ancient humans, all for what? Just so they can demand people worship them or else they'll burn for all eternity? What kind of asshole god does that?

Now check out this absolute sigma chad:


- Guided humanity into a golden age of technology all while doing it in secret because he's not attention hungry like Jesus
- A man of science and logic instead of blind faith and superstition
- Actually takes a hands on approach in making the galaxy less shitty
- Based and anti-xenos pilled
- Does not require you die to experience his heaven: the Imperium of Man is his gift of salvation
- Has 20 perfect genetically engineered sons all with their own armies of super human soldiers
- Can't turn water into wine but can invent technology that could do it better than Jesus ever could
- Cool sword engulfed in psychic flames
- Master crafted artificer power armor
- Doesn't bitch out and leave earth once he's mortally wounded
- Can pull off having long hair while still being 100% not gay

Stop being a pansy and worship the Emperor of Man instead of that dollar store wannabe

 

[Skitarii]

Emps is fat, stinky, doesn't pay child support, and I would not have sex with him

Also your ancestors are frowning at you, OP

 

[SandyCat]

Emps is fat, stinky, doesn't pay child support, and I would not have sex with him

Absolute heresy

Also your ancestors are frowning at you, OP

It's okay my family is disappointed in me too

 

[King Fructose]

Jesus is going to come back here and kick your freakin ass. Amen.

 

[KittyGremlin]

Absolute heresy

It's okay my family is disappointed in me too

You know, at that point nobody would bother calling it out as heresy, he would have a bolter round shoved in his ass in 0.000001 seconds after a Grey Knight vaguely heard him fifty parsecs away.

 

[Queen Elizabeth II]

Jesus is going to come back here and kick your freakin ass. Amen.

Apparently Daddy Emps WAS Jesus. Before the universe went to shit he reguarly used to pop in and out of world history to advise, subdue and otherwise nudge humanity in the direction he wanted to see it go.

I mean look at that hair. How could he not be divine?

 

[Ultrapenguin]

I'll at least bet people would be more interested in reading the bible and going to church if Jesus would take a lesson and spice things up a little bit.

The Emperor fought alien species and the demonic forces of chaos using flaming swords and laser cannons and bolt guns and shit, and what did Jesus do? Build wood furniture and beat up some money lenders that one time? Get outta here with that garbage.

 

[JethroTullamore]

Please go back to laying a smack-down on that Neko-rights fella.

This isn’t a good look for you.

 

[SandyCat]

Please go back to laying a smack-down on that Neko-rights fella.

This isn’t a good look for you.

But I don't know how to fight

 

[Fascist Frederick]

But I don't know how to fight

You may have suppressed it, but fighting is in your genes because @SandyCat you are a nigger. Revert to your natural state.

 

[Makov Pitt]

The options in question:

 

[Poppavalyim Andropoff]

Chocolate eggs that’s why

 

[Day Drinking]

Always follow poppa.

 

[Hepativore]

Most people are of a particular religion because that is what their parents and relatives were. Very few people who are Christians, Muslims, or Jews etc. actually sit down and examine the things that their belief system promotes and discourages or whether or not they themselves personally agree.

Most people are the religion they are because that is what they were raised with and people tend to take the path of least resistance.

 

[Moths]

Doesn't bitch out and leave earth once he's mortally wounded

Dont forget
Even approaching death sat on the golden throne and endures eternal agony using his psyche to stop incursions from daemons into the golden palace whilst also being a beacon to make travel possible with a range of most of the known fucking galaxy

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

I have several different mutually contradictory ideas for religions but I can't get off to it without social sanction.