why are you still single - and general discussion of the dating game

[YHWH's Strongest Soldier]

But, relationship is also about duty. Caress and intimacy should be the natural consequence, not the goal. I assume that's why people nowadays burnout from relationships so early and divorce taxes skyrocket: it's all about "me, myself and I" and no clear objective. Apparently, people want their partner to be their psychologist, accountant, personal advisor and, in some cases, a father/mother figure on top of being a partner.

I'd rather die alone than be someone else's emotional tampon or personal shrink.

I don't think that you know what you want. "Owning a business" is about me, myself, and I. When you "own a business", you want for your partner to act as an advisor, accountant, and psychologist because you want to maximize their utility whilst minimizing your own costs. What you're describing is having someone else be your emotional tampon that is independently competent and doesn't require any maintenance themselves, which is effectively an ideal manager.

If you set standards like that for your romantic partners, you'll either end up alone or in an arranged marriage. It's just highly unlikely that a person like you will meet the selection criteria of someone interested in such an arrangement. By targeting utility instead of a natural romantic connection, you immediately put yourself in a losing position because very few people can cut it. If you still want a relationship like that, expect non-negotiable requirements regarding your income, social status, and appearance.

wife/husband as a service

Autism.

 

[Celestial Peace]

"Owning a business" is about me, myself, and I. When you "own a business", you want for your partner to act as an advisor, accountant, and psychologist because you want to maximize their utility whilst minimizing your own costs. What you're describing is having someone else be your emotional tampon that is independently competent and doesn't require any maintenance themselves, which is effectively an ideal manager.

That's one huge pile of bullshit you just wrote. Talk about missing the point entirely.
I'm talking about duty, I ain't talking about profit FFS. I made myself clear enough, but, for some reason, you keep strawmanning.

By targeting utility instead of a natural romantic connection, you immediately put yourself in a losing position because very few people can cut it.

The irony of talking about "utility" when the whole "romance" shtick ain't nothing but an utility thing as well because it serves your egoistic demands of not wanting to feel alone.

Say your partner dosen't make you feel that rush of feeling sought after. Then, what? You ditch him? Is that what relationships are for? Use people like they're Kleenex? Because I seek a "partner" not only for sex and emotional needs, which is what you likely only care about, but to have someone to help me and someone I can help as well. You know, what a "partner" is literally supposed to be?

If you still want a relationship like that, expect non-negotiable requirements regarding your income, social status, and appearance.

I mean, would you date a broke-ass loser, who's a degenerate and dresses like a fucking slob?

If you're that caring and giving there's a lot incels looking for someone as selfless as you make yourself to be. Be my guest.

 

[YHWH's Strongest Soldier]

That's one huge pile of bullshit you just wrote. Talk about missing the point entirely.
I'm talking about duty, I ain't talking about profit FFS. I made myself clear enough, but, for some reason, you keep strawmanning.

Given your reaction and the fact that you came back to rewrite your original (concise) post just calling me autistic, I think that I'm mostly correct.

Say your partner dosen't make you feel that rush of feeling sought after. Then, what? You ditch him?

You try to repair the relationship and fall in love again. If you can't and there's no kids binding you together, then maybe you should just break it off.

I mean, would you date a broke-ass loser, who's a degenerate and dresses like a fucking slob?

Degen and slob? No, you can't love someone that doesn't love herself. Broke-ass loser? Yes, because I don't view dating and marriage as purely utilitarian. You wouldn't because you want an employee while likely failing to meet any standards yourself. It's perfectly fine to view relationships purely through the lens of utility, but you cannot then complain about unreasonable standards or feeling like a failure. You put yourself in that competition and either make the cut or don't.

 

[Lei Wulong's Left Leg]

I was thinking on this some more and it made me wonder, why has no one made a "wife/husband as a service" kind of business? So imagine something like what Uber is for transport, for wives/husbands.

The term you are looking for is "girlfriend experience" and it is a term prostitutes use for extended contracts in more social settings that don't necessarily involve sex.

 

[Celestial Peace]

You wouldn't because you want an employee while likely failing to meet any standards yourself.

I think "autistic" was the wrong word to call you. Perhaps, "immature" would be correct.

I mean, you're still taking the "business" part literally, even though I made it clear more than once that this was just an analogy. You know, figurative speech.

But this could be either neurodivergence or just staying too much time online.

Anyway, you still can't grasp the idea that relationships can't be supported ONLY with romance because it eventually fades away and that is normal and every long lasting relationship is bound to have that.

When romance dies there's only coexistence left. If you didn't manage to create a positive coexistence together then your relationship will burn out.

If you only care about romance then your relationship isn't going to last long or, if they do, it will be a miserable one because you didn't see your partner past the "emotional support" part.

And romance is kept using the same superficial metrics you accused me of: social status, appearance and, if you're a gold digger, money.

Sometimes, unrealistic expectations do the trick, but that has psychological consequences down the road.

Broke-ass loser? Yes

Have fun making that person your fiancée and the father of your children.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Say your partner dosen't make you feel that rush of feeling sought after. Then, what? You ditch him?

Clearly. That's what women do the second they put in no work and don't feel the rush of being chased. At this point I'm interested in a relationship simply to see how it goes. All these feelings I see people write about, stating the most black-and-white situations any mature person should be able to act properly in. "My boyfriend berates me-", "my girlfriend doesn't even engage in conversations-", "I wanna look in his phone/she won't let me look in her phone". It feels like some kind of bizarro world only justified if truly hormones make people act so wack.

When romance dies there's only coexistence left. If you didn't manage to create a positive coexistence together then your relationship will burn out.

Hence the whole 'best friends' part. The few times I've spoken with women I had genuine interest in and asked about all their hobbies, work and what not, the romantic angle just wasn't there, somehow. It got /too/ friendly. Like how in The Sims there's a friendship bar and a romance bar, and you can be at 90% romance with 20% friendship; it's how people become FWB I guess. Likewise you can max friendship and not have an inkling of a spark, thus never proceeding to romance.

Then sometimes you find someone who throws in a flirty comment with every genuine sentence, and you're like "shit do I reply to the great conversation we're having or hit back hoping it gets flirty?". Recently I've been thinking of the two really strong and equal matches I've had on dating apps throughout my life; one clearly only wanted me to pay half of her rent, but the other literally moved 30 meters away from me but I was too wrapped up in shit (being a pussy) to just go knock on her door, practically being invited to do so.

Now, years later, she's still single, clearly, and only gotten hotter and slimmer since then. I sent an 'ironic' message on Facebook and am clearly affected by her not replying. Yet, I know that if she did reply, the interest would fade immediately because that's how it goes with modern dating. Hell, I listened to an episode with Theo Von and they got to talking about dating apps, and he said something along the lines of "My friend is on them constantly, but no matter if they got a good conversation going or inch towards a date, the interest just stops". I'm genuinely curious why that is. It really can't just be the chase itself that is appealing and anything after that is boring.

I was thinking on this some more and it made me wonder, why has no one made a "wife/husband as a service" kind of business? So imagine something like what Uber is for transport, for wives/husbands.

"What the fuck kind of loser would have to pay for a girlfriend experience?", yet the woman would be told "yasss get that bag". It's how we are with onlyfans right now. A woman can sell her bottled bathwater and instead of women asking "uh, why? Are you fucking stupid?", they go "lmaooo fuck men who pay for that bag!!!!!". Nobody wants equality, especially in dating, least of all women.

 

[long waters]

"What the fuck kind of loser would have to pay for a girlfriend experience?", yet the woman would be told "yasss get that bag". It's how we are with onlyfans right now. A woman can sell her bottled bathwater and instead of women asking "uh, why? Are you fucking stupid?", they go "lmaooo fuck men who pay for that bag!!!!!". Nobody wants equality, especially in dating, least of all women.

I don't know what kind of weird schizo mood I was in when I made that post and I don't care to follow up on it in any way. Sometimes I Just say utterly dumb retarded shit just to vent, but don't particularly care about it later.

 

[ChaosReignsOnSomeSaturday]

I've had little opportunity to meet women, and now at my age I have almost no opportunity to even know where to meet them. I also will not lie, I have low self-esteem issues so I think of a relationship being transactional with no clue how I'm supposed to sell myself as a good life partner choice.

I've not had much experience being in a relationship so I don't even really know what to do if I got into one.

I'd like to meet someone and genuinely make a connection, but I'm worried I'm going to fuck it up so tremendously it'll make me want to an-hero myself. Cause in my mind being in a relationship for the long haul means being open and honest about even the bad aspects of yourself, but that's a surefire way to give someone the ick.

Idk my buddies are getting married and I'm just sitting here wondering how I fucked up my chances this bad.

 

[Waffle Iron]

I don't know what kind of weird schizo mood I was in when I made that post and I don't care to follow up on it in any way. Sometimes I Just say utterly dumb retarded shit just to vent, but don't particularly care about it later.

I thought you meant more as a "person hangs out with you" kind of deal. Which already exists as hostesses at a hostess bar. IIRC there was also an article in A&H where older ladies would hire a rent-a-husband. But he would mostly be around to fix up the house and do husband things, not be a romantic dildo.

Idk my buddies are getting married and I'm just sitting here wondering how I fucked up my chances this bad.

You have to wonder about that? I know perfectly well where I fucked up.

 

[Gandhi's Left Hook]

The term you are looking for is "girlfriend experience" and it is a term prostitutes use for extended contracts in more social settings that don't necessarily involve sex.

I thought that was when they looked you in the eyes while giving you blowjob.

 

[Scream Aim Fire]

Me, personally, I'm just not interested in getting myself a partner; nothing to it, I just... don't want one.

 

[Celestial Peace]

That's what women do the second they put in no work and don't feel the rush of being chased.

Well, these women often forget something called "age". They won't be young and pretty forever (which is often euphemized as "personality"), which is something they often rely on heavily.

The few times I've spoken with women I had genuine interest in and asked about all their hobbies, work and what not, the romantic angle just wasn't there, somehow. It got /too/ friendly.

You reminded me when people often tell others to get a hobby or meet new people through jobs and such. What they often don't tell is that these are a perfect place to make friends and not find a potential partner.

It's funny because if you talk to Boomers and Gen X folks you'll hardly hear this "you need to become friends first" trend. They wasted no time in securing a partner, which they'd often meet through acquaintances they had in common.

 

[The Last Stand]

Throw that into Google Scholar, fall down a rabbit hole, then write a paper on that.

If you're single, I can see why. if not, God bless your partner.

To answer the thread's question, I'd say it's a matter of choice and circumstance. I'm not good at maintaining relationships. I currently do not have enough for myself to sustain a girlfriend. I cannot take rejection well.

 

[long waters]

IIRC there was also an article in A&H where older ladies would hire a rent-a-husband. But he would mostly be around to fix up the house and do husband things, not be a romantic dildo.

I would unironically consider doing that as a job. That's basically one of my hobbies, fixing stuff around the house - assembling/moving furniture, fixing/cleaning the plumbing (not in an euphemism kind of way), electrical stuff, etc, whatever.
On second thought, I'd probably hate it as a job, I'd have to factor in budgeting for materials and other things like that and it would make it annoying as hell.

 

[Waffle Iron]

, I'd have to factor in budgeting for materials and other things like that and it would make it annoying as hell.

Youre being rented by a rich lady that wants to see you get all hot and sweaty doing work for her, I think she'll loosen the pursestrings to let you use the premium stuff if you wear a tight stretchy shirt. (also link)

 

[long waters]

Youre being rented by a rich lady that wants to see you get all hot and sweaty doing work for her, I think she'll loosen the pursestrings to let you use the premium stuff if you wear a tight stretchy shirt. (also link)

Shiet, as long as the 65 yo hags don't try anything funny and let me buy premium sockets and fuses, I'd play electrician and such.
Not sure about painting. That's annoying as hell. It's not the painting but all the masking you have to do if you're painting a room with furniture and stuff in it.

 

[Waffle Iron]

It's not the painting but all the masking you have to do if you're painting a room with furniture and stuff in it.

I'm sure she doesn't mind seeing you get all sweaty moving the furniture out of the room
Now stop coming up with excuses and become a rent-boy husband for elderly estonian ladies.

 

[2 Faces 2 Colours]

Bruh like deadass I got like- no rizz bruh like no cap I got no game for real I'm cooked!