Who's the worst poet?

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I just found Julia A Moore. She likes to rhyme words with themselves.

I like rhyming words with themselves, if not done to excess.

Emily Dickinson famously did it in "Because I Could Not Stop for Death."

We paused before a house that seemed
A Swelling of the Ground--
The Roof was scarcely visible--
The Cornice--in the Ground.

Another similar trick is rime riche, which is rhyming a word with its homonym.

Yet another trick I like, but I don't know if there's a name for it, is rhyming a Janus word (a word that means two opposite things like "cleave") with itself.
 
My understanding is William McGonagall worst poet in English language.

I know he asked the Queen of England (Victoria I think) to fund his works and she said no. He later tried to read his poetry to her and the guards stopped him and I think he was arrested for claiming he was the Queens Official Poet (which he was not).

Towards the end of his life, someone trolled him by sending letter claiming the King of Siam or some shit made him knighted. So rest of his life he went by some silly long title.
 
Mark Twain as 'Emmeline Grangerford' from Huckleberry Finn is probably the best worst poet ever:

And did young Stephen sicken,
And did young Stephen die?
And did the sad hearts thicken,
And did the mourners cry?

No; such was not the fate of
Young Stephen Dowling Bots;
Though sad hearts round him thickened,
'Twas not from sickness' shots.

No whooping-cough did rack his frame,
Nor measles drear, with spots;
Not these impaired the sacred name
Of Stephen Dowling Bots.

Despised love struck not with woe
That head of curly knots,
Nor stomach troubles laid him low,
Young Stephen Dowling Bots.

O no. Then list with tearful eye,
Whilst I his fate do tell.
His soul did from this cold world fly,
By falling down a well.

They got him out and emptied him;
Alas it was too late;
His spirit was gone for to sport aloft
In the realms of the good and great.

"Buck said she could rattle off poetry like nothing. She didn't ever have to stop to think. He said she would slap down a line, and if she couldn't find anything to rhyme with it she would just scratch it out and slap down another one, and go ahead. She warn't particular, she could write about anything you choose to give her to write about, just so it was sadful. Every time a man died, or a woman died, or a child died, she would be on hand withher `tribute' before he was cold. She called them tributes. The neighbors said it was the doctor first, then Emmeline, then the undertaker--the undertaker never got in ahead of Emmeline but once, and then she hung fire on a rhyme for the dead person's name, which was Whistler. She warn't ever the same, after that; she never complained, but she kind of pined away and did not live long"
 
Rupi Kaur is an obvious choice but I think Maya Angelou is a bit worse since she's actually really popular and people praise her poetry a lot more. You've probably of heard of her poems Phenomenal Woman, Caged Bird, and I Rise before. They're not the worst poems ever but they are very mediocre and not deserving of all the praise they get.
 
I'm a pretty alright writer, though I wouldn't say there's anything special with my poetry. What really fucks with me is the people that are getting publicity for basic three line poems that anyone could express, with a shitty ms paint drawing alongside (e.g Rupi Kaur, Amanda Lovelace). They get attention because they're surface-level and relatable. Don't even get me started on fucking slam poetry.
 
Mark Twain as 'Emmeline Grangerford' from Huckleberry Finn is probably the best worst poet ever:

In terms of fictional worst poets, there's also Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings, created by Douglas Adam's in Hitchhiker's Guide.

"The dead swans lay in the stagnant pool.
They lay. They rotted. They turned
Around occasionally.
Bits of flesh dropped off them from
Time to time.
And sank into the pool's mire.
They also smelt a great deal."

I think both Twain's and Adams's worst poets fail, though, because they're inspiringly bad on purpose.
 
Beat me to it. He is everything bad about the 1970s, memorialized on paper forever.



Edit: I stole the garbage I quoted wholesale from this site. (Archive.) Whoever is running the site is such a McKuen fan they couldn't even the the title of the poem right. The cat's name was Sloopy, not Sloppy. (Presumably in reference to this old song?) Dunno if anyone else finds that funny, but I do.

Just found out Frank Sinatra recorded a song with lyrics by Rod McKuen. So confused and conflicted now. :\

 
Benjamin Zephaniah has to be one of the most obnxious poets I’ve ever read, and (:powerlevel:) in UK primary school we were forced to read this shit. Bearing in mind that was 15 years ago, so before SJW stuff started going into full swing.

B0B46824-4BF1-4E2F-857D-EBEC330987A8.jpeg
 
Benjamin Zephaniah has to be one of the most obnxious poets I’ve ever read, and (:powerlevel:) in UK primary school we were forced to read this shit. Bearing in mind that was 15 years ago, so before SJW stuff started going into full swing.

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I just read that and it's an absolute, utter piece of shit. Anyone who forced children to read that should be thrown in prison for life.
 
Benjamin Zephaniah has to be one of the most obnxious poets I’ve ever read, and (:powerlevel:) in UK primary school we were forced to read this shit. Bearing in mind that was 15 years ago, so before SJW stuff started going into full swing.

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That was the most cringy thing I have read in quite a while; what a hack.

I would also like to make special mention of Gabriel Rivera’s suicide poem:
I AM A LATINA THAT HAS THOUGHT OF SUICIDE


I AM A LATINA THAT HAS THOUGHT OF SUICIDE


THIS MEANS


I


AM


A


LATINA


THAT


HAS


THOUGHT


ABOUT


KILLING


HERSELF


BREATHE THIS IN WITH ME


I


HAVE


THOUGHT


ABOUT


TAKING


MYSELF


TO


THE


END


and i wished it to be so


look me in the eyes


and think about what you see, think about what you see, what you see,


what do you see


i am nothing most days in the street


i am nothing


i am no one in these new york city streets


I AM A LATINA THAT HAS THOUGHT ABOUT KILLING HERSELF


I AM A LATINA THAT HAS THOUGHT ABOUT KILLING HERSELF


i am not sofia vergara


i am not sofia vergara


i am not jennifer lopez


i am not jennifer lopez


am i latina?


am i?


what am i?


the dark comes to me on subway trains


i am awake rumbling home, i am alone.


i am alone


i live inside of the subway, i am afraid in my home


there is no one to catch my tears there is only someone who wipes them away once they’ve settled into the cracks and into the shit on the floor of the subway car


there is only that person who sweeps them into a bag of hot cheetos and dumps them into a black canister and this person wishes for a better life


one without my tears, one without everyones shit on the floor


but they don’t see me either


they don’t see me either


i am always on edge, i am always on a ten even when i could be a seven


no, i do not work here


no, i do not work here


I AM A LATINA THAT HAS THOUGHT ABOUT SUICIDE


I AM A LATINA THAT HAS THOUGHT ABOUT SUICIDE


PLEASE LOOK AT ME


PLEASE LOOK AT ME


PLEASE SEE ME


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE


WHY DO I HAVE TO ASK SO NICELY?


when i don’t smile you are afraid


i am that latina girl at your white job, that is me, i am she and when she doesn’t smile you are afraid and you don’t know how to say it but she knows you are afraid cuz you are afraid because when she is tired she isn’t pleasing you, when i am tired i am not pleasing you and you are afraid and you are afraid


and you make me so so tired


so tired


so tired


I AM A LATINA THAT HAS THOUGHT ABOUT KILLING HERSELF


I AM A LATINA THAT HAS THOUGHT ABOUT KILLING HERSELF


PLEASE LOOK AT ME


PLEASE LOOK AT ME


i am not cleaning your house, my mother is not cleaning your house, my grandma isn’t cleaning your house but you make more money than me, and you make more money than my mother and you make more money than my grandma and your money comes from them and your money comes from me and i don’t know how to fix it and i wish i could just fix it


still i am invisible unless i crack and snap and pop and lock, still i am invisible unless i crack and snap and pop and lock and make you laugh and make you feel better about your gentrification and make you feel better about your objectification and make you feel better about your colonization and make you feel better, feel better


because when i don’t smile you are afraid


when i don’t smile you are afraid


I AM A LATINA THAT HAS THOUGHT ABOUT SUICIDE


I AM A LATINA THAT HAS THOUGHT ABOUT SUICIDE


I AM LATINA THAT GOT TATTOOS TO COVER UP THE TIMES I SLICED MYSELF UP WITH A BUTTERFLY KNIFE TO FIND MY WAY OUT OF THIS COCOON


I AM A LATINA THAT GOT TATTOOS TO COVER UP THE TIMES I SLICED MYSELF UP WITH A BUTTERFLY KNIFE TO FIND MY WAY OUT OF THIS COCOON.


did you know that? bet you didn’t know that. how could you know that? what do you see when you see me? bet you don’t see the butterfly wings bet you don’t see that carcass of skin beneath my thick hips, bet you don’t see where i crawled out of the ground, bet you don’t see my birth, bet you don’t see that i was born,


bet you don’t, bet you don’t


I AM A LATINA THAT HAS THOUGHT ABOUT THE END


I AM A LATINA THAT HAS THOUGHT ABOUT THE END


who has wanted so bad to be george bailey to lose hope on life and the world, to see how it doesn’t matter whether i live or die or had a wonderful life, who has wanted to stand on the edge a bridge and wait to see if an angel comes to me to show me my importance to say hey stay, to say hey fight, to say hey we need you, i am waiting, i am waiting, i wait. i wait for my movie ending. i wait for an angel to gets its wings because of me


I AM A LATINA THAT HAS NOT KILLED HERSELF


I AM A LATINA THAT HAS NOT KILLED HERSELF

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for writing emotional poetry as long as the poet has some talent (as Emily Dickenson did... yeah she was the original emo poet, but she at least had a flow going on in her works).
 
Benjamin Zephaniah has to be one of the most obnxious poets I’ve ever read, and (:powerlevel:) in UK primary school we were forced to read this shit. Bearing in mind that was 15 years ago, so before SJW stuff started going into full swing.

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Zepheniah is genuinely awful.

It always bothered me that as a child sitting through compulsory poetry lessons I'd need to put up with his ilk and Carole Ann Duffy's lesbianic snoozefests, but I had to study English further of my own volition before I got to read Larkin and Blake, both of whom are more interesting and tackle themes which are less likely to have kids taking on a kind of unconscious resentment of society.

I've got no issue with studying Zepheniah, Duffy and the rest but I don't see why I should have been doing at 12 and 13.
 
Zepheniah is genuinely awful.

It always bothered me that as a child sitting through compulsory poetry lessons I'd need to put up with his ilk and Carole Ann Duffy's lesbianic snoozefests, but I had to study English further of my own volition before I got to read Larkin and Blake, both of whom are more interesting and tackle themes which are less likely to have kids taking on a kind of unconscious resentment of society.

I've got no issue with studying Zepheniah, Duffy and the rest but I don't see why I should have been doing at 12 and 13.


To be honest learning stuff like Zepheniah had the worst effect on black kids. It basically became an excuse to act like cunts and eroded away any possibility they had of properly integrating into society. Telling an ever increasing minority of people who are already 'outsiders' that the system is rigged against them and that it is evil and needs to be destroyed (and to hell with the people it was created for and by) is a one way ticket to the shitshow we have now. It's not even as if filling the curriculum back up with Tennyson or Coleridge would do anything as they've been bastardised by marxist/feminist readings.

Btw what is it you find appealing about Larkin? I tried to read some of his stuff but could never get behind it.
 
Mario from il postino

That fucker steals poetry just to bone a hot chick. Smh
 
I'm surprised no one has mentioned William Carlos Williams yet.
so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens
I'm sure there are worse poets, but WCW is taken seriously and taught in schools. Like, McGonaggal is bad, yes, but he's only known for being bad. Nobody's going to write up a fifth form lesson plan and say, "you know what? Forget Elliot and Pound; let's just have the students read The Tay Bridge Disaster". Yet this is exactly what happens with WCW.

There's another poet I can't stand, either, but sadly I don't remember his name, and I don't have his (self-published vanity press) book of poetry handy, either. He was like a contemporary McGonaggal; very pompous and bathic. He described himself as a "poet, pugulist, lover, and doc" (he was a "Doctor of Chiropractic") and he wrote a poem about Columbus which included the line "food and farts". I'll look around, see if I can find it.
 
I don’t like when a poet leans into the delivery more than the actual poem. Part of the art is how it’s read and many people simply lack the knowledge to read a poem appropriately. It’s a very learned skill and when a poet uses it too heavily it just becomes annoying. In my reading of it almost all emotional and purpose is lost and that makes the poem completely inaccessible.

I’ve noticed a lot more modern poets doing it, and then wondering why people don’t value their work. No duh average readers can’t even engage with it.
 
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