Sneed.exe by Jeff the thriller
I had just gotten out of my FFA club at my middle school. We were learning the finer points of both feeding and seeding. I bent down to redo the velcro on my shoes when something caught my eye. It was a CD. I looked at the front of the CD. In black marker someone hastily wrote sneed.exe. Sneed.exe? What does that mean? I tossed the CD in my Fluttershy backpack and waddled home.
When I got home, I inserted the CD into my computer but only after I microwaved a Tomlinson brand pepperoni pizza. I don’t know what the pepperoni is made out of but it sure does got a kick to it. I opened the CD and looked at what it contained, only a single file that was 666mb named sneed.exe. As the exotic mystery pepperoni slid down my fat gullet, I double clicked on the file. The pepperoni tasted faintly of fried chicken and grape soda.
A blank video player popped up for 1488 seconds. I just sat there for like 20 minutes because
I’m a dunce with no concept of the passage of time. Then suddenly the opening to the
Simpsons played. Awesome, I love the Simpsons. The show got really good after season 12.
The opening of this episode was slightly off. The sky was red, blood red, and the logo was
dripping hyper-realistic blood. The opening theme was backwards and played at ½ speed.
Suddenly the CD glitched out and skipped further in the episode. It started with an establishing
shot on Sneed’s Feed and Seed. Score another one for me. Tomacco is my favorite episode.
Although something was wrong with this Sneed’s Feed and Seed. Instead of the sign reading
Sneed’s Feed and Seed or even Chuck’s Fuck and Suck, it simply read Sneed.exe. Of course,
the sky was blood red, hyper-realistic blood red.
There was then a zoom in on Sneed. His eyes were black and they dripped hyper-realistic
blood. Instead of Homer approaching Sneed and his friend, all that happened was Sneed turned to the camera and stared directly into my soul. The next 420 seconds slowly zoomed
into Sneed as he shattered the fourth wall staring at me. With an extreme close up of Sneed’s
face his two friends came into frame. All three of them had black eyes that were bleeding
hyper-realistic blood.
Suddenly all three of their jaws opened impossibly wide revealing rows of razor sharp teeth. When their mouths were fully open, a piercing Kefka laugh burst from my speakers. On the
computer monitor underneath Sneed in hyper-realistic blood red letters it said “I am God…”
I ripped the CD from my computer and threw it out my window so the curse could find another victim. I wandered into my filthy bathroom and looked in the mirror. I no longer saw myself in the mirror but Sneed with black hyper-realistic bloody eyes.
I…. Can’t…. Sneed….
