What's a good treatment for constipation?

[Bob's Vagene]

I feel like I have about 30 lbs of poop stuck inside me. I haven't shat in 2 days. Any suggestions?

 

[Vingle]

Enema.
Unscrew the head and hold the shower hose onto the butthole, turn on the water, go to toilet and shit it out when it's going to come out.

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

Step one: Pinch a big one hogger of Kodiak Wintergreen.
Step two: Large cup of hot coffee
Step three: handful of sugar free Haribo Gummi bears.

Step four: Anal exorcism

 

[Furret]

Laxatives.

 

[lurk_moar]

I second the enema idea of fast relief, but you stick something up your butt like a faggot.

Coffee. Coffee never fails to make me poop.

 

[Solid Snek]

The best treatment I've found is pooping.

If you poop, you won't be constipated anymore.

 

[TroonedOutCarl]

6 pints of the cheapest high gravity beer you can find

 

[Ikvion]

dunkin donuts medium iced mocha latte with whole milk and an extra pump of mocha

 

[Aunt Carol]

Oral laxatives work from the top down, enema/suppositories work from the bottom up.

Get something oral that you mix in liquid. Miralax/polyethylene glycol 3350 is the nicest; Metamucil/psyllium is pretty good but needs stirring. Alternatively good old milk of magnesia. Take your pick, keep hydrating, wait a few hours.

If your constipation feels like you have feces that's knocking at the door but can't move, that's when you go for an enema or a suppository, but if you're just waiting for the slow train to arrive at the station, it'll be less effective.

 

[Noname57]

6 pints of the cheapest high gravity beer you can find

Steel reserve is my jam

 

[Mr. Bung]

A poop knife. Stick the knife up your pooper and cut the shit brick into smaller pieces so it comes out easier.

 

[JethroTullamore]

Any Bad Dragon product should be big enough to jar something loose.

 

[Mr. Skeltal]

Psyllium husk fiber. Make sure to mix it extra thick to get the best results; you want to chew it instead of drink it.

 

[Haunted Gambler]

Garlic Bread.

 

[Meat Target]

Caffeine. Lots of caffeine.

 

[Vingle]

Caffeine. Lots of caffeine.

It's lethal at 5-10g

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

Cook your own meals. Specifically, cook your meals like you would eat at a Southern meat-and-three diner, or perhaps a meat-and-two, at which you would have a meat dish with two/three vegetable side dishes plus bread as your main meal of the day. The high vegetable content should calm down your angry colon and result in healthier digestion. Source; experience















The point is to start eating like great-grandpa did back in pioneer days, eat healthy and eat home-cooked.
Oh, by the way, that's a recommendation for long-term problems. For short term, I don't know, take a laxative? If it's powerful you'll feel like you're dying while you shit, but it will do the job. Avoid getting constipated (i.e. eat veggies and fruit, not just meat) in the future. I had bad poops, then I started cooking instead of eating out all the time, and it mostly went away.