Containment What If?

[An Ounce of Vagina]

He would hate all women because they have taken all of the cute men leaving him with none to choose from. He would call them Jerketts.

 

[CatParty]

If Chris was the artist of the portrait, his soul would be warped and infantile.

 

[applecat]

If Chris was the artist, the portrait would end up looking like this:

And the True and Honest Chris would end up looking like this:

Nobody wins there.

 

[CatParty]

 

[applecat]

He wouldn't have much trouble finding a Sweetheart.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

He might even improve himself. People will encourage him to work out and eat properly and he'd probably heed their advice.

 

[Great Unclean Chris]

If he was genuinely gay, he would wear his faggotry as a badge of honour. He would walk around proudly gay, all "we're here, we're queer", activisty as fuck.
I imagine him taking on a bit of a "Only Gay in the Village" type, as seen in the brilliant comedy series "Little Brittain". This is pretty much what I expect Chris to be like if he was actually gay:



Chris, if gay, would be just as demonstrative with his homosexuality as he now is with his heterosexuality. And when he'd see a vayajay he'd "look away with a moment of being disgusted". He'd listen to Right Said Fred and Boy George and stare at his Village People poster to "STAY GAY".

You just described ADF who is just the gay(out of the closet), cultural marxist version of OPL, really thats the only difference

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

He wouldn't be fabulous.

 

[Hyperion]

Chris probably has a dildo in his ass as I write this post. Maybe even two.

 

[Fialovy]

He would have a Saint Seiya poster to keep him on the gay path:

Or maybe a Dragon Ball Z one

 

[Henry Bemis]

He would have a Saint Seiya poster to keep him on the gay path:

These are men?

 

[Fialovy]

yes, they are men, all of them, even the one in the pink armor.

 

[pickleniggo]

DIRTY, FABULOUS BRIEFS.

Also, real gal-pals for whom he'd NEVER forget the glitter.

 

[Great Unclean Chris]

He would have a Saint Seiya poster to keep him on the gay path:

Or maybe a Dragon Ball Z one

I heard that saiya is popular (raped) among those creepy yoai fangirls that right slash fic all day everywhere, only this time it isn't /b/

 

[duckduckgoose]

You know, if Chris had a real job and was not reliant on his tugboat, his best best to get a wife would be to get a mail order bride. He could have his pick (he'd likely go for the Russian ones, they fit his criteria the best) then he'd have someone to take care of himself, his mom, the dogs, the house and give him china every night like in his opinion a good wife would do.

But Chris being Chris will be too lazy to do anything to raise any money or bother to get a job. He'd probably demand the church organize something for him to get contributions so he can get his wife.

Can you even imagine the horror, of the poor new wife when she meets Chris and Barb?

 

[Dr.Nishiyama]

Re: Mail Order Bride

Oh god.

The implications would be awful. Not only do I find mail order brides to be immoral but this.....ugh

 

[brooklynbailiff]

Re: Mail Order Bride

But... it wouldn't be a sweetheart from the ground up?

 

[Henry Bemis]

Re: Mail Order Bride

A What If, no?

 

[milkshark]

Re: Mail Order Bride

My father married 2 of them. Chris would likely get trolled hard, as many of them use marriage as a way to escape a crumbling Russian economy. They'd marry him and probably disappear once they're considered a citizen. It's a horrible idea that he's probably considering.

 

[trip2themoon]

She probably wouldn't let him pound her china and would vanish as soon as the ink on the marriage certificate dried.