Containment What If?

[Sakamoto]

 

[José Mourinho]

i'd take my scissors and cut two eyeholes out of a paper bag and send him on his way.

Or cut for him a blue cloth/shirt to cover his head.

 

[wheat pasta]

Alright, so let's get ALL THE WAY HYPOTHETICAL and assume it's a setup in which he has his own bedroom, bathroom and kitchen because I would refuse to share any of those facilities with him.
I'm female, but chubby and kind of.. odd-looking, so maybe he'd leave me alone- I do meet a fair number of his sweetheart requirements like height, smoking/drinking etc, so who knows. Assuming this, I'd probably just treat him like any autistic kid at my work (daycare) and take him out toy shopping and stuff (but FORBID HIM from using Axe because that smelly shit gives me migraines). We'd play vidya together, if he'd have me, and maybe I'd bake cookies and share them with him sometimes.
I'd probably make him clean his bedroom, bathroom and kitchen, too. Not until they started to smell/grow mold and mildew/attract pests, though.

....


Or he'd harass me because I'm a boyfriend-free girl (the horror!). Assuming this, I would probably avoid him as much as possible until he got handsy.. and then I would too. I wouldn't hurt the poor manchild, but I would definitely do a lot of pushing, pinching.. anything to make him back off. Or I could try telling him I'm a dang dirty homo.

 

[José Mourinho]

ED would probably give him the Golden IPod Award because they're a little twisted like that

 

[cwcvillemayoress]

What if Chris decided to get off his lazy ass and go see Anna? What if in Godbear's twisted sort of way they fall in love? What would their wedding be like? Would Chris try to make it as close to his wedding comic as possible? How long would their marriage last? Would they have the prodigal daughter Crystal in the process?

Or would their marriage crack like an egg under Michael Moore's ass?

Discuss fellow forum members!

 

[José Mourinho]

They will divorce in weeks.

 

[wheat pasta]

I would miss him. The internet would be a less amusing place without CWC.

As mentioned by Springblossom already, Chris is killing himself with his diet and lifestyle.

Remember in his future message vid, he says he plans to live to at least 80 or 100.

And hey, that is basically like a PROMISE.

 

[An Ounce of Vagina]

Chris will still be his whiny entitled self, and will treat Anna like a slave. And even if she is enough of a doormat to accept that he will still eventually decide she is flawed in some way and go back to searching for his TRUE and HONEST sweetheart, while still expecting Anna to wait on him, give him money, clean his , and give him china on command. And if she should ever dare to protest this arrangement he will decide she is a troll and spew hatred for her on Facebook, possibly ordering his "friends" to harm her for him.

Okay maybe a little A-Loggy. It's more like Anna would essentially be adopting a very dumb, 250 lb baby that would never develop or change.

 

[Sakamoto]

They'd live off Barb's retirement money, probably enough for food and bills if they are thrifty, but that's about it. Chris would probably resort to selling his possessions (and anything around the house he thinks he could get a buck for) on eBay so he would have money for vidya, but it wouldn't be enough. From what I've seen, Chris prices stuff he's selling at the price he wants to get, not the price anyone wants to pay.

Barb would probably finally push him to look for a job, but Chris would just say he's looking for one, and maybe put in a half-assed effort to apply for some job he thinks might be easy. If he did manage to get hired, he would whine and complain about any actual work he is asked to do as if he were being mistreated by being asked to do his job. Of course he wouldn't be able to hold down any job for very long.

Probably his only decent chance would be to get a job at Goodwill, where they are used to helping "people who have disabilities, lack education or job experience, or face employment challenges". I think that could really turn his life around for the better, but he would need to be forced into it, if he has any choice, he'll never look for a job.

 

[An Ounce of Vagina]

He'd be overjoyed, and would go flash his new bent china to potential sweethearts.

Just think of all the social justice warriors who would shower him with praise for merely existing.

 

[Sakamoto]

Then he could go fuck himself.

 

[CatParty]

Then he could go fuck himself.

/thread

 

[Da Pickle Monsta]

What else? He'd go to a gay bar and seduce all the lesbians! Scissoring to follow.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

His bent duck would be a great advantage then.

 

[champthom]

This is kind of a stretch, as it's too Chris specific to be in General but a bit too vague as it doesn't necessarily involve Chris directly.

So here's the situation - as you all know, Chris gets PUKEY-SICK when he looks at a man's chest, thinking they should wear bras to cover it up like he does. What if Chris petitioned to make it law that all men had to wear bras and, through an utter failure of the political system, it does in fact become a legal obligation for men to wear bras.

What do you think would be the results?

 

[Saney]

Well, I know I'd stuff mine, I'm as flat as a board.

 

[TheIncredibleLioness]

I probably wouldn't last a day -- what with me being a Boyfriend-Free Girl and coming from a household where everything was always very clean, I'd probably don a Hazmat suit and start scrubbing away the layers of filth Chris undoubtedly leaves on everything. Then when (because it is inevitable) he starts getting handsy or tries to demand I clean up his DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS I would get the hell out as fast as I could. There is no other option.

 

[Pikonic]

Then he'd get sick at yer ugly abs, so shirts would be required. "Those calves make me vomit. PANTS YEAR ROUND!"
One thing lead to another and all American men now wear burkas

 

[Sakamoto]

No one would notice with me. I don't go shirtless outside as I burn easily, and I don't have plump man-boobs to support, so I'd just have a training bra under my shirt. Maybe I'd use it to keep stuff in; add some pockets, keep an MP3 player in there.

 

[theonecrust]

Chris with an RV he would imagine it to be this, only a "Cross-China" Tour. If Chris were to drive an RV across China, that would be interesting

[youtube]2k7w8KMmZLI[/youtube]