Containment What If?

[Bloitzhole]

What if Chris did his Mr. Popo cosplay in prison?

"Popo" is a (slightly childish) term for "butt" in German.
It is safe to assume that if Chris cosplayed as Mr. Popo, his fellow inmates would swiftly turn him into Ms. PoPo.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

What of Chris starred in a soap opera, what would it be called??


"The Old & The Breastless"


What if Chris found love behind bars with a man?

 

[No Batty Boys in Jamaica]

I wonder if Chris has some kind of endocrine issue. Before the hormones, he had a high pitched, childlike voice. Nipples the size of dinner plates, and giant breasts. Small, bent duck. Weak muscles. Thin body hair. The tomgirl tendencies. He seems like patient zero for zoomer trannies. I think that if he was born in 2000 instead of 1982, he would not be a lolcow, simply because he would've been given transgender drugs when he was younger. He'd blend in with all the other autistic troon zoomers on the internet. People on Tumblr would've praised Sonichu. But back in 2007, before half the internet became a hugbox for degenerates, he stuck out like a sore thumb. He also would've gotten coddled more in school if he started out in the post-Columbine era.
TLDR maybe Chris is patient zero for the autistic troon zoomers of today. Perhaps Barb shitting him out when she was 40, and maybe a high load of endocrine disruptors + the paxil turned him into the troon horror that he is today.

 

[Michael Janke]

what if chris gets idenoty theft charges added and it turns out, he was stealing the real chris identity.

 

[No Batty Boys in Jamaica]

what if chris was obsessed with working out and anything related to fitness instead of sonic and Pokemon?
autistic people are always getting obsessed with videogames or anime and shit.
how would this effect his life?

For some reason, many autistic people have low muscle tone. They also tend to be uncoordinated and stereotypically suck at sports, especially ones that require many different movements and not repetitive autist shit like ping pong and shooting foul shots. About 30% have considerably low muscle tone. Another 30% probably have somewhat weak muscles, and 40% normal or above average. A big part of sports and fitness is being coachable. People usually have to learn from a trainer how to have proper form, how often to work out, how much weight to lift on a given day, etc. Chris is not coachable. He also has no sportsmanship (having fits any time he lost in Pokemon at the gameplace, epic sperg out when he lost to Adam Stackhouse, etc). So sports weren't an option.

If he had a basketball hoop at home and Bob never let him have the internet or TV though, I could see him being one of those autists who shoots foul shots constantly. Then plays high school basketball. Chris was the water boy, but if he didn't have videogames, I could see him being one of those autists who rides the bench but then gets put in for foul shots, or maybe plays a few minutes at the end of games when the team is way ahead or behind.

As far as fitness, we'd have to assume that his blocks are purely mental, which I doubt. Even if he were to eat right and train properly as a teenager, he'd see other guys his age getting larger gains for less work. I could see him getting frustrating low plateaus despite putting in the work. If he was really dedicated, I could see him trying steroids, getting some gains, but then overinflating said gains. That would lead to drama with other members at the gym, and he'd eventually be kicked out for autist behavior. Roid rage would have interesting effects on his sperg brain. If he had the internet, he'd eventually find Bodybuilding.com and become a Miscer, where he would promptly get trolled. Someone would catfish him, which would be funny. He might have a youtube channel, which other fitness channels would troll.

At least instead of wearing the Classic, he would be decently in shape, allowing him to get away with wearing gym clothes every (and hopefully showering).

If he was a really hard gainer but still obssessed with weights (meaning he lifts like crazy and puts in the work but his genetics are so shitty that he barely sees any gains before a plateau that is only marginally stronger than a normal person his age), I could see him becoming a synthol freak. That's a guy who injects oil into his arms to inflate them. Ends up looking like a freakish balloon animal. TBH I'm surprised some oil injectors haven't been turned into lolcows, like Kirill Tereshin and Valdir Segato.

TLDR, if Chris lifted, he would not be a Chad. But he would be better off. Unless he was a synthol abuser.

Source about the low muscle tone: https://www.autism-society.org/what-is/diagnosis/related-conditions/

Then again, here's an article about a kid with autism who set state records in his age group when he was 12.

Powerlifting Helps 12 Year Old Autistic Boy – Cutty Strength

cuttystrength.com

It almost reads like the Sonic Sweepstakes news story from an alternate universe.

Pic of guy squatting in red and black gear is what I think Chris would look like if he lifted in the best case scenario. Dude is yoked but not that yoked. Pic of shirtless guy is what I think he would look like in the worst case scenario. He's Kirill Tereshin, aka the Russian Oil Spill. Notorious synthol freak. Those bulges on his arms aren't muscles; they're masses of congealed oil that he injected into his arms. If he spoke English he would probably be a lolcow.

 

[Reef-Raze]

Imagine if Chris had kept his original Youtube channel and had it monetized.

 

[Lancelout]

what if chris was obsessed with working out and anything related to fitness instead of sonic and Pokemon?
autistic people are always getting obsessed with videogames or anime and shit.
how would this effect his life?

I have actually seen some gym spergs before . Autists however just tend to have infantilised interests. Gym obsession often starts as a desire for self improvement. It ties into self reflection ; something that in my experience alot of autists dont seem to often do. A big part of working out is changing how we appear to others . If some sperg doesnt think about how others experience him enough to even shower, then why would he think about his appearance enough to want to better his form ?

Yes people can do it for purely personal reasons but it still requires a level of self reflection alot of autists just dont have. Playing games or watching whatever cartoon is instant gratification for them so .

For some reason, many autistic people have low muscle tone. They also tend to be uncoordinated and stereotypically suck at sports, especially ones that require many different movements and not repetitive autist shit like ping pong and shooting foul shots. About 30% have considerably low muscle tone. Another 30% probably have somewhat weak muscles, and 40% normal or above average. A big part of sports and fitness is being coachable. People usually have to learn from a trainer how to have proper form, how often to work out, how much weight to lift on a given day, etc. Chris is not coachable. He also has no sportsmanship (having fits any time he lost in Pokemon at the gameplace, epic sperg out when he lost to Adam Stackhouse, etc). So sports weren't an option.

If he had a basketball hoop at home and Bob never let him have the internet or TV though, I could see him being one of those autists who shoots foul shots constantly. Then plays high school basketball. Chris was the water boy, but if he didn't have videogames, I could see him being one of those autists who rides the bench but then gets put in for foul shots, or maybe plays a few minutes at the end of games when the team is way ahead or behind.

As far as fitness, we'd have to assume that his blocks are purely mental, which I doubt. Even if he were to eat right and train properly as a teenager, he'd see other guys his age getting larger gains for less work. I could see him getting frustrating low plateaus despite putting in the work. If he was really dedicated, I could see him trying steroids, getting some gains, but then overinflating said gains. That would lead to drama with other members at the gym, and he'd eventually be kicked out for autist behavior. Roid rage would have interesting effects on his sperg brain. If he had the internet, he'd eventually find Bodybuilding.com and become a Miscer, where he would promptly get trolled. Someone would catfish him, which would be funny. He might have a youtube channel, which other fitness channels would troll.

At least instead of wearing the Classic, he would be decently in shape, allowing him to get away with wearing gym clothes every (and hopefully showering).

If he was a really hard gainer but still obssessed with weights (meaning he lifts like crazy and puts in the work but his genetics are so shitty that he barely sees any gains before a plateau that is only marginally stronger than a normal person his age), I could see him becoming a synthol freak. That's a guy who injects oil into his arms to inflate them. Ends up looking like a freakish balloon animal. TBH I'm surprised some oil injectors haven't been turned into lolcows, like Kirill Tereshin and Valdir Segato.

TLDR, if Chris lifted, he would not be a Chad. But he would be better off. Unless he was a synthol abuser.

Source about the low muscle tone: https://www.autism-society.org/what-is/diagnosis/related-conditions/

Then again, here's an article about a kid with autism who set state records in his age group when he was 12.

Powerlifting Helps 12 Year Old Autistic Boy – Cutty Strength

cuttystrength.com

It almost reads like the Sonic Sweepstakes news story from an alternate universe.

Pic of guy squatting in red and black gear is what I think Chris would look like if he lifted in the best case scenario. Dude is yoked but not that yoked. Pic of shirtless guy is what I think he would look like in the worst case scenario. He's Kirill Tereshin, aka the Russian Oil Spill. Notorious synthol freak. Those bulges on his arms aren't muscles; they're masses of congealed oil that he injected into his arms. If he spoke English he would probably be a lolcow.

Interesting read, I didnt know all that shit about muscle tone. If chris was a heavy lifter though i suspect he would be the type to get into steroids . He probably wouldnt do his research though and would ultimately fuck up his hormones for a while but.

I dont really see him being a power lifter. His primary interest has always been finding a boyfriend free gal so I think he would be going for look over strength.

 

[Eydallur]

what if chris was obsessed with working out and anything related to fitness instead of sonic and Pokemon?
autistic people are always getting obsessed with videogames or anime and shit.
how would this effect his life?

Imagine a 250lb 10% bodyfat dude wearing a sports bra and some weird looking super sonic medallion around his neck walking up to you in the gym telling you to cover your chest. Then he hands you a pair of sonic themed pasties.

Source about the low muscle tone: https://www.autism-society.org/what-is/diagnosis/related-conditions/

I know I shouldn't have had any expectations but you really got to hand it to these fucking spergs for confusing muscle mass with "tone" (whatever the fuck that is) and of course providing no sources for their bullshit. Is this a parody website or are these faggots for real?

Then there's this gem:

•Low IQ: Research studies have frequently used inappropriate IQ tests, such as verbal tests with nonverbal children, and in some cases have estimated children’s intelligence level without any objective evidence. Tests that do not require language skills, such as the Test of Nonverbal Intelligence (TONI), can offer more accurate information about the person.

A Developmental Study of Mathematics in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or Typical Development - Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders

This study examined mathematics achievement in school-aged children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), symptoms of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or typical development (TD) over a 30-month period and the associations between cognitive and reading abilities with mathematics...

link.springer.com

tl;dr an ASD diagnosis is predictive of impaired problem solving ability that can be inferred from their verbal IQ. In other words there's no fucking difference between verbal IQ and non-verbal IQ among those with autism which kinda makes sense since "non-verbal IQ" is a bootleg brand of COPIUM with the same nutritional value.

 

[Attractive Sexhaver]

what if the whole chrischan saga is just some weird dream and it ends when Kanye West wakes up and says "white people... damn."

 

[Michael Janke]

what if chris's drawings were 10x better?
imagine high quality sonichu?
what would 10x better translate to anyway. shadman tier art or something?

 

[PipTheAlchemist]

what if chris's drawings were 10x better?
imagine high quality sonichu?
what would 10x better translate to anyway. shadman tier art or something?

The sex scenes in Sonichu would certrainly be hard to distinguish from Shadman's art

 

[silentium]

Biggest what ifs to me will always be:
- If Bob had let go of his prejudices regarding psychiatry and special ed and gotten Chris adequate help as a kid
- If Cole had been horrified enough that time when he visited for a birthday (Chris was 19 I think?) to pull him out of the Chandler household and help him in his early adult life

I think both could still have turned out poorly for Chris but due to different reasons. Borb simply didn't have the energy needed to raise an autistic kid at their age, while Cole would've struggled to overcome Chris's upbringing and dependence on his toxic parents

 

[Michael Janke]

If Bob had let go of his prejudices regarding psychiatry and special ed and gotten Chris adequate help as a kid

well to be fair, kids back in bobs day got lobotomized or sterilized for that.

 

[Shibaru]

Imagine if Chris had kept his original Youtube channel and had it monetized.

I'd imagine one of his older stunts would've demonetized it quickly, it would probably have been monetized up until 2017/2018 when youtube started changing shit for worse following the paul fiasco.

 

[PipTheAlchemist]

For some reason, many autistic people have low muscle tone. They also tend to be uncoordinated and stereotypically suck at sports, especially ones that require many different movements and not repetitive autist shit like ping pong and shooting foul shots. About 30% have considerably low muscle tone. Another 30% probably have somewhat weak muscles, and 40% normal or above average. A big part of sports and fitness is being coachable. People usually have to learn from a trainer how to have proper form, how often to work out, how much weight to lift on a given day, etc. Chris is not coachable. He also has no sportsmanship (having fits any time he lost in Pokemon at the gameplace, epic sperg out when he lost to Adam Stackhouse, etc). So sports weren't an option.

If he had a basketball hoop at home and Bob never let him have the internet or TV though, I could see him being one of those autists who shoots foul shots constantly. Then plays high school basketball. Chris was the water boy, but if he didn't have videogames, I could see him being one of those autists who rides the bench but then gets put in for foul shots, or maybe plays a few minutes at the end of games when the team is way ahead or behind.

As far as fitness, we'd have to assume that his blocks are purely mental, which I doubt. Even if he were to eat right and train properly as a teenager, he'd see other guys his age getting larger gains for less work. I could see him getting frustrating low plateaus despite putting in the work. If he was really dedicated, I could see him trying steroids, getting some gains, but then overinflating said gains. That would lead to drama with other members at the gym, and he'd eventually be kicked out for autist behavior. Roid rage would have interesting effects on his sperg brain. If he had the internet, he'd eventually find Bodybuilding.com and become a Miscer, where he would promptly get trolled. Someone would catfish him, which would be funny. He might have a youtube channel, which other fitness channels would troll.

At least instead of wearing the Classic, he would be decently in shape, allowing him to get away with wearing gym clothes every (and hopefully showering).

If he was a really hard gainer but still obssessed with weights (meaning he lifts like crazy and puts in the work but his genetics are so shitty that he barely sees any gains before a plateau that is only marginally stronger than a normal person his age), I could see him becoming a synthol freak. That's a guy who injects oil into his arms to inflate them. Ends up looking like a freakish balloon animal. TBH I'm surprised some oil injectors haven't been turned into lolcows, like Kirill Tereshin and Valdir Segato.

TLDR, if Chris lifted, he would not be a Chad. But he would be better off. Unless he was a synthol abuser.

Source about the low muscle tone: https://www.autism-society.org/what-is/diagnosis/related-conditions/

Then again, here's an article about a kid with autism who set state records in his age group when he was 12.

Powerlifting Helps 12 Year Old Autistic Boy – Cutty Strength

cuttystrength.com

It almost reads like the Sonic Sweepstakes news story from an alternate universe.

Pic of guy squatting in red and black gear is what I think Chris would look like if he lifted in the best case scenario. Dude is yoked but not that yoked. Pic of shirtless guy is what I think he would look like in the worst case scenario. He's Kirill Tereshin, aka the Russian Oil Spill. Notorious synthol freak. Those bulges on his arms aren't muscles; they're masses of congealed oil that he injected into his arms. If he spoke English he would probably be a lolcow.

Funny that you mention basketball. I've once heard a story on some article somewhere a while ago about some autist who managed to find some minor success playing basketball. Despite being autistic and not even being that tall or suited to the sport in the first place
While autists are obviously a lot less likely to be good at or enjoy sports, due to poor musclemass/hand-eye coordination, typical disinterest in sports in favor of more stereotypically autistic hobbies and probably some other shit, it isn't necessarily impossible. It's just that most autists hate sports. Mostly for understandable reasons, imo
It would've been pretty hilarious to hear stories about Chris-Chan spergraging over all the male jerks at the gym being better than him, whether Chris would've been on roids or not. Maybe then, Chris-Chan would've recieved some well-deserved beatings from some physically superior, pissed-off chads sick of his bullshit

 

[WorldsSmartestManRonOTool]

What if Bob was the Zodiac Killer?

Spoiler

Spoiler

Some theorize that Zodiac had prior military service - Bob served in the US Army.
Zodiac always used extra postage - Bob was really into stamps
Zodiac sent a schematic of a car battery powered bomb to the newspaper - Bob had experience designing electrical systems
Zodiac was said to have had an accent/drawl - Bob grew up in Texas/Alabama, would be unusual for a person from the Bay Area to hear.
Zodiac misspelled a lot of simple words - Bob said he was an engineer, but not a good speller
Bob could probably make a cipher
Bob probably had a copy of Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Mikado" in his massive record collection.

 

[No Batty Boys in Jamaica]

What if Bob was the Zodiac Killer?
Some theorize that Zodiac had prior military service - Bob served in the US Army.
Zodiac always used extra postage - Bob was really into stamps
Zodiac sent a schematic of a car battery powered bomb to the newspaper - Bob had experience designing electrical systems
Zodiac was said to have had an accent/drawl - Bob grew up in Texas/Alabama, would be unusual for a person from the Bay Area to hear.
Zodiac misspelled a lot of simple words - Bob said he was an engineer, but not a good speller
Bob could probably make a cipher
Bob probably had a copy of Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Mikado" in his massive record collection.

Bob wasn't just in the Army. He was in the Signal Corps. He would know cryptography.

 

[Lancelout]

What if Chris just spent some time making friendships and actually caring about something other than getting a girlfriend or having sex?

One of the most perplexing things about chris. A love quest going on for 20 years now and he never has thought that perhaps the best way to get a girl is to become someone a girl could be attracted to. Its really hard to wrap my head around the fact he is almost 40 and he thinks that any woman is going to want a fat, lazy, trans, house husband who plays with legos and crayons all day .

Like I get that he doesnt evaluate himself but he has had 4 decades to have this thought at any point cross his mind.

 

[Michael Janke]

what would happen if a bunch of people showed up to court wearing classic chris and liquid chris outfits. outside the court a bunch of people are singing virgin with rage.
how would the court react?

 

[Lancelout]

what would happen if a bunch of people showed up to court wearing classic chris and liquid chris outfits. outside the court a bunch of people are singing virgin with rage.
how would the court react?

Only if they burst in at start of trial
"HE IS NOT CHRIS . I AM THE REAL CHRIS "

"NO I AM THE REAL CHRIS "