Culture What Did We Get Stuck in Our Rectums Last Year - 2025 edition.

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https://archive.is/IyAxw

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This is the time of year to be grateful for not having things stuck in our asses, and to think of those less fortunate than us. So spare a thought for those Americans who misjudged the capacity of their own orifices.

All reports are taken from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission's database of emergency room visits, all descriptions are verbatim, and all the people involved had a very bad time.

Penis

  • BATTERY
  • CANDLE WAX
  • CHESS PIECE
  • 2 GLASS BEADS
  • PEN
  • PENCIL
  • COMB
  • APPLE STEMS
  • APPLE CORE
  • BOBBY PIN
  • PAPER CLIP
  • MAGNETS
  • SPRING
  • SCREW
  • STAPLES
  • THERMOMETER
  • HEADPHONES
  • GUITAR STRING
  • ALLEN WRENCH
Vagina

  • HOLIDAY BELL
  • LIGHTER
  • ALUMINUM FOIL
  • COTTON BALLS
  • POPSICLE STICK
  • PLASTIC ORCA
  • GEMSTONE
  • "INSERTED TWO DIAMOND RINGS IN HER VAGINA WHILE AT A PARTY IN FEAR THEY WOULD BE STOLEN"
  • LATEX GLOVE
  • BATH BOMB
  • SMALL PLASTIC MERMAID
  • FLOWER TOY
  • "REPORTS A BAG OF MARIJUANA HAS BEEN IN HER VAGINA FOR 2 DAYS AND IS UNCOMFORTABLE"
  • BRACELET CHARMS
  • 2 VIBRATORS
  • PENIS RING
  • 2 PENIS RINGS
  • 2 SPOONS
  • "WAS USING A PIECE OF PLASTIC TO MASTURBATE WHEN GOT SPOOKED BY THE WIND OUTSIDE AND THREW THE SHEET OVER HERSELF IN THE PROCESS LODGING THE PIECE OF PLASTIC DEEPER INTO HER VAGINA AND WASN'T ABLE TO RETRIEVE"
  • HAIRBRUSH
  • DETERGENT POD
  • PLUNGER CAP
  • BEER BOTTLE, "WAS ON A CRUISE ON HER HONEYMOON"
Rectum

  • LUBRICANT BOTTLE
  • ENEMA BOTTLE
  • NAILS
  • SCREWS AND NAILS
  • "PATIENT STATES HE PUT A BASEBALL IN HIS RECTUM TO SEE WHAT IT FELT LIKE"
  • AEROSOL CAN
  • DOG CHEW TOY
  • DRYER SHEET
  • "WAS FEELING CONSTIPATED FOR 2 DAYS, HE TOOK THE BASE OFF OF HIS BEARD CLIPPERS AND WRAPPED IN A PLASTIC BAGGIE, INSERTED INTO THE RECTUM AND IT GOT STUCK"
  • BATON
  • HAIR TIE
  • "CONCERN ABOUT IF HE STILL HAD A SMALL VIBRATOR IN HIS RECTUM. HIS GIRLFRIEND PLACED IT THERE ON FRIDAY"
  • TURKEY BASTER
  • PLASTIC CLEANSER BOTTLE (FULL OF LIQUID)
  • "REPORTS HE SLIPPED IN THE SHOWER AND A SHAMPOO BOTTLE WENT INTO HIS RECTUM"
  • "STATES HE WAS IN THE SHOWER 'WAS BORED' WHEN PT PLACED SHAMPOO BOTTLE INTO RECTUM"
  • DENTAL PICK
  • WINE STOPPER
  • CORN COB HOLDER
  • "HAD GONE OUT WITH WIFE WIFE LAST NIGHT AND HAD TOO MANY DRINKS, WENT HOME DRUNK, WIFE INSERTED A RUBBERY SEX TOY INTO PT'S RECTUM, UNABLE TO REMOVE"
  • HIGHLIGHTER
  • INVISIBLE MARKER
  • MAGIC WAND TOY
  • "REPORTS 7-INCH DILDO INSERTED INTO RECTUM WHEN IT ACCIDENTALLY WENT TOO FAR. HE ATTEMPTED TO USE PLIERS TO REMOVE IT. PLIERS STUCK TOO"
  • MARBLES
  • FILM CANISTER
  • BATTERY-POWERED LIGHT
  • "PLASTIC COATHANGER INSIDE HIS ANUS. HE INSERTED THE HANGER DURING SEXUAL ACTIVITY. HE CUT OFF THE OUTSIDE OF THE HANGER SO HE COULD DRIVE TO THE ER"
  • PENNY
  • SANDAL
  • DOORKNOB
  • "HE INSERTED A LIGHT BULB INTO HIS RECTUM THIS MORNING WITH THE GLASS SIDE FIRST AND DUE TO THE SUCTION EFFECT, THE BULB GOT SUCKED UP"
  • FLASHLIGHT
  • VAPE PEN
  • "POSSIBLE RECTAL FOREIGN BODY. SHE REPORTS PLACING A SMALL VIBRATOR IN HER RECTUM, SHE DOES NOT REMEMBER REMOVING IT AND CANNOT FIND IT"
  • 2 PENCILS
  • CORNCOB-STYLE PIPE
  • "REPORTS USING A BUTT PLUG IN HER ANUS A FEW HOURS AGO WHEN IT BROKE OFF. SIGNIFICANT OTHER USED TWEEZERS TO RETRIEVE PIECE THAT BROKE OFF. TWEEZERS NOW STUCK IN RECTUM"
  • RUBBER GASKET
  • UNCOOKED PASTA
  • PIECE OF NOSE HAIR TRIMMER
  • "STATES HE HAS A FOREIGN BODY IN HIS RECTUM THAT IS VIBRATING. HE STATES HE WAS WITH A GIRL LAST NIGHT AND DOESN'T REMEMBER MUCH"
  • EYEGLASSES
  • ROCK
  • EGG
  • "WAS BEING INTIMATE WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND AND THEY SHOVED A RECTANGULAR TRAVEL TOOTHBRUSH HOLDER IN HIS RECTUM, WAS ABLE TO GET HALF OF IT OUT"
  • MULTIPLE SEX TOYS
  • CAT-HEADED VIBRATOR
  • 18-INCH DILDO
  • 24-INCH DILDO
  • "REPORTS HAVING A 6 INCH VIBRATOR IN RECTUM SINCE 2:00 PM TODAY. DOESN'T RECALL PLACING VIBRATOR IN RECTUM. ALSO REPORTED TAKING 'POPPERS' AT THE TIME"
 
Presiona para expandir...
KiwiFuzz2 dijo:
Why not cut out the middleman and just shove an enormous plastic Coke bottle up your ass?
Presiona para expandir...
Because he's a sick degenerate who made degeneracy his job.

Found it:
Jerri's Kid dijo:
I hate that I have this information floating around in my head, but you really want something with a flange if you're gonna stick it up your ass. This radio comedienne I used to listen to talked about this subject for laughs and a bunch of doctors called in to tell their stories. One doctor said that once when she was working the ER she had to remove a coke bottle from a 300 lb. man and it was like trying to wrangle a 500 lb. tuna because it was really stuck up there. Another doctor who worked in a prison said that when the anus gets irritated from sticking objects inside of it, a reverse peristalsis occurs which sucks up the object. A flange prevents this from happening.
Presiona para expandir...
If you worked yourself up to that size, your asshole is stretched so much it doesn't close anymore.
 
Jerri's Kid dijo:
I hate that I have this information floating around in my head, but you really want something with a flange if you're gonna stick it up your ass. This radio comedienne I used to listen to talked about this subject for laughs and a bunch of doctors called in to tell their stories. One doctor said that once when she was working the ER she had to remove a coke bottle from a 300 lb. man and it was like trying to wrangle a 500 lb. tuna because it was really stuck up there. Another doctor who worked in a prison said that when the anus gets irritated from sticking objects inside of it, a reverse peristalsis occurs which sucks up the object. A flange prevents this from happening.
Presiona para expandir...
I'm aware of the Flared Base requirement for ass play, but at least with a plastic 2l Coke bottle, if it gets "stuck," you can pop a hole in the bottom to release the suction.

And I hate that I have this information floating around in my head.
 
Just a reminder you don’t have to be a degenerate to have things get stuck into weird places in your body. For instance

IMG_0510.webp

PMCT Images. Nurse advanced NG tube until she heard a pop, then tried an air bolus to ensure placement. Patient did not survive.​


Patient had recently undergone surgery for a skull fracture which should have prevented an NG tube being used. It did not. Patient lived 8 days in state of low consciousness and communication while staff attempted treatment.
 
After Zinnia Jones attempted to fit an entire Kia Soul in there, I can only assume that everything else gets the volume turned down.
 
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