What are the most lolcowish cults?

[Skitarii]

I don't mean stuff like heaven's gate or the peoples' temple that generated a fuckton of controversy, I mean cults that are either lead by (Osho, Charles Manson, Jared Leto, etc) or contain several prominent lolcows (Scientology's Tom Cruise, Amy Carlson of Gaia fame, whatever the fuck Ezra Miller is doing)

Don't go for low-hanging fruit like america first or breadtube or tenacious unicorn ranch

 

[The Gene Genie]

The Family, and not Charlie's. Led by a guy named David Berg who went on to call himself, among other names, 'God,' 'Dad,' and 'King David.' Pretending to be some weirdo New Age hippie-dippie nonsense in the time where that was fashionable, he created an entire cult just to satisfy his coomer desires. He got members by either flirting with women and convincing them to join, or he got said women to do what he called 'Flirty Fishing' with men. That is to say, to fuck them and convince them to join the cult. It was basically a prostitution ring with cult aesthetics.

There was a whole thing with pedophilia and child abuse that I'm not too familiar with, but the dude went off the grid in the 1970s but he kept the organization going until he died in the 90s, when he passed it off to his mistress that gave birth to his son, the reborn Jesus.

 

[Bunny Tracks]

Aum Shinrikyo because they were literally just a bunch of nerdish weebs worshipping an obese blind man.

 

[Suburban Bastard]

Aum Shinrikyo because they were literally just a bunch of nerdish weebs worshipping an obese blind man.

He was ultimately executed on July 6, 2018

Lmfao I didn't even know they killed him

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Wokeism - AKA "social justice warrioers"?



But as far as religious cults go, maybe UFO cults?

 

[Saint Agustin]

The Troon Cult is really funny. I don't think you can find a group of people as easy to trigger as them.

You can literally make a troon sperg and try to kill himself just by calling him a "sir".

If that's isn't lolcowzy I don't know what is.

 

[PipTheAlchemist]

Islam

 

[CivilianOfTheFandomWars]

Aum Shinrikyo because they were literally just a bunch of nerdish weebs worshipping an obese blind man.

At least he was good at judo.

 

[Caesare]

That Japanese guy who gassed the subway, who told his followers he could fly since he could bounce on his ass while sitting Indian style.

Aum Shinrikyo because they were literally just a bunch of nerdish weebs worshipping an obese blind man.

Oh shit, that's the guy! I didn't know he was blind, I just thought his eyes were like that because he's a chink.

There was a whole thing with pedophilia and child abuse that I'm not too familiar with, but the dude went off the grid in the 1970s but he kept the organization going until he died in the 90s, when he passed it off to his mistress that gave birth to his son, the reborn Jesus.

You wanna feel sad? Watch his reborn Jesus son's manifesto video, where he's sitting in his apartment's kitchen, nearly in tears while recalling the abuse and humiliation he suffered his entire childhood, while loading a pistol. He filmed it the day before he murdered one of his rapist nanny's, then killed himself. Good for him though. Went out like a real G.

 

[Apochrypha]

Unification church, otherwise known as "Moonies." Very funny meetings and mass weddings where they all stand around like idiots and wear funny crowns made of bullets with guns in their hands. Which would be badass if they weren't devout weirdos.

 

[R00T]

I think I know someone in a unification church. Didn’t know hand guns and balloons were involved, but she is a clown….

 

[ICametoLurk]

There's a Cult in Russia that worships a Disney Rat Girl.

 

[My Name is Mud]

The NXIVM cult/corporation.

 

[Elbow Greased Strength]

Synanon was pretty horrific if you read into a lot of the stuff they did. Fun fact, Synanon members were used as extras in THX-1138.

 

[Skitarii]

There's a Cult in Russia that worships a Disney Rat Girl.

Rat kings

 

[Miss Misery]

The Family, and not Charlie's. Led by a guy named David Berg who went on to call himself, among other names, 'God,' 'Dad,' and 'King David.' Pretending to be some weirdo New Age hippie-dippie nonsense in the time where that was fashionable, he created an entire cult just to satisfy his coomer desires. He got members by either flirting with women and convincing them to join, or he got said women to do what he called 'Flirty Fishing' with men. That is to say, to fuck them and convince them to join the cult. It was basically a prostitution ring with cult aesthetics.

There was a whole thing with pedophilia and child abuse that I'm not too familiar with, but the dude went off the grid in the 1970s but he kept the organization going until he died in the 90s, when he passed it off to his mistress that gave birth to his son, the reborn Jesus.

If you ever feel like a deep dive into The Family there is an insanely extensive and well curated wiki here: https://www.xfamily.org/index.php/Main_Page

(Including the aforementioned video by Ricky Rodriguez/Davidito here: https://www.xfamily.org/index.php/Ricky_Rodriguez_video)

 

[ProfessorCuckulus]

nothing is going to top scientology. xenu. closet case celeberities getting backmailed by the cult. every celebrity that joins goes insane from learning about body thetans. scientology is the olcow utopia. theres a reaso 4chan lost their minds over that cult. everything about them is hilarious .

 

[Toolbox]

Lmfao I didn't even know they killed him

No, he dematerialized then flew away while sitting down. The execution report is clearly a cover up of the messiah's great escape.

 

[A Dumb Demon]

There's a Cult in Russia that worships a Disney Rat Girl.

It's the Gadget cult (the mouse from that Chip n Dale 90s cartoon). I wonder if that recent movie where she canonically got inseminated repeatedly by a fly will be the catalyst for a hilarious group suicide.

 

[Ronnie McNutt]

Trannies lol