Weird shit you do

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I work at a hotel and lately tend to imagine I live in a post apocalyptic world where Im isolated from society and clean this hotel which is the only piece of civilization for miles around but rarely ever sees stragglers
 
When alone, I sometimes lash out at the air, or punch my own fist, weird stuff like that, almost like a tic except I never do it around other people, with a flash of anger. I've thought about buying a punching bag, like maybe that's something I need. I don't remember ever doing that before I moved and started grad school.
 
I've recently started sleeping while listening to videos by the channel aperture (see ex below) along with Tibetan healing music.
falling asleep to both while mellowed out just a little bit of thc? It's oddly relaxing. It's done wonders for anxiety and existential crisis. Lessened my fear of my own mortality...for now
 
I have a habit of crying randomly and then negative thoughts come in, which makes me cry harder. I guess, more specifically, that I cry about shit that does not affect me and I go outta my way to make myself upset. I am a sensitive person, whether people believe or not. All I want is what is best for everyone and for everyone to be happy and be able to die knowing they lived a good life with their loved ones but that's not possible. So, I cry and I cry a lot.
 
I have problem. I constantly repurpose songs into gay versions of them in my head. If I hear a song, my mind will literally morph it into gay shit tracks with obscene lyrics. I have a problem..... kill me
I used to do that back in in my late middle school - high school years. I would go to a friends house who had multiple people over (all guys, but they weren't gay, sometimes I'd bring my then boyfriend with me) for the weekend and I would sing the goddamn funniest shit. One that killed them always was a gay version of "Love You to Death" by Type O Negative called "ButtFuck You to Death" I wish I still knew the lyrics. I still do that to this very day too.
 
Última edición:
I used to do that back in in my late middle school - high school years. I would go to a friends house who had multiple people over (all guys, but they weren't gay, sometimes I'd bring my then boyfriend with me) for the weekend and I would sing the goddamn funniest shit. One that killed them always was a gay version of "Love You to Death" by Type O Negative called "ButtFuck You to Death" I wish I still knew the lyrics. I still do that to this very day too.

 
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