Wacky neighbor stories

[Dysnomia]

Unless you live miles from the nearest human being I'm sure you have one.

I've moved around a lot. But almost always in the same general area. So I've had a lot of neighbors come and go like I came and went.

One of these was a very loud family. They had a couple of kids and they screamed a lot. The wife screamed bloody murder at the kids all the time. The husband fought with the wife constantly. You'd hear him yelling "You black ass bitch!" and "You brown ass bitch!". They were both black. They had a dog and they kept her locked in the kitchen when they went to work. So I couldn't go out on the deck or she would bark nonstop until I went in.

Anyway, they had a tendency to keep the TV on loud in the room who's wall was next to mine. So I got used to it even if it annoyed me. Well one day I hear Denzel Washington's voice blasting through the wall louder than anything else they had ever had on in there. We are talking volume up to 11. It was Training Day.

They must have done the 24 hour PPV or something and then left it running while they were away. Because it played over and over again for 24 hours. All day and night.

It was like that scene in Welcome to the NHK where that guy has that anime waifu song playing over and over again for days and Satou starts to wonder if the guy in the apartment is dead.

I had like nothing to do that day so there I was listening to Training Day over and over because I couldn't escape how loud it was. I must have memorized the whole film script. It was unbelievable. I never actually watched the movie normally. After that incident I just never wanted to deal with Training Day again.

So my sister had a boyfriend who I think had FAS. I heard stories that his mom drank through the pregnancy. He was about as dumb as you could get without being retarded. He was also really crooked but in an exceptional way that made everything he tried to pull off look like a comedy skit.

One day the Training Day neighbor's bike went missing off his porch. It was a pretty expensive bike too. In that neighborhood it wasn't uncommon to have your bike stolen. So I figured it was just one of those bad neighborhood things you gotta deal with.

Well a bike appeared on our porch a few days later. It looked a lot like the neighbor's bike too. My sister's boyfriend had stolen the bike then in all his full retard glory decided to park it on our porch. The guy comes out, sees his bike on our porch and immediately realises what's up because he hated my sister's boyfriend and didn't trust him at all.

So he asks him what he's doing with the bike and the dumbass actually tries to pass it off as his own.

Of course Training Day isn't buying this at all. He knows damn well that's his bike and he's gonna kick exceptional thief's ass for taking it. But my mom smoothed things over because she didn't want the cops to come.

I think Training Day knew that my sister's boyfriend was as dumb as dirt. So he didn't take things any further. But you've got to be pretty damn exceptional to steal your girlfriend's neighbor's bike then ride it to her house and park it on her porch. I really don't think he put two and two together at all.

 

[300mm]

When I was younger, I was riding my bike around the block as I often did. As I was on my way back to my house, I stopped to look at the house next to mine that a friend use to live in. I looked up at the second story, feeling nostalgic, when all of a sudden a fucking hammer crashes through the window and lands down on the gravel driveway. Someone inside the house must have thrown it, though for what reason is anyone's guess. It was so bizarre I still, to this day, don't know if it actually happened or not.

 

[Tootsie Bear]

When I was younger, I was riding my bike around the block as I often did. As I was on my way back to my house, I stopped to look at the house next to mine that a friend use to live in. I looked up at the second story, feeling nostalgic, when all of a sudden a fucking hammer crashes through the window and lands down on the gravel driveway. Someone inside the house must have thrown it, though for what reason is anyone's guess. It was so bizarre I still, to this day, don't know if it actually happened or not.

Man, that sounds perfect for a scene from Nightmare on Elm Street. You're out riding your bike, which you did with your friend and former neighbor, then you pull up next to his old house, and reflect on good times. Then... All of sudden a hammer comes out of the window, shattering glass all over the place, then you race off! Hammers, nails, and what not are shooting all around you as you race home, but your former neighbors house stretches for miles on all sides of you, then you crash into the front door and into Freddy's haunted home. That's when you hear Freddy laughing as the door slams shut!

One night, after stumbling upon a site which allowed me to play Number Munchers, I started to hear this loud annoying whimpering as I played this game. For awhile the cries continued as I heard my neighbors shouting out in anger as the crying suddenly ceased!

Turns out my neighbors adult daughter, who was visiting, brought along her small companion dog with her. Unfortunately her parents two big guard dogs attacked it and ultimately killed it.

They ended up having to purchase another dog for her, and now I usually see her mom walking it around the neighborhood and watching it as it uses the bathroom just in case they don't have a repeat case of the previous attack.

 

[ES 148]

Before I graduated college, every house bar one on my street had changed owners due to a death (either of the owner, or of someone related to the owner). The one exception was an old woman who moved to a nursing home, and then died a few weeks later.

As you can tell, my street was full of old people and as such I don't really have many wacky stories.

 

[Big Nasty]

The most lolcow neighbours I've ever had was when I lived next door to a gypsy family. They fixed their broken windows with duct tape.

 

[Chaos Theorist]

One of my neighbours was a convicted pedophile who killed a teenage girl who was the sister of some of my classmates from school.
One of my neighbours was recording another of my neighbours including her kids and confused me and my neighbour and called me a nonce to my mother's face (To be fair I was a huge sperglord who spends his days playing vidya and watching Cartoon Network and Jetix all day)

 

[Staffy]

When I was a kid some neighbor just got really angry that he went up his terrace and threw a mug onto the road.

 

[Nekromantik]

So I have 2 stories from the place we used to live in.

Our neighbor right next to us was a college girl living with her mom. She had crazy danger hair, a ton of trendy tattoos and two dogs that wouldn't shut up (one that was so aggressive it needed a muzzle to go outside). One day while I was making dinner I hear a fire alarm going off. I look outside and see smoke coming out of the neighbor's patio. I run to get the phone and call 911 because it's a lot of smoke. We don't hear the dogs or anything so we think the worst has happened and everyone passed out because of smoke inhalation.

The firefighters come and kick the door down only to thankfully find the apartment empty and the cause of the fire a pot on the stove. While this is happening danger hair comes walking up the walkway from the pool. She had left the pot on the stove and forgot about it than went swimming for a few hours. Her reaction to this was, Opps.


The second story takes place on the last day that we lived there. I was in the bed room getting it clean after we had packed ever thing up when my husband comes in with lunch and says, "The cops are outside." What, why are the cops outside? I look out and sure enough there are cops heading up to the apartment above us. At this point in the move I don't care because I just want to get this shit done and get to our new place. I go out a while later to pack up the last of our stuff in the van, the cops had left so I didn't think what happened was that serious. I see this big Hispanic guy, he looks cochino as fuck but has a hipster man bun and is talking to I guess girlfriend. They're the upstairs neighbors and he apologizing to her up and down about what ever fight they had. The only part I heard was when he told her, "You know I love you, baby." in the most white trash sounding voice I've heard in a while. They dive off and I just happen to look up and see the upstairs door.

This guy in an attempt to win back his whale girlfriend after a fight had taken a small pocket knife and peeled the top lair of paint off the door in the shape of hearts and I love yous, all over the door. The really sad thing was not two months earlier the apartment complex had had all the doors repainted. So much for that I guess.

 

[Trans Fat 41g]

At some point during my tenth year of high school I had moved to a street closer to it, it was on a turnpike so it didn't have that thru-traffic rule. Either way so basically there are these hick jobs across the way who live in a trashed house, I mean a really filthy pigsty with their kid. The dad was some janky looking speed head and the mom was one of those fat red sweater wearing blobs you would find hanging out from behind the bar.

I didn't witness much other than the man nearly backing his car into his hambeast of a wife and cussing her out in front of everyone. On the other side of the horseshoe there was this Hispanic jughead I'd pass by on my walking routines who seemed a bit dull for his age and one day I seen him drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels at like 10AM. I didn't ask any questions. We hadn't kept contact for a while and for some goddamn reason he vanished for a bit: according to another resident the kid was arrested for attacking someone with a skateboard because they told him to fuck off. An exceptional individual who would hang out with a local war vet ended up stealing money from said veteran and tried to pull a fast one with his truck.

 

[Somar]

This one time, my neighbor's son called 911, just because his older sister wouldn't make him a sandwich for lunch.

 

[IV 445]

tfw you are the wacky neighbor

 

[Kari Kamiya]

I don't really have a lot of wacky stories as it's possible I'm the wacky neighbor, but in my childhood neighborhood, my twin brothers used to hang out with some Hispanic kid from school who happened to live just down the block. We weren't exactly free-range children, but we still went over to people's houses if we knew them from church or school and we were just bored that weekend. But anyway, Mom wasn't all that happy with the family as the single mother seemingly had like multiple boyfriends going in-and-out and her kids were typically left on their own, but the Hispanic kid would drop by on a whim to play with my brothers (or at least gyp them from their video games, I dunno), so she put up with him for a while. (It was also around the same time another group of boys would come by to hang out mostly for Pokémon-related stuff, though the eldest was great at tinkering and fixing things. In hindsight, I wonder if it was to get away from their stay-at-home dad as he was a creeper who gave off "I do stuff to women in my spare time" vibes.)

Then one day, the twins hadn't come home when they were supposed to and it was late-afternoon. I didn't play with the kid, but I luckily knew where the house was, so I led my mom over to go pick them up. As it turned out the mother and her kids had gone out someplace and the boys were left alone in their backyard. The gate wasn't locked, so Mom stormed in to drag them out and that "friendship"/"play date" was immediately severed.

We also lived right next to a rental home, so several families moved in and out while we were there. I only went in the house like once or twice (I was introduced to Mortal Kombat and Grand Theft Auto then, and one or two of the siblings was also into Pokémon, mostly the cards) as the particular family was nice and tolerable and Mom liked them more than the others. I say that as my mom is/was the kind of person who'd call the cops on neighbors if they're too loud, and so that house was like a personal hell for her and partially was why she wanted to move. And so far, outside of a Mexican family down the road sometimes throwing a party and their cars/trucks clogging up the street, and burglaries a few years back, it's been pretty good.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

We didn't have neighbors growing up, but when I moved away from home to the city, I got some neighbors. I made friends with most of my neighbours in the first apartment I ever lived in, but I am still friends with one woman to this day. My story involves this woman's husband, they were a young couple with a kid ( ages 25 and 29). They were struggling, both were in school, but I became great friends with both of them. On the weekends, my female friend and I used to sit outside on the terrace and watch her baby play, and her husband would stay inside. After a few months of this, I noticed that a young man 17-18 would come and visit my friend's husband while we were outside watching her baby play. It was explained to me that the young man that visited her husband was a nephew that came over to visit his uncle (my friend's husband). I always had a feeling that something was off, but it was not my place to say anything.

One weekend, while this guy's nephew was over, my girlfriend went to the grocery store to buy party supplies for her baby's birthday, which was going to be the following Monday. Intuition was telling me something was wrong, so I grab the key from under the mat of my friend's apartment, let myself in. Everything was dark, and I remember my feet touching a bunch of men's clothing, like everything; underwear, pants, shirts, shoes, so I proceed on.
I could hear moaning coming from my friend's husband and this other guy in the kitchen, so I took the clothes outside and threw them off the terrace. I drive to the groccery store, tell my friend to come home quick, and we both sneak back into the apartment and catch these bastards in the act. I didn't tell my friend what was going on because I knew she would make a scene and give them a chance to do something like get away.

So, we find these two perverts practically inside of each other on the kitchen floor.
My friend got a pellet gun that was locked away under the sink, shoots her husband literally in the dick. The husband's lover was chased out of the house with those small metal pellets being shot into his back. My friend's husband goes to the hospital and claims he did it to himself, then my friend files for divorce, and we found out that the 17-18 year old male lover had a long criminal record for prostitution.
She also got herself tested for STDs

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I know for a fact that I'm the weird neighbor.
Our neighbor to the right is a shrieking hambeast that we call Troll Lady, but she's not wacky as much as she's a cunt who lets her little dogs shit all over our yard. Our neighbors to the left are a chill family with a couple of kids, but it sucks when the parent's friends come over. They get super drunk and listen to gangster rap in the backyard, which is right by my room. So when those friends are over I get to listen to loud swearing, projectile vomiting, fights almost breaking out because the drunk asshole guy decided some other drunk guy put his wallet in beer. (He didn't)
Another family lived there a long time ago who had a kid, maybe 6 or 7 who liked talking about killing people.

 

[UncleFezziesPantsPuppet]

Whilst in Your Pueblo, I heard of a shooting that happened because one neighbor was getting sick of the other because of loud noise, so he shot him. Then himself. Pretty fucking wacky.

 

[DatBepisTho]

Not my neighbors, but I rent my place from a landlord and her now deceased mother lived here before me. Ive been finding Polaroids, correspondence, clippings, and court documents from when she lived in California. And Buddy, this lady had neighbors from hell.

Spoiler: Tales from the rent house storage

Animal shit smeared or thrown on the car+house, firecrackers in glass jars to create alarming sounds and shrapnel, blocking the driveway and badgering, supposed b&e stealing sick veteran husband's guns, verbal harassment any time neighbors spotted family outside on their own porch or windows were open, leaving a running lawnmower right up against fence closest to open windows in the summer, neighbors' teen son threatening sick old veteran then crying to cops that the old man beat his ass, countless witness statements from friends, family and other neighbors present, copies of police files, copies of typed letters to news papers about how police did nothing to solve the issue or even issue warnings to said neighbors.

No wonder the old lady nailed every window in the house shut and covered them with reflective film and wall paper, had cameras everywhere, and like six locks on all of the doors leading outside.

-Ironically, all this shit is stuffed inside of a ratty, 80s era strawberry shortcake folder. It's almost like she took it out and went over it every so often. Landlord took it and some of the photo albums before I thought to scan and share part here.

Spoiler: Bepis Neighbor stories

Edit-I lived in a 90s housing edition so there were neighbors on all sides save for directly behind us, which was a creek and pasture land. I had a neighbor on one side whose rotweiler got out and terrorized the neighborhood, tore up other dogs and got into our yard and ate my pet rabbits. Imagine being seven and finding bits of shredded Holland lop everywhere for days on summer break.
One of the rabbits I gave to my friend was also shredded and we buried all the pieces we could find in a plastic bag, behind my house in what used to be a garden.

Another neighbor, just across the narrow street from my house, shot my cat in the face with a bbgun and I did my best to get that prick sent to Juvie despite my other neighbor and friend thinking he was cool. I remember the first time I got my mouth washed out with soap was because I told him to fuck off while flipping him off on the way home from school. Like a little bitch he tattled to my mom. Dude was like five years older and constantly picked on littler kids. He finally got sent to Juvie for unrelated offenses, tho, so fuck 'em.

Also, the people behind the nextdoor neighbors/my friend claimed I got into their yard and killed their rabbit, when they left the hutch directly in the summer sun; in a state known for 100+ degree summers. Still don't know why I was the scapegoat for that one, but I was never punished for it and their kids still came over to play up until they moved.

 

[NotoriousD]

I don't have much in the way of stories, but a few addresses ago I lived next door to a small family that was full on drug addled angry all the time. Most of the time the father and mother of the family would fight every fucking single day. And I mean like, they'd go out into the fucking front yard and start screaming at each other. The father was the loudest though. Somehow he could turn his voice up to a raging screaming pitch, and almost every day he would go out into the front yard and have a shouting match with his wife or scream like a maniac at his kids.

I barely talked to him because he was fucked in the head. One time he started shit with some neighbors across the street, and while he had some muscle on him, he literally chose to rush in screaming at them on their property when he had friends over, and they all ganged up on him and beat his ass. Next few days he's walking around with sunglasses and an arm sling on meek as shit, avoiding everyone, then soon goes back to drug addled rage mode again.

The one time I really tried talking to him when he wasn't completely calm, all I did was tell him to chill, relax, and have a great day and he yells across the way to me from his lawn "YOU THINK YOU'RE FUCKING FUNNY?! COME OVER HERE AND SAY THAT SHIT!", he was so fucking out of his gourd his wife had to scream at him that he didn't even hear me properly, and when he realized that he shut up about it and left me alone.

They were both on drugs almost all the time though, I'm sure of that. My bedroom also happened to be positioned closest to their house in my apartment, so almost every day I'd wake up to them screaming like insane asylum inmates at each other. Myself and none of the neighbors ever bothered with them directly though.

 

[ForgedBlades]

Not really wacky, but one of the handful of shitty one bedroom apartments I've lived in had this retired couple below me.

They were ALWAYS sitting outside on their porch (or whatever you call the concrete pad outside the sliding door of a shitty apartment), and they ALWAYS wanted to engage in a lengthy conversation when I walked by. And I had to walk by them every single time I left or came home. They were really nice and friendly, but even someone who was outgoing and sociable would find it tedious, and I am the polar opposite of outgoing and sociable, so you can imagine how much I dreaded it.

 

[RunRufusRun]

Had a few wacky neighbors.

Growing up the lady to the east of us was crazy. She had a bullet in her head,which caused her left eye to roll back in her skull. Seems a few years before I was born she came home early from work. Caught her husband in bed with some woman. Husband pulled a gun on Crazy Neighbor,I will call her one eye Edda. Edda whips out the pistol she always carried. Both fire. Edda takes on in the head and her husband gets shot in the throat and dies. Edda gets off with self defense.

As I got older Edda go remarried. And she had a bad habit of around lunch time going out ahd raking all her leaves up. Putting the pile of leaves on fire,then going back into her home nad taking a nap. So usually 2 or 3 times a year I would get home from school and half my yard would be burnt up from Edda leaves fire spreading.

She would also call the cops on any of hte neighbors for stupid reasons. One 4th of July night I was in the back yard shooting bottle rockets at some buddys past my back fence. And they were shooting bottle rockets back at me.

Around 11pm I go inside and the phone rings. I answer and it is Edda "I called the cops on you. I know you were trying to set my roof on fire with your firecrackers." I told her "Shut up you one eyed bitch you got a tin roof." and hung up.

Skip ahead a few years. We were all old enough to drive and in high school but none of us had a car. So that weekend we had gotten permission from the church that owned the woods behind my house,told the church we were gonna go camping out there. Just an excuse for a bunch of us to hang out all night drinking cheap beer and smoking pot and cigs. I even ran a long extension cord from the workshop on the back acre of our land so we could have a CD player.

It was getting late,a buddy that was out there with us his older grown brother walked out to check on us. When we hear "Yall NIgga punks need to shut up and go home" We look and Edda and he 300lb son Clark are at the fence. The older brother yells back at them "Fuck off Clark. Go back to cornholeing your one eye mammy."

Then I hear a shotgun being racked. Took off running into the woods. We all scattered. Heard 4 shots go off. Then I hear my mother at our back fence yelling for all us to come onto the property and She yells at Clark "I'm calling the cops."

Myself and 2 buddies ended up pressing charges on Clark. Since we never actually saw the shotgun in his hands or his mothers we couldn't get him for shooting in the general direction of a group of teens. But in the state I lived in back then had a law on the books about using profanity around minors. We had enough people that said they heard Clark cussing us that he get fined for that.

Well since Clark never worked this meant his mother had to pay the fines. She got pissed. So pressed charges on myself ,the two other kids that went to court,the older brother that cussed out Clark and the 30 year old neighbor that had come out when he heard the gun shots and cussed out Clark. She pressed charges at Juvie hall on us.

Months before all this one night after One Eyed Edda had burnt my yard we decided to get back at her. We took a bunch of playdough. Made big dicks out of it. Then late one night snuck into Edda's yard and taped them to the ceramic deer she had. The next day as we all walked to the end of hte street to catch the bus Edda was in her yard yelling at us and shaking one of these foot long playdough dicks at us.

Seems that crusty old cunt had saved one of these playdough dicks. So when we all get called into Juvie Hall,well all of us besides the older brother and the 30 year old since ya know they arent juviniles,the guy investigating the case has the blue playdough dick on the desk. I was the one that made them. And we each get told that there is a solid fingerprint on the dick and we are getting finger printed.

I ended up being put on JD probation for 2 months. Had a curfew and all that shit.

So I waited 4 months. Till I knew Edda and her lardass son were gonna be gone a week. Took a pile of shrimp hulls and stuffed her mailbox and paperbox with them.

Then took roofing tacks and spread those all over her shell drive way.

Been close to 30 years since I lived out that way. But was told by a buddy that still lives out there that Edda around 2009 went nuts. Was found driving down the center of the main road out there,had no clue who she was. And she got put in a local old folks home. Clark died about 15 years ago. Heart attack.

In the late 90s for about 2 years as I got on my feet and started my career I lived in a huge trailer park that was behind a popular bar.

The place was owned by this old creepy guy that worked at a oil refinery. About every 7 weeks he would take a week or longer vacation and go to Florida. When he was gone a lady everybody knew as Drunken Trailer Park Lady Donna was n charge.

Donna lived in an old trailer,had no A/c. And this was Texas. She would start drinking when she got up at 6am to make her husband breakfast before he left for work. And she drank till she passed out most nights at 10pm. And all she drank was Milwakee's Best Light in a mug over ice. Donna couldn't drive and most weekends her husband would go up to a nearby lake to fish. On average she drank a case of beer each day. But i he was gone she drank even more. Before he left on Friday he would buy her 3 cases of beer to last her till he was back on Monday. Normally by noon Saturday she would be out. So she would call my house. Offer to give me 5 bucks and buy me a pack of cigs if I would goto the nearby liquor store and get her beer.

Well one night a new couple that was two lots from me got into a big argument. The wife ended up chasing the husband up the main road in the park. Swinging at him with a baseball bat. He was yelling and hollaing. So the cops get called. Well the husband had stopped in the lot next to Drunken Donna's place. It was 10pm and Donna's husband was gone fishing. So she was loaded. She had a bb gun pistol she kept by her back door to shoot cats with. This thing looks like a fucking glock.

Cops pull up see the husband and park. Donna hears all this noise walks out on her back porch ,bb pistol in hand. Starts waving the pistol around yelling "FUCKING BUNCH OF FUCKING LOAD FUCKS I AM GONNA SHOOT ALL OF YOU!"

Which causes the cops to turn towards her see the pistol and they all draw their guns. Thankfully the husband tells the cops it is a bb gun. One cop yells for donna to put the gun down "And go back in your home". Donna bends over to put the gun on the porch. Falls and lands on her ass. Lets out a loud fart and yells "WELL DAMN IT NOW I POOPED MY PANTS"

Thankfully all this noise had woke up Donna's son. Who stumbles out and gets his drunk and shitty pants mother to come inside.

Right before I moved Donna was up to a case and a half of beer each day. But her husband would only buy her a case a day. I was packing my stuff in my car ready too get out of this trailer park from hell. When I see Donna whizz buy in a go cart.

Seems one of the neighbors by Donna had got a go cart for their kid. And was dumb enough to leave the keys in it. So drunk Donna out of beer and knowing it would be hours before her husband or son got home,stole the go cart and rode it up to the liquor store.

And one final wacky neighbor story for the night.

I currently live on a private lake. got 5 acres with water on three sides of my property.

On afternoons/evenings when it is nice outside I will go sit on the pier,smoke a bowl and read for a bit.

Few years back I was out there reading and doing some video editing work. And kept hearing a chainsaw. Now normally out here hearing a chainsaw is nothing out of the ordinary. But this one was close and making this odd whistle.

I got up and was walking around the end of the pier trying to see where the noise was coming from. Then see my nearest neighbor,who by water is4 minutes away by land is 15 minutes away. He is on his dock. All he has on is a pair of cut offs,a old ass pair of reebok hightops and a skoal hat. He is swinging his chainsaw all over . Looking a bit like the dance Leatherface does at the end of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacrre.

I got a short video clip of this. And until he moved this neighbor was known by everyone on the lake as Leatherface.

Hate that he moved. Dude was fairly quiet and was always willing to come help out wiht stuff if we needed an extra hand. He sold his place to a couple that have 4 kids that scream everything. And the couple loves to sit on their dock blasting at loud volume whatever the newest "country" hits are. Shit like florida georgia line and other tripe like that.