True & Authentic life advice for Kat

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Learn to cook.

So far we haven't seen any real ability at it and cooking isn't a talent, it's something you practice.

With Phil he's never going to make you a meal (outside his diabetes sauce) and you'll be eating out a lot, most of it junk food.

That means when you have a chance to make something healthy it's important to at least try to not eat trash. Plus, cooking can be fun and if you're in charge of a meal you might as well enjoy trying new things.

Also, you can find lots of cooking classes pretty cheap, maybe 40 dollars for a couple hour make and eat class. It'll get you out of the house doing something fun that also let's you learn new ways of making food that's not the crock pot or burgers.
 
No matter how hard he tries to make life for you, DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR JOB. Always have a source of income that is not his and do not share it with him.

Freeze your credit. He is not financially trustworthy.

If you have any sort of health insurance, figure out what counselling/therapy it covers and get yourself some. Pay what you can to get decent therapy. You have an abusive past and you really, really need to break the cycle of low self esteem and further abuse before you look back and realise scumbags stole your life.

Keep out of his content as much as possible.

If you have a vehicle of your own, stash a go bag in it. Secure all your important documents. Make sure if you need or want to bail on him at five minutes notice, that you can do so.

DON'T GIVE UP WORK. Steady income of your own is the key to making sure you can walk out of this relationship when it gets proper shitty.

Get a form of birth control he can't tamper with. The implant, Mirena, something he can't fuck with. Never trust anyone else, let alone someone desperate, with your fertility. Again, see what your insurance will cover.

Keep your eyes peeled for roomshares that are affordable and near your work. You do not have to live with him.

Don't spend a brass penny on his bills. All household expenses, includimg food, are a strict fifty fifty split. This guy is a fucking user.
 
I'll try not to get too feelsy here, but Kat if you ever read this, my advice is to think only about yourself here.

I think when people get into their 30's they start to feel guilty about their life if it isn't picture perfect white picket fence shit. Say that it isn't going well financially or they got in a bad scenario, they have some sort of addiction etc.. And I feel at that point people think it's over as you're already starting to show age and you think you can't change at all.

You can.

Kat, you do not deserve Phil. Phil is never a punishment for anything you could've done. If you happened to be in a relationship with someone who treated you badly before, just know it doesn't have to be the bottom of the barrel that you go towards next. You don't have to be with him.

All Phil is doing is buttering you up. He doesn't care about your well-being. If you don't believe me I suggest you look up Leanna's (his old girlfriend's) hospital stay story. It tells you everything you need to know about him) Look at some old videos with his girlfriend. Compare how he's treating you to her. It's hard. I know, but please take a look. He treats her like a trophy because that's all she meant to him and that's the same for you.

What does he offer you? Ask that question. You obviously look uncomfortable near him. So ask yourself; Why are you still here? A relationship is about love, yes, but you should also think about this in the long run. Ask yourself the hard questions. Do you REALLY see yourself being with this man in the next 10 years? 20? 30? Is he going to help provide for you if something happens? Do you really see him wanting to spend money on you? Not for small gifts, but if something serious happens or maybe he just wants to surprise you?

Phil is not financially stable. He has used his own friends, family, and even his old girlfriend to make short term cash. He's unable to see the long run. And in that case, you need to make sure you do not end up financially tied to him because once that gravy train ends, he's dragging you down with him.

Many other people on this thread have already stated the basics; get a job, keep a private safe in a place Phil can't find, make a separate account etc. My advice is going to be to just think about the long run.

Think about if you really know he won't drop your ass as soon as you stop cleaning and cooking for him. Think about if he really loves you or he's just trying to show you off. Think about if he really cares about giving you the best life possible. And lastly think about how this will ultimately affect you and NO ONE ELSE.

Telling by your body language, you probably know the answer.
 
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