(Authors notes: I spent several hours on this, editing, revising, grammar checking and even refreshing some creative writing classes to make sure it read like a proper novel. I hope you like it)
Simulation after simulation had been run, and the blue coated drake was finally satisfied.
In two hundred scenarios, the Behemoth was victorious one hundred and ninety-five times against the armed cargo vessel, Neheleim.
The goal was simple, the Behemoth would shock the hull of the Neheleim, then the captain and two officers in power suits would blast the hatch of the target vessel.
In forty seconds, Ezrael would overpower and dispatch the crew, then plug in the slave drive to take command of the cargo ship. It was a clean, neat operation. With the Behemoths auto pilot programmed for the battle schematic, the only variables were potential detonation of cargo and notable resistance inside, but with such a small ship, the crew compliment would likely be no more than five, a joke to an augmented drake in a power suit, let alone two others.
Aeryn had done his job. All that was left was for the mission to play out. So why was he so distracted? It was a near-foolproof battle plan, and that vessel would net them hundreds of thousands in credits when it was delivered, credits that meant Aeryn could spend leisure time in a massage spa, or have a professional coat grooming, hell he'd even have the currency to upgrade his terrain vehicle. So, why was he so unenthusiastic?
As he dwelled on his thoughts, Aeryn removed the cups on each fingertip, then the straps that connected a wire to the cups on each knuckle, finally removing the wrist links and setting them aside, neatly. He was a very methodical drake and he had an eidetic memory, which came in very useful in his line of work. Unfortunately, that same memory often created moments where he'd zone out, reliving past memories and traumas.
After stripping off the other electronic pads from his chest, he disengaged the helmet from it’s power source, removing the blue-visored apparatus and setting it aside with the other components. Finally free from the technological equipment, he slouched in his chair, sliding halfway down the seat until knees bruised against the underside of his small desk. Tomorrow, it would go flawlessly, he was sure...yet...
"Don't go-"
Aeryn's mind began to wander as surely as his hands had found his mane and combed short, neat claws through it.
"Can't you just let me love you?" The memory echoed so clearly in his mind.
He shut his eyes tighter and shook his head violently--a trait he'd picked up from years of lucid dreams and nightmares, it was what he did to attempt to violently shake the thoughts or images from his mind. Usually, it worked. In dreams, it never failed. But using a trick from the subconscious in the real world wasn’t always such a success.
He held his arms draped over his head, claws clinging to his hair in near-fists for what felt like an eternity. What could he do? Surely, the drake couldn't avoid the issue forever? After all, wasn’t this what he'd dreamt of for so long?
"Yes. And that is what terrifies me." He thought to himself, kicking his paws against the floor to roll the chair back, slowly slithering out of it and onto his feet. The behemoth was under thrust and had been for several days now, which meant the glory of gravity for the crew. If it hadn't been for such a good paying job, they'd likely still have been drifting along at minimal speed, surveying asteroids in the belt for useful metals.
As luck had it though, they were sent a job offer on their digital sea network, and the behemoth picked it up. Five hundred thousand credits per crewman to eliminate the crew of an armed cargo vessel carrying high yield explosives. War was always profitable like that, and the behemoth often was hired for jobs from warring planets or nations, this one was nothing new for them.
The weapons onboard mildly interested their captain though, as a former soldier, Ezrael had a deep fascination for weapons of war and she never passed an opportunity to scan the latest technology. Her fee for the mission was nothing so primitive as currency, merely a single head of one of the torpedos in the ship manifest. They were rumored to be a very dangerous new weapon, the type thats impact created gravity resistant zones on planets. The weapons would decimate a populations ability to exist in a strike zone, as it destroyed the natural magnetics of any world they were targeted to.
That was all fine and interesting for their captain, but Aeryn was a tech. His interest in weapons was something darker. He only wanted to know if he could control them, and how difficult it would be. Hacking technology and implanting viruses was his specialty. But even that didn't interest him lately.
He'd worked so hard in the last few cycles to find the Behemoth, then harder to convince the insane captain to let him join the band of misfits that was her crew. Years of self imposed isolation prior had put Aeryn's mind in a dark and unstable place, so being among his own kind again was indeed a blessing.
Yet, there was never comfort. Never solace. The only member of the crew that knew Aeryn was a defect, was the captain.
And Ezrael had said this when they met, "Whatever your defects may be, if you can do your job quickly and efficiently, then you can stay. But it would be in your best interest to not allow the others to learn of your condition. Even among augments and felons and ex soldiers, you’re still something our kind despises. I cannot and will not be responsible for your safety."
Aeryn had asked what gave him away, he thought after so many years his disguise was perfect. Ezrael had simply smiled. "Well either you’re an androgyn, or you have the smallest set of orbs of any male I've ever seen." The cruel and dark humored captain cackled at Aeryns disturbed expression.
"How you survived maturation is very interesting to me, you should tell me that story sometime. Over drinks, certainly."
Ezrael had waved a palm dismissively and on that day Aeryn was hired. It had been well over a full cycle since then and Aeryn had assimilated into the crew quite nicely.
So, when a recipe for "Gleecian curative for intense Ombrophobia" appeared in the ships database, everyone onboard assumed that Aeryn had a phobia of rain due to the harsh planetoid he lived on for numerous cycles. In reality, the curative he took once a week was a scent modifier created back on Emain, for androgyns like himself, to mask the female scent they produced.
Up until now, he'd lived this lifestyle and played, mostly, by it’s rules. No long term commitments, no attachments, no one to come home to.
And he'd learned his lesson long ago, trying to be attached to any other drake, it only brought him pain. A few years prior, Aeryn had imprinted on a male drake. The pain his betrayal had brought him was almost enough to end Aeryns life.
Somehow though, he'd survived. Clinging to life after being broken down and abused in the most cruel fashion by another drake he'd fully trusted, he found the power,-the spite-to carry on.
The scars it had left on his mind however, were not so easily erased. The dreams, the nightmares, still haunted him. Tormented him. They hadn't ebbed with time, that wasn’t how trauma worked. It clung to him like the sticky web of some alien arachnid, refusing to let go. If he was lucky, he'd have moments of calm between.
On a semi-recent shore leave, they'd met a few drakes from a colony that had sprung up in the binary system they were currently in. It was a small solar system with two suns that orbited each other. One blue, one red. Only five planets in their system, none with rings or any such objects of interest. No stellar phenomenon to speak of, and a moderate asteroid belt containing trillions of tons of ice, rock and metals.
Aeryn had become "close" with one male in particular. He was beyond beautiful by drake standards, far more fetching than any simulated mate Aeryn had designed in the past. And he fancied himself a rather good coder and designer when it came to synthetic life forms.
Nothing beat the real thing though.
With eyes like an ocean covered with the thinnest layer or frost, and fur such a glossy, deep shade of grey blue, one could tell immediately he was of tropical origins. He had a smile that shown in his eyes, they crinkled in the corners when he meant it, and teeth so perfect and white that his smile was infectious as it was sincere. Aeryn was smitten long before he'd seen him take off his his shirt to reveal beautiful broken up stripes of pattern running vertically down his sides, his arms, his back. From the first moment he'd seen him, Aeryn hadn't wanted to be friends. He'd wanted something more, an attachment. There was a longing for this male to touch him. And Aeryn too wanted to feel his fur under the flesh of his own palms.
The blue furred drake had been standing, lost in thought. His own dominant hand was touching his face, as if it were the hand of the male he fantasized over.
For several weeks during his off hours, Aeryn would linger in the recreation center that the beautiful man frequented, and eventually he was caught staring.
Aeryn shook his head, trying to unclutter his mind but his thoughts drifted right back to that moment.
"You work out here a lot lately, I can't help but notice, officer-"
"Aeryn." He'd said, the flesh of his face and neck heating up rapidly, blood pumping to his face causing the white fur on his cheeks to become tinged in blue.
"Right, Aeryn," the beautiful male started, taking a moment to brush a loose lock of wavy mane from his face. He'd been working out quite heavily and strands of his hair had fallen from the tied up portion on the back of his neck. Aeryn couldn't help but stare as if he were the only water in a desert, as he moved the lock of deeply dark, shiny hair back behind a horn. "
"Would you like a workout partner? I just thought I'd ask before your eyes burned a hole through me." He chuckled, it was deep and masculine. Aeryn's face felt like it was on fire.
"That would be...acceptable," he blurted, trying his best not to sound like a stammering schoolgirl.
"Angelus"
Aeryn blinked, "huh?"
"My name," he said with a radiant smile. "It’s Angelus."
They'd worked out then gone for a run together and finally had cold, frothy drinks after. Aeryn had ordered a blissfully satisfying coffee, Angelus had ordered a variant of the same. Aeryn had taken the time to soak in the evening light of the red sun as the blue sun took over. The planet was arid, dry, only the hardiest of plant life survived. There was very minimal darkness, what with two suns.
They spoke for several hours, so long that the recreation center dimmed it’s lights to signal closing. Aeryn had found out he was also from the home world, a citizen, a builder, that he loved similar music and had the same food preferences and more interesting, a gyptian. Aeryn had never met one of them, though his existence on the homeworld was brief.
Angelus spoke of bright painted wagons and steeds and a traveling society of drakes who lived a nomadic life, like their Mistavian ancestors. It was almost magical to him, to think such beautiful cultures once existed on their now desolate world.
When they finally headed out it was Aeryn who became noticeably nervous. Remembering it now, in the safety of his own quarters, still made him uncomfortable.
As if detecting his new friends anxiety, Angelus was the first to speak.
"Look, I know it may be rough out here, our home gone, our people spread thin, but I just thought you should know...I, well, I'm not-"
"Please, don't." Aeryn had silenced him. "I-I don't feel comfortable here, can we go somewhere private? I'd like to explain, if at all possible."
After a brief pause, Angelus said, "Alright, follow me."
Angelus led them by foot to a long terminal in a tunnel where they sat inside of an egg-like apparatus which then was slingshot with powerful magnetics down the tunnels tube and into another complex of the colony. It appeared to be living quarters, they were each a brick shaped hut. Black on the outside, plain, nondescript, no windows and only a single door.
The egg stopped at the end of a stretch of grass and flowering plants to a glossy black brick like all the others.
"My cube," Angelus gestured, then after walking to the doorway he placed a palm on a scanner and the door slid open in a soft hiss, closing behind the two and repressurizing to a more drake friendly atmosphere within.
"I'm going to get something to eat, do you want anything?" Angelus had asked, but Aeryn stopped him.
Standing face to face the two males were similar in height, though Aeryn was slightly thinner in the shoulders, and wider in the hips. They were both clearly tropical, though Aeryn was much more blue, even his head mane was a dark indigo, a symbol of his proximity to Amanathine, and several inches shorter.
While Aeryn had white fur on his face and underbelly and a saddle of blue on his nose bridge, Angelus was a deep oceanic grey and his facial colors blended harmoniously into each other. A dark grey fading into a lighter. Aeryn had stripes around his throat that pointed toward his collar bones, and Angelus had a pattern only tropic drakes were born with. A series of vertical splotches running down his neck and fanning out toward his shoulders, then trailing down the arms to his wrists.
Oh how Aeryn wanted to mouth at those wrists... He shook his head and focused.
"I'd rather get this out of the way before it goes to far" he said, looking just slightly upward into deep blue pools. Beautiful. So dark, yet so light.
"Okay..." Angelus hesitated, feeling the beginnings of discomfort. Sure, he was bigger than this stranger, but Aeryn was an augment. Nothing could keep him from inflicting his will upon the bigger drake if he wanted and it made Angelus's stomach turn.
Aeryn lifted his own shirt and bit the hem in his muzzle, his abdomen of taut muscle and mixing short white and blue fur now exposed. He carefully undid the buckle on his pants and when Angelus began to look even more uncomfortable he only stared him in the eye as if to say "wait".
Aeryn sucked in a deep breath through his snout and tucked both thumbs into his pants and pulled them down, far enough that his pubic bone showed through his fur.
"You’re-" Angelus started, stopped, then started again, stammering briefly. "An-an-"
Aeryn nodded in silence, but the other male now curious took a step forward. His ears had perked forward in curiosity and without hesitating he pulled open Aeryns pants so he could look down into them and sure enough, there was no sheath. In fact his smooth and toned stomach rolled into a gentle and feminine pubic bone that dipped into the darkness of his pants, nothing outwardly "male" to be seen.
He let go of Aeryns pant line and furrowed his brow spots, "but you smell-"
"Like a man, yes. We take injections, those like us...to hide."
"But, you’re not-"
"Not quite anything, really."
"I think, we need something stronger than water" Angelus laughed, bowing his head and heading to the tiny kitchen where he pulled a dusty bottle with gold liquid from the back of a cupboard. "Much stronger," he poured two shot glasses worth and pushed one across a slim bar top lining the kitchen, toward Aeryn.
The flustered blue drake took the drink and opened his maw, tossing it back onto the flats of his tongue and swallowing it before tapping the glass once on the counter and setting it down again. Angelus refilled both of their drinks twice more before they spoke.
Having never seen a real androgyn in his life, he had been speechless, yet also an innocent curiosity had taken him. He asked questions about Aeryn's origin, how he survived the culling, how it had been just dumb luck that the government had spent so much on enhancing his embryo.
After some time though, their talking slowed, and finally one of them broke the silence.
"May I?" Asked Angelus, his voice had softened from the harsh masculinity he showed while they worked out. There was a hint of something more, lingering. Aeryn couldn't help allow himself to think in that moment that perhaps there was the smallest chance...
"You want to touch me?" Aeryn had asked, feeling his ears raise slightly, though mostly remaining in their neutral, cocked back position.
"I just, I've never met someone like you," he felt himself turn heated in the face. Perhaps from the alcohol or perhaps what he'd just asked his new friend. Aeryn stood, undoing his pants once more only this time Angelus had stopped him part way.
The slightly larger male undid the remainder of the buckle and let the two halves fall to the sides as he tugged the loose jumpsuit bottoms Aeryn wore down, and as he did he smoothly had run one large palm behind Aeryn's back, cradling him and hinting for the blue drake to lean back into his arm while the other arm slid down his front.
As the fingers touched the thinning fur on his stomach, Aeryn's muscles crawled and twitched. It had been so rare for him to be touched at all, that the sensation caused his fur and the flesh under to ripple from sheer sensitivity.
Before he knew what was happening, Angelus had nearly reached a kneel and Aeryn felt his shoulders bump the wall behind him. Partially drunk, partially embarrassed, he steadied himself with a palm against the wall and the other on the shoulder of the man who looked up at him with curiosity.
"I can smell you now," he said, almost as if it were a scientific discovery and Aeryn groaned in complaint. He felt his pants slide down his thighs and he knew before the air kissed his fur that he was exposed.
"Female," Angelus muttered, pawing a hand over the soft mound between Aeryn's legs, one sole digit passing between them to stroke and touch inquisitively.
"All female," he said again and Aeryn felt the warm breath from Angelus's snout on his groin.
There was a moment of readjusting both arms around Aeryn's back now, to cup what was entirely a females bottom, before a hot tongue pressed against his most sensitive areas.
"Ah-Gods-" Aeryn moaned, pawing helplessly at Angelus's mane as he felt his legs go limp, but all the gym time made the grey drake quite strong, and he effortlessly held up his new companion, nuzzling and lapping between Aeryn's legs until he had the other drake trembling and begging for more.
Aeryn was only allowed to briefly catch his breath before he was picked up and carried not to a bed, but the narrow sofa in Angelus's tiny living room. He laid not even for a second before the other male was atop him, pressing his own need for comfort and wants against him.
Reaching between his own legs Aeryn had torn the belt off of Angelus's pants and freed the rest of his body from his clothing. He hardly had a moment to enjoy how beautiful the other male was before being pinned down by his weight and kissed along his hollows and collar bone. The sweetest part that Aeryn would never forget, was the whimper the other man gave when he pressed the full length of himself against Aeryn's groin and stomach, begging without words to breed him.
And the softest touch of Aeryn's hand on his length let him know he was allowed.
Despite being drakes both, this was an unusual recreational session.
Aeryn had been showered in kisses, had his tongue sucked and embraced by the other male, his body stroked and caressed, even under his shirt he'd been touched. Angelus proved to be a gentler lover, taking care to please Aeryn as certainly as he pleased himself.
From then they were nearly inseparable. Anytime Aeryn docked at their colony, Angelus greeted him. Anytime he had shore leave, they spent time together. It was Angelus who acted first, despite the clear attraction Aeryn had from day one, he'd refused to push Angelus, not wanting others to potentially discover his deepest secret.
Angelus however, had long passed the desire for hiding his affections. Their first drunken night together had proved that.
As he learned more of Aeryn's story, he felt a deeper attraction and connection to this poor, lonely, fearful, yet brilliant drake.
It was Aeryn leaning into his hand when he'd cupped his face, aboard the Behemoth, that broke Angelus's willpower.
He leaned in and kissed Aeryn, the tines of his tongue brushing the front of his muzzle, seeking entry. Aeryn had turned a deep sapphire through the white of his checks and throat, but kissed back. From there it became a battle of wills. Aeryn's will stopping them both.
Angelus was willing to accept the aspects of Aeryn's body, but Aeryn wasn’t. While Angelus wanted to give him affection, it was Aeryn who constantly withdrew. They hadn't even managed to have sex since he'd come aboard, because Aeryn, in the moment, was too frightened to take his shirt off. Terrified the crew would find out.
There was also the matter of his unique physiology. Nude from the waist down he’d told Angelus that he could present as female this way, but the second his shirt was removed and his lack of feminine torso exposed, the fantasy would be ruined. Yet, they'd already coupled, several times in fact-though none since he'd come aboard. Aeryn acted as if it should bother Angelus, when it clearly did not.
And this was where they were at now.
For months they'd been seeing each other, Angelus had even joined the behemoth and stayed on, against Aeryn's protests.
Yet it seemed Aeryn was even more anxious than ever. They had to sneak around a ship with numerous other drakes to not be seen as gay, and as Aeryn's condition was a secret, it made matters far more complex.
If they were ever caught together, Aeryn would have to make a terrible choice. Either revealing what he was, or something far worse, breaking the most basic moral laws of their people and stating they were gay--a death sentence.
Paranoia and fear had saved them thus far, as you can't be caught together if you aren’t together.
But after weeks of cat and mouse and being avoided, Angelus finally cornered Aeryn in his room. Right after he'd finished programming tomorrow's mission into the ships A.I. database.
"This isn't a good time" Aeryn began, as he hit the auto lock on his door after Angelus walked in. "The mission, it’s tomorrow" the doors hissed shut, then a clank signaled the locking bolt.
"I know." He said, pulling his shirt off and backing Aeryn into his room until he fell into a seated position on his bunk. "I also know that your part is complete and that you have nothing to do for the next eighteen hours."
Aeryn's eyes fell upon the torso of the man he was so attracted to. Watched the muscles in his beautiful shoulders and chest twitch under the short grey fur as he leaned down to get into the bunk.
Angelus crawled up beside Aeryn and put his hand on one of his shoulders. "So I was thinking, how about you stop hiding from me."
"I'm not hiding." Aeryn said pointedly, turning his blue tipped muzzle toward Angelus. "I was.."
"Working, yes I know. Tell me, how is it working out for you?" It was a tease, but in a serious tone of voice. Aeryn's ears flattened slightly at the tone.
"Fin-" he began to answer but was interrupted.
"How about I tell you how it’s working for me." Angelus pulled Aeryn further into the bed then positioned himself laying on his side, propped up on an elbow, staring down at the slightly smaller, bluer drake. "Because I want to touch you Aeryn. I'm here /for you/. I'm the only one who knows what you are, who you are. When will you start trusting me? When will you just relax...and let me touch you?"
Aeryn stiffened reflexively. "It's just...I'm not-"
"I already know, and you know what Aeryn? I don't hate you for it. You don't disgust me, if you did...would I really still be here? Would I have left my colony-"
"Don't put that on me, I tried to say no."
"But that would have been a lie. It’s not what you wanted and you know it. You can't even honestly express your own selfish desires"
"I've heard this all before," muttered Aeryn, who had begun to feel quite defensive and was actively staring upward, avoiding eye contact.
"I know, and I'll never be able to prove otherwise...if you don't let me" his voice had gone soft, and he leaned over the other drake, nosing into one of Aeryn's hollows, the gap between jaw and throat. His tines flicked lightly on the exposed skin and he slowly rolled his body to be on top of Aeryn's.
Aeryn felt a tightness in his throat and he swallowed, trying to toughen up. "So it can happen again? I can't allow it. I can't let myself be thrown away again." He tried to put both hands on Angelus's sides and push him off, but it was half hearted. Angelus knew better. He knew if Aeryn wanted he could throw him across the room.
He sighed. He knew Aeryn had feelings for him, but he held back, he held back more than any one being should have to.
"You've been alone for so long Aeryn, just...let me hold you...so you can remember what it feels like."
"What, touch? I know that feel-"
"No." He interrupted, "being wanted."
"I don't-"
"Can't you just let yourself feel? Do I have to get you drunk to let your guard down..?"
The words stung more than they should have and Aeryn's knees raised instinctively, because he wanted to throw the other man off and roll away.
"Look at me," the grey drake said, his black mane free from the tie that usually held it, hanging down in waves to brush Aeryn's face.
There was a familiar burning in the back of Aeryn's eyes and he wanted to scream and shove the other man away. His tail bristled and bushed out defensively like an angry puppy or kitten.
"I can't." He thought to himself "if I do you'll see, you'll see me cry. I can't. I can't show these emotions" but Angelus was nearly as stubborn as he was and he forcibly took Aeryn's muzzle in his hand and turned his head to stare into one of the blue drakes eyes.
Tear filled eyes.
Angelus dipped his head down and kissed him, prying his larger tongue into Aeryn's mouth and forcing him to kiss back, even though he sobbed into the other drakes mouth he didn't stop the kiss.
When Aeryn had calmed down, Angelus simply stroked his hair and hugged him tightly.
"I won't go anywhere, I promise. It won't be like before, I wouldn't do that to you. I'd even be willing to bond to you, to prove it. You shouldn't be alone. We can find a way to make this work, and if anyone finds out then we will deal with it in time. But on alien worlds, on missions outside drake space, you don't have to hide. We can just be. Wouldn't you like that? To be able to hold my hand...where everyone can see?"
"The thought of being seen affectionate with another male should offend you, as a drake, deeply" Aeryn said, his tone had an attitude of disgust behind it.
"But you aren’t another male, you’re just...different. Even if people don't understand, who cares?"
"I do"
"Then tell me you don't want me to stay. Tell me you hate my touch. Tell me you don't fantasize every day about waking up with my naked fur pressed against yours."
Aeryn sighed. For a moment and in stubbornness, he almost did just that, but he held his tongue and said nothing. Even if he felt anger now, he knew Angelus was right. He did want those things, desperately. But to show that kind of weakness was...despicable.
"I offered a plan to your captain..."
Aeryn groaned and moved to sit up.
"There are double bunk rooms on this ship. I offered to share a room, with my "friend" Aeryn. Actually, Ezrael was quite agreeable. She said, "finally that bitch will get some.""
Angelus laughed and Aeryn looked mortified.
"Well I tried to play innocent, but your captain is too clever and found me out."
"Gods-What did you say to her?!"
"Nothing relevant. I didn't have to. It would seem", he smirked and leaned in, brushing his snout into Aeryn's neck. "That she smelled me, apparently all over you. Who would have thought Aeryn was so sentimental to keep my scent around so long-" he was practically grinning and Aeryn slapped both hands on his maw, shielding his smug smile while the poor drake felt himself burning with a full body blush.
"If you don't shut up I swear, I'll castrate you"
"No you wouldn't, you like them too much when they’re pressed against you"
The slap he received a microsecond later was one he deemed worth it. "Come on honey, don't you want to be my girlfriend?" He said, rubbing his cheek into Aeryn's chest and listening to his heart pound.
"I'm not a girl!" He practically shouted.
"You can be my girl, especially with what you have down here.."he jokingly patted Aeryn's lap, causing him to swat his hands and become more flustered.
Angelus practically sang, kissing at Aeryn's chest through his shirt. "Come on, after all these months...just say yes."
