Man, the site's been having a real rough go of it lately, hasn't it? I'm not much of an advertiser - in fact, I'd love to see everyone with a degree in marketing melted into a soup and fed to toothless pigs - but if you're capable of it,
now would be a good time to toss a coin or two to Null for his valiant efforts. (It also helps keep the site on the clearnet, which is a good thing techno-tards like myself.) But for now, the site seems relatively stable, so I bring to you a mega-haul that will hopefully provide some laughs in these trying times.
Eau de Manlette: A TiF is genuinely depressed because she doesn't stink as bad as other pooners. In fact, this is such a pressing concern for her that she forces her girlfriend to smell her out of a compulsive desire to reek of unwashed dong; because of just how overwhelming OP's obsession with odor is, her girlfriend now refuses to sniff her because such a request rarely ends in anything but tears. OP, if you really crave the distinctive scent of men's crotches, you could always wipe yourself down with a urinal cake - I hear
this is a common practice among doodz.
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And it's tearing me up inside. There is no faster way to get me to the brink of crying than to remind me of the fact. It feels so fundementaly violating that I didn't get one of changes from testosterone that's deemed so universal. I'm talking about overall and particularly genital smell.
I'd been on testosterone for 2 years, and met and started sleeping with my gf one year ago. I was on 125mg enanthate weekly injections, my trough total t was around 700ng/dl on that dose and i was on it since i met her up to about 4 months ago, when my dose was changed to 250mg every 2 weeks (basically same overall dose but trough was way lower 366ng/dl). I'm giving this context as to note my testosterone levels were adequate and it's not a dose or a lenght of time issue. The change in dose didn't affect my smell at all either.
When i started t, I did notice a change in genital scent that was quite noticable to me at the stary but sorta faded away, figured i just got used to the smell. It did become more musky, I did assume it smelled like cis male junk because people kept saying that's the expected effect. Also
to me it smells exactly like the toilet at my gym when I get sweaty, figured that was that. But I never smelled cis male genitals so I couldn't confirm it, until I met my gf who mostly slept with cis men. So last year during one sexual encounter ( I either asked her or she just noted it herself I don't remember)
she told me it smelled "a bit like a penis". And at another encounter ( I don't remember which one came first)
she said it smelled "unique" ( and that she liked it, which made me quite uncomfrotable).
This marked the beginning of my insecurity, and since then I'd asked her to smell me dozens of times. Her answears would only ever be that it smells "unique", "like sweat" or (only twice) " a bit like a penis".
It also spread to body smell because as it turns out I don't really have male typical pit smell either.
She's not transphobic,
she expected me to smell male herself and was surprised as well when I didn't really. She never made me feel ashamed of it herself, and
she tries to reasure me each time that it doesn't smell female. But still it doesn't smell male either. It makes my stomach drop every time i think about it. I'd ruined so many moments for myself because I remembered it.
She now refuses to smell me because she knows I'll get depressed over it.
I've not seen other guys online have this issue, so I truly don't know what to do about it. But it's really distressing and
I don't know if I can get over it
Not all who undergo testosterone treatment become olfactory nightmares; some, instead, embody the sin of lust, as is the case of this FTM who shamefully confesses that the only thing that arouses her anymore is porn so revolting that it leaves her sick with shame afterward. (Notably, OP does not specify what sort of porn that gets her macroclit a-quiverin'.) Posts like this are always a bit of a laugh if just because these people are always saying that HRT helps them live as their authentic selves; what if your authentic self just happens to be a spotty-skinned, balding pervert who gets off to shit even John Waters would find in poor taste?
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After being on testosterone for a few months, my libido is so high. It always was but now I need to watch different kinds of content to get off.
The regular videos dont do it for me anymore. I have to seek out more extreme videos, or watch fetishes that I don't even consider I have. I have to watch these videos to get off, and I don't even like to think about them when I'm done.
I hate the kinds of videos I have to watch now. I try to avoid it, but the sexual frustration kills me. When I do get off, I feel so sensitive afterward, and think about those videos and I feel disgusting. I hate it.
I feel like a horrible person. I hate these thoughts, I hate these fetishes, and I cant tell anyone about it.
Its nothing illegal, but its just humiliating. I'm so frustrated lately, frustrated with not being able to get off, and frustrated that I have to watch weird videos to get off. I'm a disgusting human being.
On the flipside, here's a man so deprived of testosterone he can now be bested in hand-to-hand combat by even the sickliest of infants, and because he associates weakness with womanhood OP sees this as evidence of an innately feminine countenance. So puzzling, isn't it, to live in a world where men now boast of fragility instead of strength?
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So, I’ve been on HRT for a few years now, and my testosterone levels are basically nonexistent. For quite some time, I’ve been climbing and going to the gym several times a week, and I feel much fitter than I used to.
The gym I go to offers a fitness assessment after your first five weeks of training and then every six months. They use a device to measure your strength for a few different muscle groups and compare it to the average for people of your age and gender, so you can see how strong you actually are in comparison.
It turns out I’m actually much weaker than the average woman in my age group.
So yeah,
apparently my “manly genes,” which are supposedly meant to make me so much stronger than any other woman and give me an unfair advantage, aren’t all that apparent after all.
After disowning his entire family for not adapting to his troonacy quickly enough, a TiM laments that of all the things he never was and never will be, it hurts the most knowing that he'll never be a "little sister"; to be denied this title is a rejection so agonizing, OP actually wishes his entire family was dead, longing for the "catharsis" of being "an orphan": "It's the thought that hurts, you know? That I could've been a little sister, my parents' daughter," he whines. "In my family's eyes, I'm always just going to be 'the freakish gay man that ran away' to everyone I had the misfortune of sharing a bloodline with." Given that OP sounds to be around 20-21 years old, there's still time for him to walk back being a dumbass, but it takes a brave man to admit when you've been wrong - and trannies are rarely brave enough to even admit to being men in the first place...
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I... I really wish I got to be someone's sister.
I had to cut my family off over 7 months ago, and for 2 years they refused to use my name and pronouns properly after I'd came out.
Sure, they would begrudgingly call me by my name when I made a real stink about it, but they NEVER called me by my name when they thought I couldn't hear. Rarely if ever gendered me properly, and ALWAYS kept making the same fucking excuse of 'we've known you for 18 years as 'deadname', give us some time.'
I gave them 2 years. 6 months should've been more than enough in my humble fucking opinion if you actually gave a damn about your child, and that last year before I finally cut ties only had our relationship devolve more and more. I... I just really miss having a brother and sister. I really wish I got to be their sister.
And, unfortunately, I know it can't be fixed by reaching out.
I did cut them off for more than just their blatant transphobia (who woulda thunk, transphobic assholes are also abusive?) but it still... it's the THOUGHT that hurts, you know? That I COULD'VE been a little sister, my parents' daughter. I fucking despise them, but I so desperately wish I could've been called that. Just once. And I don't even get the... maybe a twisted sort of way of thinking about it, but the catharsis that at least I'm an orphan (even though I effectively am one now).
It's just always going to be a pit in my heart about what could've been.
I'm damn confident in my womanhood nowadays, but I never got to be that in their eyes. In a family's eyes. I'm always just going to be 'the freakish gay man that ran away' to everyone I had the misfortune of sharing a bloodline with.
A transbian who's only interested in other transbians keeps encountering the same problem when shacking up with other shemales: they're all perverts you can clock as far as a country mile and the closest thing they have to a job is managing the menagerie of men they mutate monkeypox with. Sadly, it seems OP's dream hurl exists only in the realm of fantasy as he describes his ideal partner as one who works in a respectable field, doesn't require any sort of hand-holding and "doesn't want (me) to put them in a dog cage or whatever." Buddy, with a wish list like that you're better off trying to fuck a unicorn, and with the transgender track record associated with
My Little Pony I don't trust
any of you around anything remotely equine.
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I'm 20, I've been on hrt for a good few years, and I would want someone who is somewhat similar to me, that is, not babytrans (nothing wrong with being babytrans ofc I just prefer someone more settled in like me), and
I'm a lesbian, I feel like this reduces my dating pool down to like such a tiny tiny portion of people, there aren't that many lesbian women, and I hate to say it but I would prefer to date another trans woman, cis women atleast in the dating and sexual realm are foreign to me, seems like they are much, much harder to date.
And so
I keep running into this brick wall, I search as hard as I can on dating apps for months and months until I come across another bi or lesbian trans women who is within driving distance to me, that is already such a major fucking hurdle, and
then once I'm talking to them we run into the second hurdle which HAS NOT been crossed yet, which is that they have to be monogamous, and then you have the fucking third and fourth hurdles which are like, ideally be not just starting on hrt! this sucks so fucking much,
the worst one is when I meet a trans woman who is attractive, many years on hormones, nearby, interested in me, and then they're poly, it all feels so fucked and hopeless.
I hate to sound like a bigot and I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this because there isn't, but,
I just want a normal lesbian relationship, I just want another person who ideally is in education or working or something, someone who I don't have to baby and teach basic transition shit, someone who ideally passes, someone who doesn't want me to put them in a dog cage or whatever, someone who doesn't want to have multiple girlfriends that they can fuck. I just want to be normal.
Some prison gay princesses, though, are aware of how silly it is to describe dong-on-dong action as an act of lesbian sexuality, like this troon who admits it's "a sad parody of lesbianism" and how his last tranny-on-tranny experience felt as if all parties involved were just "coping." See, that's real funny and all, but I just feel like when you describe something as a 'parody' it has to have some sort of resemblance to what it's parodying... and I'm not sure how two chodes impotently clashing against one another invokes the spirit of Sappho herself at any point.
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to suck each other's cocks and say "we are having lesbian sex :3". I saw a post about frotting and i cant think about something more dysphoria inducing,
god it actually feels like a sad parody of lesbianism.
I know this is mega internaized transphobia, im not even hating on transbians here im talking about ME its my fault for being born with this thing.
I just remember when i was with this trans girl and in retrospetive it felt the opposite from reaffirming but just that we are both coping. OH AND SHE WANTED TO FROT TOO
But even if you give up the ghost of girldick and try to get yourself some bio-snatch, modern times have made transgenderism such a contentious topic that even those who went to trouble and had their meat minced can't munch on any muff. I love the confidence in which OP declares that because he has a horror-hole where once was a penis, "genital preference isn't a factor here"; I'm not the Lorax of lesbians, so I can't speak for the shes, but to my understanding they aren't a demographic eager to jam their faces into places even zombies might find stinky. Alas, now that it's becoming more
en vogue to deny sexual access to trannies, OP is likely to find it more and more difficult to find himself a homosexual honey - how unfortunate that he seems to have climbed on the Trans Train right as it's started leaving the Validation Station!
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Yes this is purely anecdotal.
What's crazier is I was pre op before my last relationship and had absolutely no issues matching and meeting with new people and it was minority of lesbians who insta blocked me off being trans.
I recently got back into the dating pool and it's almost everyone I match with that will insta block me after mentioning I'm trans, and it's crazy too,
I pass really well, very well trained trans voice and I've had vaginoplasty and all, so a genital preference isn't a factor here, biological children was never a option for lesbians really anyways.
If you find someone attractive in their entirety, then you find someone attractive period, otherwise you're lying to yourself due to insecurity or fear or even ideology. Someone's medical history doesn't change whether you're into someone, transphobia does ![:\](/styles/custom/emotes/svg/chris-confused.svg "Confused :\")
^)
Okay, maybe the Farms having random outages is making me a bit self indulgent, so you'll all have to forgive me for following up that last post with
yet more transbian whinging. However, unlike the poster before, this Homer in heels can't even muster up the courage to shoot his shot with fillies of the fanny-favoring flavor because he can't shake the feeling that he terrifies women around him like some sort of Gockzilla. In a world where women often fear that meeting up with unfamiliar men may spell their imminent demise, I can't help but look at the problem of "Oh no, what if my profile gets
reported?" as a complete and total nothingburger, especially as the underlying concern is ultimately
being banned for being a fraud. Ugh, isn't it just
so unfair how everyone hates liars?
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Hi lovelies,
I've been on HRT for 2 years now.
I know my body barely changed but at my old and decrepit age (35), my body isn't prob getting any more radical changes. I work with what I got and usually feel good enough about my own image. So I felt ready enough to put my sapphic butt out there in the dating scene because E has left me yearning.
Well that might have been a colossal mistake. Ever since, there's been this lingering feeling in my head that I'll never be seen as a woman and my manly presence is scaring cis women. Maybe it's reading up on all those horrible trans experiences on the apps,
as well as thinly veiled transphobic rants from lesbians about trans women showing up on their dating apps.
But gosh
I'm scared to like profiles of cis women for fear of getting reported. And this extends to any social events. I recently had a "make new friends" dinner thingy and I was the only trans woman there. It felt like I was impostermaxxing. I was going paranoid wondering if they were disappointed to see this "man" in women's clothing.
I don't know how to combat this. It's definitely affecting how much I am willing to open up to strangers.
I don't feel this when I am looking at myself in the mirror all doll'd up. I see a cute girl who could maybe lose some more pounds to return to prime physique (gods I was slim then).
But as soon as I imagine socializing with cis women, and heck, other dolls who no one could guess were dolls...it makes me anxious.
In a show of stunning rationality and mental stability, a self-hating crossdresser wishes the torment of insanity on all who dare to preach the propaganda of body positivity: "It's (basially) a safe form of discrimination," writes OP illiterately, presumably in between violent gulps of bleach. "They baby us and tell us to love (ourself) so they can look at us and feel better in (comparsion)." Look, you yahoos can hate yourselves as much as you damn well please, I just want you to leave kids, gay people and my tax dollars out of it, alright?
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I truly believe that statement is a form of insecurity, people dont want other people to reach their full potential, they love telling " lesser " people to just accept themself because
it's basially a safe form of discrimination, a reminder you'll never be good enough while also claiming that it's ok to not be good enough.
It's quite literally the most offensive statement, they have no idea what we go through, they just know we're not as good as them, so they baby us and tell us to love ourself so they can look at us and feel better in comparsion, genuingly manifest awful mental health to these people and a bunch of body dsymorphia
That last poster made it sound as if letting kids troon out is the key to making them happy, but this user - who describes himself as a "
brainwormed passoid" (slang for a tranny who
thinks he looks female but knows deep down that it's a lie) - proves that this solution has its own problems: despite living the life of a dickless deceiver, "none of it matters" according to OP as he confesses that he's been an empty, soulless husk ever since he hit high school and no amount of girlypop slutpills will ever fill the void. Maybe this is a bit flippant, but has he tried, I don't know, fostering bottle babies from city shelters who will otherwise be euthanized if they aren't given round-the-clock care by a volunteer? That seems like a better way to spend your time than dwelling on the fleeting hour of puberty well into adulthood.
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being trans (especially if you knew pre-puberty but felt compelled to repress it) is genuinely a torture that twists your mind in ways that are unfathomable to cis people. there's nothing that can undo the pain of going through the wrong puberty, knowing it's wrong, and yet being forced to watch as your own body mutilates itself from the inside.
it's like there's a dark, empty hole where my soul should be.
I pass now, I'm actually stealth. I'm post op. none of it matters because nothing will ever actually fill that hole. all of the life was sucked out of my eyes when I was a teenager and nothing can bring it back now.
The Femboy Who Cried Wolf: We all know by now that troons 'n' poons are chronically over-exaggerating everything that happens to them, so take a look at this incident where a tranny regales his fellow 4tranners with a harrowing tale of hate and horror that nearly wound up ending in his suicide. You'll notice that OP doesn't specify what actually happened to him, but he did elaborate further in the comments, so keep this in mind when you read the posts that follow: "
I was at a pub with some friends, my day was slightly spoiled before being constantly misgendered and called they by some guy. We ended up going to the pub i got drunk and decided to go talk to some people on my own." But the trauma doesn't end there as he continues: "
I talked to an older guy about veganism and i flirted with him a little which i feel awful for now, he decided to say “youre not worth fucking unless you have a vagina” and then his friend next to him chimed in saying “we can tell you have a cock” i then obviously was flabbergasted and proceeded to get cornered by these two men towering over me as im shouted at and berated about how “youre shoving it down our throats” “i marched with the gays and blacks in the 70s but the past few years has gone too far”" Yeah, that totally sounds like it's worth killing yourself over! No wonder they stopped classifying transgenderism as a mental illness!
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Today was the first time in months i felt comfortable enough to girlmode instead of boymoding.
Of course I have fun and enjoy myself until im pulled out of my bliss and reminded how much of a disgusting moid i am.
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Finally im unbanned and i can continue the story because that wasnt all that happened.
Nearby there was a gay guy and a lesbian woman and i tried signalling them for help, i mouthed help and stomped my foot near them, their idea of help was to stand up and start walking away then lightly suggest “hey nona lets go sit upstairs” i wish they just grabbed me and forcefully removed me from the situation so called allies. Eventually they both got up from near me and so i was fully cornered in this tiny booth at the pub alone. I think i must have had an episode or smth cause this has never happened before but
i rushed past him and through the pub straight out the door into the street and sat in the alley. Idk what happened to me but i couldnt stop hyperventilating and staring at the floor and i feel like my eyes were glued open.
I remember being walked home with my partner and my friend with no shoes and doing nothing but still hyperventilating and eyes glued open and to the floor, at some point i ended up punching a shop window and now my hand really hurts. I was silent for this whole ordeal not a single word except rapid breathing,
eventually i get home and my first thought was to 41, obviously we have all had bad thoughts and wanted to before but this was smth else. I actually snapped i had all intentions to do it and i wasnt going to stop for anything i grabbed some medicine when my partner wasnt looking and they ended up having to shove their fingers in my throat. Fast forward to being upstairs and
i tried to grab anything sharp i could find again my partner had to forcefully stop me. I remember just holding my shark and crying and screaming into him and then repeating “im alive, im okay” really fast over and over again. I eventually slowly came out of whatever episode this was.
Safe to say i dont think i will be going to that pub anymore and i wont be girlmoding again for a while. Thankyou all so much for the support this really is the only community have and i love you all. Thankyou for letting me vent.
To escape the magnifying glass of "transphobic" scrutiny, a TiF purposefully obfuscates her poonerism in order to have her projects be taken seriously by those who would otherwise dismiss her if they knew the truth. Still, hiding in plain sight doesn't save OP from the pain of witnessing brutal bons mots made at the expense of people like her, as she can't comprehend why people hate others for "being who they are." You know, perhaps those disinclined towards troonacy wouldn't resent people "being who they were" if their self-expression didn't involve the active suppression of other people to the point of putting their livelhoods at stake - just a thought!
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Every fucking day, I have to see transphobic discourse on social media. Trans mass killers this, it's Ellen not Elliot that, shit about JK Rowling upskirting a trans woman. Even in random Facebook groups that I thought were safe, people randomly pop up to say transphobic stuff.
I don't know where I can be safe anymore. Dysphoria is bad enough in and of itself.
I have to navigate this world coping with the fact that I'm in my 20s and years behind most men my age. I have to cope with the fact I'll never get to experience a normal dating life/sex life because it was either looking entirely like a woman and feeling like shit because of the very disconnect from my being (I'm bi, was functionally a lesbian before transitioning because dating men as "a woman" would have made me want to die)
or being myself but doomed to the lifestyle of a monk because peoole are repulsed by our bodies. And on top of that,
I have to be extremely careful who I tell something as important to my life as my journey, because people will hate me just for being trans.
I'm a writer. Can't tell most people I'm trans because they will pick apart everything I do and say. I make music. Didn't tell anyone I'm trans either because some people will trash your stuff because "eww a trans person made this". I want to start a YouTube channel but can smell the comments saying "I see and hear a woman" from miles away.
I want people to like me. One fact of life I have trouble coping with is that people will always dislike you for some reason, because I myself try not to judge anyone and treat everyone neutrally. Even transphobic people, I don't interact with them for my peace of mind but I keep hoping they see the error of their ways someday.
And I just can't fathom that no one ever stops and thinks "maybe hating people for being who they are isn't right". It fucking sucks.
Lastly, a FTM storms out of a family reunion after her brother denies her of her manly masculine maleness for one simple reason: she has no penis. Obviously, this flabbergasts OP as she otherwise "looks and sounds like any other middle aged guy," and now she wants advice on how to force her brother to realize that she's "just as much of a male" as he is. Personally, I always love watching idiots dig themselves deeper into pits, so my suggestion is that OP should show him who the boss is and give him the best wallop a weak-limbed little shrub like her can manage, and I'm definitely not just saying this in the hopes of seeing OP appear on a cop cam titled "HAIRY OLD LADY BREAKS HAND TRYING TO PROVE SHE'S A MAN TO HER BROTHER."
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Not sure if this could go in the transphobia flair but that counts too so just keep that in mind idk. My brother's always been this way. Today at family dinner reunion I decided to go and it was a mistake. I left early because of what my older brother said to me.
Mind you,
I'm not even in my early transition stage anymore. I look like and sound like any other middle aged guy. He looks me dead in the eyes and goes "You can't fool me, (deadname). I know you're still a girl"
And
of course I get mad, and i start arguing. I don't remember what exactly he said or i said but he told me "You're not really a man because you don't have a penis"
I got so angry I just left. First of all- who even says that??? And why?? I guarantee if i didn't know him he would treat me like any other guy he sees on the street. And I'm infuriated.
What do i even say to him after this? Or
how do i counter this weird argument that i need some "real" biological aspect?? Because apparently my very masculine voice and appearance don't matter to him. I really just want him to respect me. And he doesn't.
I mean, he literally goes by a nickname, so I can't see why he can't use my chosen name that's on my legal documents. It's exhausting.
When i walked away today he just laughed at me but I really want to set the record straight with him and get it through his head that I'm just as much of a male as he is.
Sorry if this makes no sense. I'll probably delete this later. Just needed to get it off of my chest.
