If the cult classic rom-coms we obsessively watched on repeat as teenagers taught us anything, it’s that you shouldn’t have sex on a first date.
After all, the key message we were told time and time again was that they’ll never see you as serious girlfriend material if you jump into bed straight away. *eye roll*
But even though we’re old and wise enough to now know that it’s your compatibility that determines if the relationship will go the distance, this key message is never far from our minds on first dates.
One person who is trying to shake this dating myth is sex and relationships writer Mary Rose Madigan.
In a personal essay for Mama Mia, the Sydney-based writer said she’s actually found it to be a “highly effective” approach.
She explained: “Honestly, sleep with a man you are attracted to straight away if you want, it’s fabulous — also it’s very time efficient.”
When she first entered the world of dating, Mary says she felt like she had to “withhold” any kind of intimacy to ensure guys would remain interested in her.
This meant she would “save” sex for the third or fifth date — and by that point, she would be pretty “romantically entangled” with the guy.
She added: “[This] meant if the sex was bad, or it didn’t work, or they were the kind of man that finished within three seconds or didn’t truly understand where exactly a vagina is located, I felt stuck.”
As Mary didn’t think bad sex was a big enough reason to break up, she ended up “dragging out” the relationship — even though she felt deeply unfulfilled.
After going through this process a few times, it dawned on Mary that something had to change and she decided to stop withholding sex.
Describing how it made dating “more fun”, she added: “I wasn’t trying to play a strategic game balancing just the right amount of sexy without ever seeming too much.
“Instead, I was going on what felt right. It was a much more simple and pleasurable system. It also meant I churned through men quicker which was a good thing!”
As this approach helped Mary weed out the guys she’s not compatible with, she said it actually helped her carve out more time for herself, too.
What’s more, Mary says it hasn’t stopped her from finding love either — as she is now in a happy relationship with a guy she slept with on the second date.
She added: “Now we co-parent a pet chihuahua and live in a tiny terrace together. I didn’t even have to withhold sex for all of that to happen.
“Why? Because I met someone I liked, who liked me and the sexual chemistry was there from the very beginning.”
