Theme-songs for lolcows

[Konstantinos]

I can't help but think of this song whenever Jace is having one of those moments where he's sliding between lucidity and being completely delusional.

 

[Golly]

Even though the character singing this is a masterful drag queen instead of the mess that is KaKa Apple Chrisp, I still like applying this to Tomgirl!Chris.

Of course, this also fits Kailyn well, especially if she were going to literally apply mascara as the lyrics dictate.

 

[GREEDY FIREMAN]

Spoiler: Brianna Wu

 

[Conrix]

For the most unhygenic lolcows, especially TJChurch

 

[Conrix]

This would so be appropriate for any hardcore horrorcow.
also Deeker and Sick Nick:

 

[Conrix]

Woody Chan

 

[sparklemilhouse]

I feel like ken would make this his theme.

Kai:

 

[Abethedemon]

Various bronies

 

[Randall Fragg]

Fatman's theme song:

Weird Al is really appropriate for a lot of these guys.

 

[Abethedemon]

Neckbeards

 

[benzodiazepine]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=84v-RtnzYXMNeckbeards

>scootaloo fleshlight
My sides accelerated so quickly into orbit that the compression heating from the atmosphere thoroughly destroyed them.

 

[ShittyRecolor]

I think this suits ol' Chrissie quite well (well, minus the whole "struggling" part):

While this one'd fit a few cows, I also listen to this beautiful Supertramp song every time I find myself procrastianting or being a lazy asshole:

 

[tomgirl4life]

I think Classy Freddie Blassie pretty much nailed all of them...

 

[Conrix]

Butthurt loveshies

Fatman's theme song:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=t2mU6USTBREWeird Al is really appropriate for a lot of these guys.

Fat Acceptance Movement.

Also this for the ones who freak out over every little thing:

 

[COLEGAY TOOTHPISS]

I was going to use this one for tumblrites, but then I realized that it fits well for a wide variety of lolcows.

 

[Roger Rabbit]

Connor

 

[JU 199]

@umad

Metalica- so what

Spoiler: Lyrics

So fucking what

Well, I've been to Hastings
And I've been to Brighton
I've been to Eastbourne too
So what, so what

And I've been here, I've been there
I've been every fucking where
So what, so what
So what, so what, you boring little cunt

Well, who cares, who cares
What you do
Yeah, who cares, who cares
About you, you, you, you, you

Well, I've fucked the queen
I've fucked Bach
I've even sucked an old man's cock
So what, so what

And I've fucked a sheep, I've fucked a goat
I rammed my cock right down its throat
So what, so what
So what, so what, you boring little fuck

Well, who cares, who cares
What you do
And, who cares, who cares
About you, you, you, you, you

And I've drunk that
I've drunk this
I've spewed up on a pint of piss
So what, so what

I've had stag, I've had speed
I've jacked up until I bleed
So what, so what
So what, so what, you boring little cunt

Well, who cares, who cares
What you do
Yeah, who cares, who cares
About you, you, you, you, you, you

I've had crabs
I've had lice
I've had the clap and that ain't nice
So what, so what

I've fucked this, I've fucked that
I've even fucked a school girl's twat
So what, so what
So what, so what, you boring little fuck

Well, who cares, who cares
What you do
And, who cares, who cares
about you, you, you, you, you, you

So fucking what
Yeah

 

[Conrix]

I think this suits ol' Chrissie quite well (well, minus the whole "struggling" part):
https://youtube.com/watch?v=27I8lnK5SgM

Dig around enough in the sea of metal genres, and there's probably songs that click with a few / lot of lolcows in some way.

A handful from my playlist/top of my head:

Spoiler

 

[AN/ALR56]

Lolcow generic theme

 

[Abethedemon]

Calling out - Skiltron

About Chris

Spoiler: lyrics

Release your scream before it's too late,
Forest and river are crying for help.
You will have nothing when the end comes,
Think what you will leave to your sons.

The sun will not rise,
The breath will fade out,
And the sky will lack stars.

Calling out, while blood's falling down
Calling out, this could be the last chance

Did you think that there would be no home?
No place to live, no place to go.
Nowhere to hide of a merciless death,
Killing the earth will be your grave.

I only ask you to look at your children's eyes
And restate what you want for them.

Calling out, while blood's falling down
Calling out, this could be the last chance