The Untold Epics of Lolcows

[Bob's Fries]

I just had a thought after seeing the Alien Invasion thread. How about setting up a story board where people, with some literary talent (I know we have some pretty good writers around here from what I see), make up stories about OPL or other such lolcows?

 

[NoDarkies]

Re: Story Board

One day, Chris went to McDonalds. He ordered his usual and sat around hoping to attract a boyfriend-free girl by keeping his nose buried in portable vidya. The end.

 

[Bob's Fries]

Re: Story Board

One day, Chris went to McDonalds. He ordered his usual and sat around hoping to attract a boyfriend-free girl by keeping his nose buried in portable vidya. The end.

ಠ_ಠ

 

[Niachu]

Re: Story Board

One day, Chris went to McDonalds. He ordered his usual and sat around hoping to attract a boyfriend-free girl by keeping his nose buried in portable vidya. The end.

Brought a tear to my eye.

 

[spaps]

Re: Story Board

Christian Weston Chandler who was Cole Smitheys half-brother was one day in an office typing on a computer. He got an email from his half-brother that said that aliens and monsters were attacking his place and aksed him for help so he went.

Christian Weston Chandler got his computer shut down and wet on the platform to go up to the roof of the building where he left his motorcycle and normal people close because he was in his office lab coat. Christian Weston Chandler got on his motorcycl and said "its time for me to live up to my family name and face full life consequences" so he had to go.

Christian Weston Chandler ramped off the building and did a backflip and landed. He kept driving down the road and made sure there was no zombies around because he ddint have weapon.

The contrysides were nice and the plants were singing and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky. the mood was set for Christian Weston Chandlers quest to help his brother where he was. Christian Weston Chandler looked around the countrysides and said "its a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my brother to defeat the enemys".

Christian Weston Chandler was late so he had to drive really fast. A cop car was hiden near by so when Christian Weston Chandler went by the cops came and wanted to give him a ticket. Here Christian Weston Chandler saw the first monster because the cop was posessed and had headcrabs.

"I cant give you my lisense officer" Christian Weston Chandler said

"Why not?" said the headcrab oficer back to Christian Weston Chandler.

"Because you are headcrab zombie" so Christian Weston Chandler shot the oficer in the head and drove off thinking "my brother is in trouble there" and went faster.

Christian Weston Chandler had to go faster like the speed of sound and got there fast because Cole needed him where he was. Christian Weston Chandler looked at road signs and saw "Manhattan" with someons writing under it saying "u shudnt come here" so Christian Weston Chandler almost turned around but heard screaming like Cole so he went faster again.

Christian Weston Chandler drove in and did another flip n jumped off his motorbike and the motor bike took out some headcrab zombies infront of Christian Weston Chandler. Christian Weston Chandler smiled and walked fast. Christian Weston Chandler then looked on the ground and found wepon so he pickd it up and fired fast at zombie goasts in front of a house.

Christian Weston Chandler said "Zombie goasts leave this place" and the zombie goasts said "but this is our house" and Christian Weston Chandler felt sorry for them becaus they couldnt live there anymore because they were zombie goasts so he blew up the house and killed the zombie goasts so they were at piece.

Then Christian Weston Chandler herd another scream from his brother so he kept walking really faster to get where he was. Manhattan was nothing like the countrysides there was no birds singing and the pants were dead and teh dirt was messy and bloody from headcrabs.

When Christian Weston Chandler got to where the screaming was started from he found his half-brother Cole Smithey fightin the final bosss and Cole said "Christian Weston Chandler! Over here!" so Christian Weston Chandler went there to where Cole Smithey was fighting. Christian Weston Chandler fired his bullet from teh gun really fast and the bullets went and shot the final boss in the eyes and the final boss couldnt see.

Cole Smithey said "its time to end this ones and for all!" and punched the final boss in the face and the final boss fell. Christian Weston Chandler said "thanks i could help, bro" and Cole Smithey said "you should come here earlier next time" and they laughed.

The laughed overed quickly though because Christian Weston Chandler yelled "LOOK OUT BRO!" and pointed up to the top of the sky. Cole Smithey looked up and said "NOO! Christian Weston Chandler run out of here fast as you can!" and Christian Weston Chandler walked real fast out.

Christian Weston Chandlerv loked back and saw Cole get steppd on by the next boss and he was mad and angry.

"I'll get you back evil boss!" Christian Weston Chandler yelled at the top of lungs.

to be continued..?

 

[Niachu]

Re: Story Board

I have set out to write the best, happiest story ever.

Spoiler

One day, Chris started training, saying his prayers, eating his vitamins and being true to himself and his country. Chris became a REAL AMERICAN. The end.

Anyway, if we were to create a board for prose there's no reason to limit peoples' creativity to lolcows, wouldn't you agree?

 

[Dollars2010]

Re: Story Board

Christian Weston Chandler who was Cole Smitheys half-brother was one day in an office typing on a computer. He got an email from his half-brother that said that aliens and monsters were attacking his place and aksed him for help so he went.

Christian Weston Chandler got his computer shut down and wet on the platform to go up to the roof of the building where he left his motorcycle and normal people close because he was in his office lab coat. Christian Weston Chandler got on his motorcycl and said "its time for me to live up to my family name and face full life consequences" so he had to go.

Christian Weston Chandler ramped off the building and did a backflip and landed. He kept driving down the road and made sure there was no zombies around because he ddint have weapon.

The contrysides were nice and the plants were singing and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky. the mood was set for Christian Weston Chandlers quest to help his brother where he was. Christian Weston Chandler looked around the countrysides and said "its a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my brother to defeat the enemys".

Christian Weston Chandler was late so he had to drive really fast. A cop car was hiden near by so when Christian Weston Chandler went by the cops came and wanted to give him a ticket. Here Christian Weston Chandler saw the first monster because the cop was posessed and had headcrabs.

"I cant give you my lisense officer" Christian Weston Chandler said

"Why not?" said the headcrab oficer back to John Freeman.

"Because you are headcrab zombie" so Christian Weston Chandler shot the oficer in the head and drove off thinking "my brother is in trouble there" and went faster.

Christian Weston Chandler had to go faster like the speed of sound and got there fast because Cole needed him where he was. Christian Weston Chandler looked at road signs and saw "Manhattan" with someons writing under it saying "u shudnt come here" so Christian Weston Chandler almost turned around but heard screaming like Cole so he went faster again.

Christian Weston Chandler drove in and did another flip n jumped off his motorbike and the motor bike took out some headcrab zombies infront of Christian Weston Chandler. Christian Weston Chandler smiled and walked fast. Christian Weston Chandler then looked on the ground and found wepon so he pickd it up and fired fast at zombie goasts in front of a house.

Christian Weston Chandler said "Zombie goasts leave this place" and the zombie goasts said "but this is our house" and Christian Weston Chandler felt sorry for them becaus they couldnt live there anymore because they were zombie goasts so he blew up the house and killed the zombie goasts so they were at piece.

Then Christian Weston Chandler herd another scream from his brother so he kept walking really faster to get where he was. Manhattan was nothing like the countrysides there was no birds singing and the pants were dead and teh dirt was messy and bloody from headcrabs.

When Christian Weston Chandler got to where the screaming was started from he found his half-brother Cole Smithey fightin the final bosss and Cole said "Christian Weston Chandler! Over here!" so Christian Weston Chandler went there to where Cole Smithey was fighting. Christian Weston Chandler fired his bullet from teh gun really fast and the bullets went and shot the final boss in the eyes and the final boss couldnt see.

Cole Smithey said "its time to end this ones and for all!" and punched the final boss in the face and the final boss fell. Christian Weston Chandler said "thanks i could help, bro" and Cole Smithey said "you should come here earlier next time" and they laughed.

The laughed overed quickly though because Christian Weston Chandler yelled "LOOK OUT BRO!" and pointed up to the top of the sky. Cole Smithey looked up and said "NOO! Christian Weston Chandler run out of here fast as you can!" and Christian Weston Chandler walked real fast out.

Christian Weston Chandlerv loked back and saw Cole get steppd on by the next boss and he was mad and angry.

"I'll get you back evil boss!" Christian Weston Chandler yelled at the top of lungs.

to be continued..?

Now someone just needs to put Chris' face on this gif:

Spoiler

 

[Bob's Fries]

Re: Story Board

I have set out to write the best, happiest story ever.

Spoiler

One day, Chris started training, saying his prayers, eating his vitamins and being true to himself and his country. Chris became a REAL AMERICAN. The end.

Anyway, if we were to create a board for prose there's no reason to limit peoples' creativity to lolcows, wouldn't you agree?

Otherwise there's no point to all of this!

 

[The Hunter]

Re: Story Board

On my phone, so I'll make this one quick.

Spoiler

Five mies from the town of CWCville, Chris was having relations with a blowup doll. A-Log walked by and yelled, "JULAAAAAAAAAY," and tried his best to hide his six inch fox boner. He then proceeded to make an account on the CWCki Forums, made some 1400 shit posts, and decided to tell everyone about his endeavor in the "story board" thread. Then a fucking skeleton popped out.

Btw, it's 12 am here, so yeah, maybe on like, Sunday, I'll be able to write something that isn't sarcastic garbage.

 

[José Mourinho]

Re: Story Board

Chris, A-Log, DivineAngel, Rika, ADF, Nick Bate, JustinRPG, Rose3212, Pixyteri, Gloria Tesch, MylarBalloonFan, Moleman9000, Onigojirakaiju, Chasethehedgehog, Realmrsoptimusprime, Snapesnogger, Pamperchu and the other lolcows are invited to a knockout fighting tournament.

To be continued.

 

[Bob's Fries]

Re: Story Board

I decided to base one around Fate/Stay Night where OPL summons a Servant. So this one is for you Type Moon fans! Hope I didn't do too shoddy.

Spoiler

It was that one windy night that battered against the windows. Chris could hear the intermittent snores of his mother downstairs as he carefully tiptoed each step above. The creaks that groaned would've given him away, but good ole Snorlax slumbered like a log. Rendering such noises null to detection. The door creaked after countless months of seeing rare use to enter his room. His beloved sanctuary of all he holds dear. The sight of the endless clutter that filled the space assured him. Gave him peace from the dirty dang trolls and jerks.

With a plastic stub of a Crayola marker he had bought from the nearest discount store, the carpet started to dye itself a faded red in the path he drew. A crude circle formed with the most unusual of way of holding a writing utensil. With a grunt on all fours, Chris continued to set to work with an occasional glance at the open book next to him. An almost childish design of a circle-like shape took form. And soon, bastardized letters of Aramaic and Elder Futhark started to fill the inward space. The end result looked utterly horrid. But the Great Chandler nodded with satisfaction of his own handiwork, after all he can do no wrong of the things he put his hands on.

Holding the dusty text he had found in the trash, his cavity-ridden mouth started to speak.

“Shyut. Shyut. Shyut. Shyut. Shyut. Five perr-r-rf-ficshuns fer each r-r-repitition. And naw, lit dah felled sijuhls be annihilaeyted in mah steed!”

The circle started to respond. Illumination filled the room with prana coalescing into one point drawn onto the carpet.

“ – I m-m-make mah oeth heah. I am d-d-dat person who is to b-b-bicum dah vershue of all Hehvan..."

The room rumbled violently as the hoarded. The shelf that once held the Megan Shrine rattled, threatening to fling off all it held for all those years in Christian's life. The Legos he had held dear from the early years of autism startled to fall apart from the bonds of its autistic glory.

"and be thou dah hands d-d-dat protict dah b-b-balance – !”

Then the light flashed as the collection of prana had reached its fruition!

The cringing sound of wood snapping filled his ears as the foundations that held up 14 Branchland Court had collapsed. The adult child had screamed and recoiled back away from the center of the sudden violent activity as dust clouded his vision. Hoarse coughing could be heard from the girth that made up Christian Weston Chandler. And before he knew it, a shrieking shrill of anger and shock brought him back to reality.

"CHHHHRRRIISSSSHHHUUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!"

"GOOD GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SMELL?!"

Edit: Changed Story Board to The Untold Epics of Lolcows.

 

[Stratochu]

Re: Story Board

Chris, A-Log, DivineAngel, Rika, ADF, Nick Bate, JustinRPG, Rose3212, Pixyteri, Gloria Tesch, MylarBalloonFan, Moleman9000, Onigojirakaiju, Chasethehedgehog, Realmrsoptimusprime, Snapesnogger, Pamperchu and the other lolcows are invited to a knockout fighting tournament.

To be continued.

I can see infections from Chris-chan's DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS, surroundings and touching holey butt, from everything about Nick Bate, and DrMusic2 trying to use such infamous things as Andria the ragdoll (named for her troll girlfriend) or her Bruce Campbell action figure as weapons, only to be shot at with Chris' Megatron pistol and the werejohncandy playthings breaking or tearing.

 

[Fialovy]

Re: Story Board

Chris, A-Log, DivineAngel, Rika, ADF, Nick Bate, JustinRPG, Rose3212, Pixyteri, Gloria Tesch, MylarBalloonFan, Moleman9000, Onigojirakaiju, Chasethehedgehog, Realmrsoptimusprime, Snapesnogger, Pamperchu and the other lolcows are invited to a knockout fighting tournament.

To be continued.

Maybe a bunch of them form a team of Power Rangers or super heroes or something? Pooperheros?

 

[The Dude]

The only thing I can manage to do is disgusting Chris/Borb incest fanfic, and I already traumatized everyone with that shit once.

 

[TheIncredibleLioness]

Christian Weston Chandler waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were trolls in the CWCville mall. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Jason Kendrick Howell were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Christian was a mayor for fourteen years. When he was young he watched Sonic and he said to dad "I want to be mayor of CWCville daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY TROLLS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the CWCville mall he knew there were trolls.
"This is Sonichu" the radio crackered. "You must fight the trolls!"
So Christian gotted his Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the trolls
"I will shoot at him" said the cybertroll and he fired the rocket missiles. Christian Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Haed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the trolls" he shouted
The radio said "No, Christian. You are the trolls"
And then Chris was a troll.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

MMM yeah, I'm writing something now. Chris doesn't get out of community service and has to read to kids (why they would let a conviced felon read to kids is beyond me; oh, sure, nothing bad could possibly happen).

I'm on page four right now. I'll post it (in a spoiler) when I get finished. I'm workin' on it!

 

[The Dude]

MMM yeah, I'm writing something now. Chris doesn't get out of community service and has to read to kids (why they would let a conviced felon read to kids is beyond me; oh, sure, nothing bad could possibly happen).

I'm on page four right now. I'll post it (in a spoiler) when I get finished. I'm workin' on it!

Chris isn't a felon. He was charged with a felony but was given a plea deal for a reduced misdemeanor charge.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

OK. I thought he was a felon until he fulfilled the terms of his sentence, so they had something they could hold over his head to make sure he did what he was supposed to.

Thanks for clearing that up.

 

[The Dude]

OK. I thought he was a felon until he fulfilled the terms of his sentence, so they had something they could hold over his head to make sure he did what he was supposed to.

Thanks for clearing that up.

He would be sentenced as a felon if he did not fulfill the conditions of his plea bargain. Until then his record shows him having a misdemeanor.

 

[The Dude]

Alright, you guys have me inspired to take up a Chris/Sonichu fan fiction. I will write the first installment when I get home from work in the hours before I leave for Yellowstone. It will be an introduction of sorts to set the mood and I will continue in a week when I get home. I will work on an outline while I'm gone. I want it to be good.

And I promise no Chris/Barb incest.