A well-known friend, a generous/thoughtful quiet, and softly spoken young man got his first girlfriend. She had just the most horrendous case of bpd and from what I saw he got sucked in fast. Worse, she was manipultive and unhinged. She lied about being on birth control and got pregnant which she later used to manipulatively say that she didn't trust this boy. He wanted to be there for the child and she allows them to raise it together living as a couple. This lasts for a year and a half or so, and I don't hear from him for ages, despite trying to make contact. Assume gone.
I get a message 3 years ago last month from someone I half-recognise as him as a crossdressery type pfp which was one of his new selfies. We catch up living and work situations, and then he informs me of how he only has video calls now with his little boy. Apparently she left him, kicked him out with no notice, and told to leave. He goes. He does this because she tells him she will call the police. Since police policy is to split the male and leave the female at home with the child as a peference they would just make the situation worse, no less than him being a nigger with a tomorrowperson child, and she being white as they come. After a couple months of just nothing in total in terms of father/son contact, she comes back needing money. He provides and she agrees to like, limited phone calls. She asks for more and he is allowed the video calls afterwards.
I saw them a few times in person at this stage and they came to a party I held with some close friends just before covid kicked off. They really changed and not becauase they'd changed into a transwoman. For reference they are tall and Jamaican such that they're like Grace Jones but also an amateur ex-rugby player. Each time I couldn't help but notice how nervous and socially anxious they'd become. They constantly worried about imposing and being a burden and always paid for drinks and things and they were NOT doing that well financially. They looked so uncomfortable and even their laugh was a yikes. Just painfully, obviously broken, and sad.
We lost touch for about a year and a half and then they sent a long apology along with all of the same polite questions we asked of one another last-time we caught up. I find out that alot had happened in that time, oh boy. This is when my friend made the decision to detrans to give his son a normal childhood he had finished mulling over the decision to go back to financially supporting them all (minus him since in reality she spent it fucking all on clothes and takeout). He moved back in and surprise they get back together. She starts drinking now he can effectively look after the son and give her time 'off'. She is a problem drinker and starts hitting him, getting nastier and nastier, then she tries to stab him. He agrees not to call the police but she stops drinking. She breaks up with him only a short time later where in she makes him immediately homeless and only lets him take what he can pack in a very short time, like 30mins iirc. She never drank during her pregnancy. That being said I vividly remember them in their early days wherein she started a fight with with more than one person and another friend when we used to drink together as a group.
Throughout Christmas and early this year they remain homeless and after a month in some type of house-sharing arrangement they got their own place. It took them so long because they give so much money for the boy and his mother. He has not had contact with his son since and when that happened he transed immediately again. I'm glad they are doing well, and I'd tried to help them out by giving them our spare flat but it meant them moving a few hundred miles, and they wanted local council housing in their area. Furthermore they were also reluctant to accept any financial help or gifts at the time. I found that quite respectable in its own way. They are on HRT and seem very loosely committed to living their life this way and I don't attribute his changes to him suddenly thinking he is a girl so much as him being through all of this. His father was taken out of the picture earlier for abusing them as a young child I found out when having a deep conversation with them about it and they know its cope but he thinks it gives him strength. He is painfully nice but is foreveralone and he knows it. He is open to going back to living as a male if and when he feels doubt but claims to have had bad but manageable dysphoria when queried about it alone.
I have a lot of time for him because he doesn't complain much about his lot, and is deep down just a nice boy who wants to be liked a bit too much. Personally I don't care for how he looks but if he just wants to keep his head down and hang out with our pretty boring friend group im not gonna exclude him for being momentarily freakish. He's had enough isolation and I worry about what any more would do to them. Thankfully their life is going alright now, he has gotten some control over his own money and he was finally convinced by other friends to go to court and settle the correct amount of child support to pay. After everything I really stopped hoping he would improve but he surprised me and turned it around a bit. I don't know if I could manage the same.
