A long-as-fuck trip later and we're back at the Temple, and back before High Priest
Commander Stryker Romag.
Romag is thankful for our assistance and then gives us our third task:
So now both Kelno and Romag want Belsornig dead. Bad combination. Let's meander over to the Water Temple and meet this guy that the other temples are treating like the Rat Kings treat the Kiwi Farms.
Belsornig is bad news. He's paranoid, intelligent, and fucking diabolical. He's been watching us through his agents since we arrived in Hommlet and he has an active finger on every pulse in the region. If shit goes on, he knows about it. He will tell you (approximately) how long you've been in the game world, bring up shit you've already done, and he knows what quests you have active.
He also knows that both Kelno and
Jace Romag want us to kill him. Belsornig sees value in us though since his temple is the legit strongest, since he has gone out of his way to make it stronger. The mission he assigns us? Go after a troll chieftain named Oohlgrist and recruit his troll troops for the Water Temple (they are currently freelance).
Politics make for strange bedfellows. Let's see what's up with Alrrem so we don't have any crossed wires.
In contrast to the jocular Kelno, scheming Belsornig and so-chill-he-has-to-be-high Romag, Alrrem is an absolute fucking nutjob and a strong candidate for the best line delivery in the entire game. He is
fucking hilarious. Every single thing he yells is over-the-top ham as if he were trying to actively mutate himself into a Captain Planet villain. Only by either supplicating or threatening to kick his ass can you get anywhere with this assclown.
The Fire
Nation Temple attacked and lost, and Alrrem, formerly the main commander of the temple forces, was disgraced. It's heavily implied he was backstabbed by the other temples who were looking to save their own skin. Though he's an absolute nutbar, Alrrem is no fool and is exceptionally skilled as a commander; his troops oversaw the abduction of Prince Thrommel after the battle, as well as the capture and ultimate corruption of Falrinth, the Wizard we stole the Orb of Golden Death from after
@Shuu Iwamine stole his scrolls and
@BOLDYSPICY! beat him to death with his own spine.
He tasks us with recruiting a Troll named Oohlgrist. God fucking
damn it.
This massive shithead is Oohlgrist, and he's the worst sort of dick imaginable for a troll -
one that's for sale. He's a genius amongst trolls and is actively playing both Belsornig and Alrrem against one another. Fittingly that the giant green asshole is the smartest motherfucker around. You can actually
hire this bastard, and he's one of the strongest NPCs in the entire fucking game, but only if you're evil. He demands a tribute of 1000 Gold for just
talking to him, in a sort of genuinely effective version of the
Nora Reed Maneuver, unless you sweet-talk him or intimidate his ass.
Oohlgrist is a
dick. He'll happily join Belsornig - Belsornig's temple is nascent, and Oohlgrist knows this - but trying to get him to join Alrrem is a maddening endeavor. He turns down Alrrem's offer for Fire resistance and immunity gear, and demands
ten thousand fucking gold to join Alrrem's temple. Not even
@Smutley's honeyed tongue has any help here.
To the best of my knowledge, there's no way around this, and since Belsornig's quests involve killing Alrrem and killing Romag's jailer, I have no choice but to pay it to get as many quests done as possible. I'd be more pissed about this if I wasn't about to make mad bank from selling everything not nailed down in classic murderhobo fashion. Fuck everything.
Alrrem, selfish prick that he is, then gives me a second mission.
Alrrem's forces now need to be fortified. He wants us to hire him some ogres nearby. Either beat them into unconsciousness or bribe them or intimidate them or convince them diplomatically - he doesn't care. It also opens up the last fast travel location, the Ogre Cave.
The ogres here are easily convinced to join up and Alrrem's second quest is soon complete. Interesting side-note: The domains of the temple clerics are always their chosen element (Fire, Earth, Air, or Water) and the Evil or Chaos domain. This comes up rarely, but if you're fighting Alrrem he will Burning Hands your group, and Kelno will sometimes cast Gaseous Form.
Anyway, back to megalomaniacal asshat land.
Alrrem is very happy. However, the third mission is one that we're not doing. He wants us to find and bring him the
Orb of Golden Death. Sorry, asshole, that magic artifact is Kiwi Party property, and if I know anything about anything at this point, it's that giving the golden orb of unfathomable evil power to the single most mentally-unstable person in the entire temple is probably a
terrible idea.
What this establishes, by now, is that you can only do, at most, two or three of the temples' quests:
Kelno's third quest demands the deaths of Belsornig or Alrrem
Romag's third quest demands the death of Belsornig
Belsornig's first quest demands Oohlgrist's loyalty
Belsornig's second quest demands the death of Alrrem
Alrrem's first quest demands Oohlgrist's loyalty
Alrrem's third quest demands the
Orb of Golden Death
I've been told that if you can meet Alrrem early enough, he gives you an alternate third quest instead, where he asks you to settle an argument between his chief clerics. This would let you accomplish three of the temples' quests, but either way, one or two of these assholes needs to die. Looks like Belsornig got the short straw this playthrough.
Unfortunately for us, that giant statue he has isn't some idol for show. It's a magical construct known as a Juggernaut, and it is a terrifyingly strong enemy capable of crushing lesser foes under its wheels. It has spell resistance, high damage reduction, multiple attacks, and hits like a motherfucker. Even Shuu's mighty magic doesn't help much here; this bastard hangs tough and Belsornig is no pushover either. Worse, the Water Temple is defended by clusters of Gargoyles, Water Snakes, and low ranking clerics.
20 minutes later, Belsornig is dead, as is everyone in the Water Temple for that matter. A hero's duty is grim work.
C-No takes a while to patch everyone up after this fucking shambles and we move on.
Kelno is
very happy. So happy that he drops the act and lets slip his goddess' name: Zuggtmoy. Yes, the same one destroyed in the intro sequence. Kelno offers to take us to Hendrak, the Greater Temple master, but there is no need. Kelno got what he wanted and we got the XP for it. I'm not going to the lower floors until I'm good and fucking ready, for reasons you will soon see.
Romag is also very happy and offers to help us the same way, though he's somewhat more suspicious than fucking Kelno is. Again, no need to go to the Greater Temple yet. I showed you guys its floor (the one with Senshock) previously. We're approaching the final third of the game, and we're going to have to do some more fucking quests, but first, it's time for a detour.
Hidden on B4F, we find Prince Thrommel, who Alrrem was gloating about earlier. In his hand, you can see that magnificent glowing thing he's holding - Thrommel has Fragarach, a ludicrously powerful Bastard Sword that I will explain the full powers of in a bit. We break his stasis and try to help him find his feet.
Poor dude's been here for
SIX FUCKING YEARS. He asks us to lead him out, as his Fiance, Lady Jolene, is probably worried sick.
We do so, but not without a detour.
See, Fragarach is virtually the single best weapon in the game that's single-handed barring some very specific builds. Thrommel will not give this up and will not use any other weapon unless it's stronger, which pretty much nothing else is at this point. To get Thrommel's sword, we either have to use a convoluted series of spells, kill him and then revive him after taking the sword, or use a bug to force him to swap items.
If you're doing the Lawful Evil vignette, you have to kill Thrommel and take it. As it stands, Thrommel is one of the best party members for Fragarach
alone - his relatively mediocre stats do not detract from how fucking potent this weapon is in his hands. In fact, there's a special ending for having Thrommel in your party when you beat the game, mentioning how useful he is.
But this is a Kiwis only run. And that sword is sadly vital for something we need to do in this run. So eventually, through a series of spells from Shuu, we force Thrommel to relinquish the weapon. It goes right on Jaimas, who frankly makes better use of it.
Thrommel doesn't even seem to notice the loss, and is thankful, promising to thank us when we get to town. He offers to reward us, and
for the love of god and all that is holy, fucking accept. If you refuse the reward.... Well, you'll see why that was fucking dumb soon.
About 25 days later, a knight named Lord Grundwell tracks us down on the world map.
Grundwell brings us our rewards:
Thanks to us finding Thrommel,
he just got married, solidifying one of the most powerful alliances in the region.
He gives us all a shitload of goodies: Each one potion of Cure Serious Wounds, a Ring of Protection +1, and 2000 Platinum - which is the equivalent of
twenty fucking thousand gold.
We are also
fucking knighted by the Kingdoms of Veluna and Furyondy. We are now officially minor nobles in
both territories.
And the biggest reward of all: The magic sword Scather.
Scather is essentially a
twin of Fragarach.
If you refuse the reward, you get
none of these. Sometimes greed is
good, Kiwis.
So, about Fragarach and Scather then.
Only Neutral Good, Chaotic Good, and Chaotic Neutral alignments can use them.
Scather and Fragarach are major artifacts known as
Swords of Answering. They are Anarchic Holy Bastard swords that gain a damage bonus against evil creatures and can do a retaliatory strike if you are hit, hence the name. The Anarchic (Chaos) trait of the two swords can kick in approximately
never, since almost nothing in the temple is lawfully-aligned, but the Holy attribute sure as shit will. Additionally, the weapons are Brilliant Energy swords, which means they ignore armor bonuses to AC. On a character like Jaimas or Boldy, this means they will virtually
never fucking miss unless they roll abysmally. The downside is that the slashing damage from them won't effect non-living things like constructs or undead, but the alignment effects still can.
The only difference between Scather and Fragarach is their size and color. Fragarach is a standard Bastard Sword and thus can be used with 1 or 2 hands; Scather is large and can only be swung 2-handed. Jaimas gets Fragarach, and Boldy gets Scather. With this, our two melee fighters have their best gear.
As fucking ridiculous as these weapons are - only a few weapons we can find and make come anywhere
close - we're actually going to need these fucking things to stand more than a chance against one of the bosses ahead. Interestingly, both Shuu's best weapons are ones she has to create - something true of Smutley's swords as well. With this we're armed for the final third of the game, but the hardest fights are still ahead of us.
