🗑️ Trashfire StyxHexenhammer666 / Tarl Warwick - Oddball Occultist Neckbeard (who can make some interesting content) + his many scorned exes

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The Dark Lord VarVyk Warwick of the RapeDown Clan, Lord of Castle VarVwyk Chassana on High, His Most Pickled and Unsteady Lordship, Tarl Edward Warwick Styxhexenhammer666, First of His Name, Lord and Child Occupant of Castle Warwick at Four-Hundred-and-Forty-Four Chassana, High Warden of the Rutland Shire Drainage Ditch, Baron of the Broken Screen Door and Garage Turned Mudroom, Duke of the Unmowed Back Acre and Bio Charred to Oblivion Garden, Earl of the Permanently Parked Avalon, Viscount of the Brown Threadbare Cloth Recliner, Protector of the Ruting Propane Tank, Keeper of the Sacred Frayed Extension Cord, Master of the Three-Legged Grill, Guardian of the Dented, Rusted and partially mounted Satellite Dish, Heir to the Cracked Plastic Lawn Chair, Commander of the Order of the Yellowed-Armipitted Tank Top Under Temu Pirate Garb, Grand Marshal of the Unrunnable Riding Mower, Lord Admiral of the Aluminum Fishing Boat Still Sitting on Blocks, Keeper of the Seven Empty Cases of Milwaukee’s Best, Bearer of the Ceremonial Gas-Station Sunglasses, Champion of the Twitter Argument, Terror of the Dollar Store, High Priest of the Warm Alcoholic Drink Sacrament, for his Lordship cannot wait for the booze to obtain proper drinking temperature, Prime Patron Mascot of Unpaid Child Support Bills, Sovereign of the Garage Refrigerator, Emperor of the Cigarette-Burned Mattress, Duke Paramount of the Muddy Unpaved Driveway, Grand Vizier of the Arrest Warrned from multiple states, Warden of the Cats That Always miss the Litter Box, Keeper of the Mystery Tarp, Master of the Crock-Pot Walmart Food-Slop, Defender of "Gourmet" Frozen Pizza, Breaker of Toilet Seats, Misplacer of Reading Glasses, Collector of Bent License Plates, Unlicensed Physician of the Kitchen-Table Hangover Cure, Knight Commander of the Sacred Narcoleptic Nap, Conqueror of Neither Sobriety nor Basic Household Maintenance, and Eternal Castellan of Four-Hundred-and-Forty-Four Chassana, in the Damp and Questionably Incorporated Shire of Rutland.

Hear ye! Hear ye! Attend now the proclamation of the lands held beneath the noble and intermittently conscious authority of His Most Pickled Lordship, Tarl Edward DownRaper Edward VarVyke! Behold the ancient Shire of Rutland, that emerald jewel of western Vermont, nestled among the Green Mountains like a cigarette butt in a bowl of decorative moss. From the misty ridges to the sacred drainage ditches stretch his lordly dominions: rolling forests, muddy lanes, abandoned campers, and broad ancestral lawns upon which four dead vehicles and one uncertain jalopy slowly return to nature. Here stand the great manor houses of the realm, adorned with blue tarpaulins, buckling porches, satellite dishes, sagging window air conditioners, and noble extensions constructed through the gradual accumulation of plywood.

Know also the riches of this countryside! Its streams run clear from the mountains before passing beneath rusted culverts and carrying away tires, shopping carts, and objects whose ownership remains disputed before the court. Its fertile fields produce maple syrup, venison, five-gallon-bucket tomatoes, and riding mowers preserved indefinitely for parts. In autumn the hills blaze red and gold, drawing travelers from distant lands to admire the beauty, purchase artisanal syrup, and avoid prolonged eye contact at the gas station with the local Methame Street characters. In winter the snow mercifully conceals the lawn furniture and appliances; in spring the thaw reveals them again, while every unpaved driveway becomes a defensive moat against tax collectors, process servers, and probation officers.

Therefore let all who enter Rutland conduct themselves with proper reverence! Salute the Barony of the Dirt Floored Mudroom, bow before the Duchy of the Permanently Parked Camper, and show respect to the Brotherhood of the Suspended License, whose members travel by divine right despite the objections of the state. Disturb not the porch dogs named Diesel and Ruger; question not the mystery tarp; and speak no ill of the sacred garage refrigerator. For these are the proud lands of Lord Tarl: fair as an English shire when viewed from a distant hill at sunset, yet close at hand enlivened by warm beer, scratch tickets, Twitter feuds, unmuffled jalopies, and the ceaseless hammering of a man who insists he can fix it cheaper himself.
 
Última edición:
mickrussom dijo:
Tarl Edward Warwick
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What in the heck did you do, Mick?!?! Did you give the ai some prompts to include Krang, A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles villain? I don't know why but this picture gave me the major heebie jeebies. Like way worse than Krang.

Tarl appears to be alive today. Maybe. I thought I saw he tweeted something about Pokemon.
 
HerTea Pants dijo:
What in the heck did you do, Mick?!?! Did you give the ai some prompts to include Krang, A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles villain? I don't know why but this picture gave me the major heebie jeebies. Like way worse than Krang.
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That is Tard depicted as Krangs body, but emaciated and riddled with alcoholism, with Stole-Ass as Krang's brain controlling it. Courtesy of a Chinese LLM.


HerTea Pants dijo:
Tarl appears to be alive today. Maybe. I thought I saw he tweeted something about Pokemon.
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Wow, a two-for, RazorFistingAss responding to Tard's proclamation that a N64 game, Pokemon Snap from 1999, is underrated.

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Última edición:
mickrussom dijo:
That is Tard depicted as Krangs body, but emaciated and riddled with alcoholism, with Stole-Ass as Krang's brain controlling it. Courtesy of a Chinese LLM.




Wow, a two-for, RazorFistingAss responding to Tard's proclamation that a N64 game, Pokemon Snap from 1999, is underrated.

Ver archivo adjunto 9312842
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That is the first not bat shit insane thing he has said in a while.
 
mickrussom said:
That is Tard depicted as Krangs body, but emaciated and riddled with alcoholism, with Stole-Ass as Krang's brain controlling it. Courtesy of a Chinese LLM.




Wow, a two-for, RazorFistingAss responding to Tard's proclamation that a N64 game, Pokemon Snap from 1999, is underrated.


top tier twitter at this rate wtf
 
DominoPetachi dijo:
My all time favorite composers. They make the best sound tracks along with John Carpenter/Alan Howarth

Firestarter, Escape from New York, The Terminator,
and Risky Business have some of the best scores in them.

Damn. You even had Demon Seed on that list. I think you’re missing The Brood (1979), The Bad Seed (1956), The Devils (1971). Then you gotta add all the rest of the classic horror like The Exorcist. Then 70s giallo films like The House with the Laughing Windows (1976), The Bird with the Crystal Plumage (1971). Pretty much anything from the 70s is good.

Great list tho!
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Don't forget they also did Sorceror, who I'm pretty sure William Friedkin picked and called to ask if they would do it while high as shit and after they said yes the studio (who thought he was insane/idiotic for picking a prog rock band to score the edgy criminal drama in the jungle) couldn't cancel the deal and they just went with it.
 
Ya know, for all the shit we talk about Tarl's appearance, to his credit, Styx does look like what a real 17th century swashbuckler might have actually looked like: missing teeth, dirty and unkempt, scrawny and malnurished.

Tarl just took it the extra step so he looks like he's been keelhauled and marooned a couple of times as well. Gotta give him credit for authenticity.
 
UCantCCPMe dijo:
Gotta give him credit for authenticity.
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Impressive dedication to the craft, for sure, and he really dug booth temu boot heels in on recreating the abuse of alcohol as part of his method acting - but the has yet to start modding his lingo and speaking in the pirate vernacular. Pirate patter tardicaca. Fun fact the pirate dialect we all think of when we see tard and want to apply that pirate argot is actually closest to the west country accent in England, around Devon, Cornwall and Somerset.
 
Nutty Norman Plot twist:

1. Guy has toxoplasmosis in the brain, in addition to liver cirrhosis.

2. He sleeps on the floor on a blow-up mattress in a room where they keep all the litter boxes. The smell of feces and pungent cat piss wafts through the room. The floors feel sticky and granular.

3. His final video about Vats (cats) is done as he decays away in a small room, surrounded by litter boxes and cats, making a video while talking to and meowing at the cats. His nails have grown long like claws and are encrusted with black filth and cat feces from digging in the boxes.

They say that toxoplasmosis takes over the brains of mice and draws them closer to cats...

On another note, here is the 2026 list of dis-eases that would cause the CDC to be reaching out to him (assuming he wasn't lying again by moving his lips) (several of these are zoonotic; however, toxoplasmosis is not on the list):

Current List Overview (2026)The full searchable list is available on the CDC’s NNDSS site (ndc.services.cdc.gov). Here are major examples from the infectious disease category (not exhaustive):

ndc.services.cdc.gov
Bacterial and Parasitic:
  • Anthrax, Botulism, Brucellosis, Campylobacteriosis, Chancroid, Cholera, Coccidioidomycosis, Cryptosporidiosis, Cyclosporiasis, Ehrlichiosis/Anaplasmosis, Giardiasis, Gonorrhea, Haemophilus influenzae (invasive), Legionellosis, Leptospirosis, Listeriosis, Lyme disease, Malaria, Meningococcal disease, Pertussis, Plague, Psittacosis, Q fever, Rabies (human/animal), Salmonellosis, Shigellosis, Syphilis, Tetanus, Trichinellosis, Tuberculosis, Tularemia, Vibriosis.
Viral:
  • Arboviral diseases (e.g., West Nile, Dengue, Zika), Hepatitis A/B/C (acute/chronic/perinatal), HIV, Influenza-associated pediatric mortality, Measles, Mumps, Novel influenza A, Mpox, Rubella (including congenital), Varicella, Yellow fever.
Other Notable:
  • Candida auris (clinical/screening), Carbapenemase-producing organisms, Foodborne/Waterborne disease outbreaks, Invasive pneumococcal disease, Spotted fever rickettsiosis, Streptococcal toxic shock syndrome, Viral hemorrhagic fevers.

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So not making videos. Not being a parent. Not owning up to his mistakes while hiding from justice. Not even tweeting. Just sitting alone in a room with Pokémon Snap and booze as entertainment. All with the looming prospect of burning in eternal hellfire because he sold his soul to an owl.

What a life!
 
AncientPhosphur dijo:
So not making videos. Not being a parent. Not owning up to his mistakes while hiding from justice. Not even tweeting. Just sitting alone in a room with Pokémon Snap and booze as entertainment. All with the looming prospect of burning in eternal hellfire because he sold his soul to an owl.

What a life!
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What a lifeCOACH!

Watch his 100s of educational life coaching videos and learn from the best about everything from cooking to career advice, parenting, financial investing, sobriety, and relationships. All of these advice videos are done in an extra haughty tone to interject a command of authority and wisdom where there is none. Only a self-proclaimed "linguistic master" such as himself could achieve such charisma.
 
Battlefield2142EU dijo:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=HV5UEBl3ROIhttps://youtube.com/watch?v=BJNM61akC2QNigga still sperging over people rejecting his message that eating healthy is Woke.
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Seeing how he looks now makes me never want to even take a sip of alcohol again.

Not that he was ever a mascot for healthy living, mind you, but the rapid decay of his appearance is actually frightening.

He looks emaciated and bloated at the same time, and he looks like he's aged 20 years in a span of not even 2 years.
 
StarkRavingMad dijo:
Seeing how he looks now makes me never want to even take a sip of alcohol again.

Not that he was ever a mascot for healthy living, mind you, but the rapid decay of his appearance is actually frightening.

He looks emaciated and bloated at the same time, and he looks like he's aged 20 years in a span of not even 2 years.
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I've known lots of chronic alcoholics who lived well into their 70s.

Tharl is really going all-in on the booze to decline at such a rapid pace like this.
 
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