Stupidest Comic Book Storylines

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And that's all without getting into some of the sidestories like the infamous one where former alcoholic Sally Floyd lectured Captain fucking America on what it means to be a real American because he wasn't up on the latest pop culture swill like who won American Idol. Civil War gets praised quite a bit by people (for reasons that are beyond me) but I think it might be "patient zero" for so much of the toxic trends of Marvel's creative that continues to this day.
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preach on. I've always hated CW and felt its popularity signaled my time with superheroes in the past. The character decisions were baffling but continued on into all other stories. As much as I enjoyed the more recent Secret Wars crossover, Cap and Iron Man in particular acted like the same generic figureheads they were in CW and nobody batted an eye.
 
Then we got emo speedball and Cap's "death" that ironically made headlines
oh yeah Speedball mattered for some reason lol

A bit of an older one, but a pretty infamous one: Avengers #200. For those unfamiliar, Immortus' son Marcus takes Carol Danvers to Limbo, impregnates her, erases her memory, then sends her back to reality. Oh, and he uses mind control to get her to fuck him.. Bear in mind, she has no memory of any of this and therefore has no idea why she's suddenly pregnant, a fact made even stranger when she gives birth a couple days later. To Marcus. During this whole thing, the Avengers are congratulating her on her pregnancy and her new child, in spite of the fact that she doesn't understand why any of this is happening and clearly isn't happy about it.

Then Marcus grows to a full grown adult in a very short period of time and Carol decides to take off with him to parts unknown with a very clearly romantic/sexual element to this pairing.

So, we've got mind-control rape, quasi-incest, and the Avengers sitting idly by while one of their own takes off with a guy that, at no point, seems remotely trustworthy.

Ignoring any of the feminist critique of the issue as being misogynist or whatever, the story's still pretty awful. The fact that one of their team shows up mysteriously pregnant in a manner that's biologically impossible is seen as a cause for celebration, when it should rightly be seen by them as a cause for alarm. Marcus telling Carol that he wooed her in Limbo with his charm and mind control machines, without any suggestion in the story that maybe that's a little inappropriate; in fact, the story seems to almost suggest their tryst was romantic, even while explicitly mentioning that mind control machines were involved. The Avengers basically just going "welp, what you gonna do?" when Carol and Marcus take off. Everyone's just so out-of-character throughout the story, and the story itself is pretty dumb.
if Star Trek TNG was willing to kinda shrug and roll with it when Troi got SPACEed then I'm willing to accept capes doing it too
 
Has anyone talked about the Joker becoming the representative for Iran at the UN in order to avoid retribution for murdering Jason Todd? He got diplomatic immunity. They didn't mention it in the animation for Under the Red Hood because it's hamfisted AF lol but he wears Iranian robes and does Joker shit and it ain't appropriate but it is hilarious. Just kill him lmao
 
İf Bruce wants to aid and abate murderer fine with his shall not kill, harm or in any way inconveniance them. But JFC would he STFU with the shit talking of normal plebes (police, military, Joe and Jane Doe) who had to kill somebody in either self defense or defending someone else.
 
Same thing with Supes and Lex

Although this is one of the reasons I love Wonder Woman
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Haha, she's so full of shit. Wonder Woman is a hero whose arch nemesis is a woman who looks like an extra from the movie Cats. WW has the same problem Thor does in that most of her rogue's gallery are generic monsters that don't have any staying power because they're fucking lame. Like how many times has she "dealt with" a minotaur, a hydra or a medusa over her career? Dozens? Hundreds?
 
WW has the same problem Thor does in that most of her rogue's gallery are generic monsters that don't have any staying power because they're fucking lame.
Or they are actual deities and so it's questionable if they can even be killed. Part of why Cheetah keeps coming back is because they are basically the avatar of a god.
 
Archie meets the Punisher: I expect Archie using guns and I don't remember Frank killing anyone, just knocking them out or throwing cakes
compared to most of the shit that's come out of marvel archie vs the punisher is top tier thunk material instead of REPUBLICAN MAN BAD
 
Última edición:
Well I would say turn all the most popular heros to minorities because too many cis het white men. Just few years back Hawkeye and Thor were women, Captain America was a black man, Ironman a black teenage girl, Spiderman a black mixrace teenage boy, Wolverine his female clone and Hulk an asian guy with mohawk hair. I don't know if that counts as that wasn't exactly storyline just an insane company wide mandate. Kinda funny how they went so all in, including loudly insulting fans that were not happy and telling that Marvel doesn't need their white manbaby money, but then they had backpedal so fast.

But witch story line that lead up to that was the worst. It's honestly hard to choose. Trying to side line Peter Parker again despite it so famously failing with Clone Saga plus something something Miles is much better and the tragedy of Ultimate universe being destroyed. Riri is a horrible person that made more sense as a villain than as a Tony's choice to be the next Ironman. Steve Rogers as a surprise nazi was just confusing. Still I probably go with Thor as that one got me intressed this mess and that was strong case of lost potential.

I have loved myths since I was a little kid and have had issues with how Marvel's Thor is nothing like actual norce mythology. Don't get me wrong I'm no purists. I'm fine with some changes or inaccuracies, as there are many versions of same myths, this Thor is more inspiration not adaption and just what makes a good story. Still Marvel was so far away from myths and many of those changes make no sense (like why isn't Thor a redhead?) that I found it irritating.

So when I heard that Marvel were making Thor a woman I was excited as I thought they were making something with actual mythology. In the myths norse gods gender was clearly something they were able to change depending on circumstances (for example Loki is daddy to some of his kids and mommy to others) but Thor has famous story where he cross dresses, so I thought they were going to do something clever with that. Something like gender being a choise with their kind but Thor has never been able do that so he has been technically handicapped and now he changes some reason witch causes identy crises but not the reason might expect. Nope nothing like that, Thor is now a tittle instead just a name that gets given to a some rando lady and the actual god is unworthy becouse Nick Fury whispered something mean. The lady Thor whose identity was secret turns out to be his ex and she has cancer, and they don't do anything with those. The lady Thor is of course better Thor than the actual Thor and everybody loves her exept sexist bad guy meanies. Oh and she gets together with the Black Cap.
 
Y'all talking about the status quo being maintained for Spider-Man to keep him a teen was dumb, imagine how pants on head exceptional keeping all of humanity be awful monsters is, in your comic about a realistic take on Marvel.

I'd probably say the worst ongoing storyline I had ever read was mutant discrimination in Ultimate X-Men. I forget most of it because it was so dumb, but it was probably the thing that killed the UMU. Humanity was virtually antifa, except they were somehow all puritanical Christians. I seriously can't think of one moment an average joe schmoe said "Hey, they're not all bad" if they weren't tangentially associated with an X-Man.

It was so ridiculous, that even after like 99.9% of all mutants were cured in a dumb annual or whatever, and there's less than 200 mutants left, the majority given a death trap of a reservation in the worst part of a desert, far, far, far fucking away from civilization, humans still try to fuck with them.

The way they handled it was so exceptional that Magneto, a villain written to be as delusional and psychotic as can be, was fucking right in saying mutants couldn't co-exist with humanity. No matter what good deed one would accomplish, they were still viewed as Satan himself. Even when propped up by "the good guys" aka Shield and the Ultimates, mutants still got viewed as if it was only a matter of time before they killed everyone around them.

It was so encapsulating that most of Ultimate Spider-Man's bad public image came from people thinking he was a mutant. I mean, say what you want about people hating the mainstream Spider-Man for fucking "spider man bad" newspaper articles, but people automatically assume that just because he has powers, he's a mutant and ergo, must be hated, despite tons of debuting heroes getting idolized by people with nary an accusation in sight. Granted, this is more of Bendis being a lazy writer, but the point stands damnit.

I never got past the point of Jean Grey being enthralled by some kind of mutant god to fuck with Kitty Pride, but I imagine it got worse before the Ultimate Universe got nixed. Probably Apocalypse, or Onslaught, or the Dark Phoenix showed up to whine that they weren't getting respected and killed all the nonbelievers, leaving only five people left carrying the banner of hope. God, kill me.
 
Ultimatum pretty much killed the Ultimate universe (either that or killing peter parker) and was genrally unpleasent and depressing to read.
The Littlest Shitlord summerized the problems earlier with marvels comics perfectly on page one, the problems are inherant in the system, eventually they all turn to shit because they cannot be allowed to progress or end.

Which is incredibly ironic because the reason they got such massive appeal back in the 60s was the fact that shit seemed to progress, Peter went from a freshman to going to college, you saw other superheros deal with aging and young adult problems. And honestly the comics would have been better off if they kept that up, im sure Franklin Richards would have had a gohan, esque popularity in the 80s, plus most of the shittiest parts of the Marvel universe are the retcons anyway. This deals with that. The only big problem with that would be that marvel hasnt come up with a good superhero in decades. Although at least with having new generations they could be criticized less for their massive differences in characterization.

Look at Spiderman, if they continued their real time aging, they could have made Ben Reilly a clone but a teenage one, have Pete and Mary fuck off to portland and things could have been ended up ok. Have Pete waiting by the phone to give advice but also realize hes in his 40s. And then it could lead to Miles in the 2010s without as much controversy either. It wouldnt necessarily make the universe better, but at least it would sort of force writers to come up with better villians and stories and allow them to keep writing stories dealing with modern problems. And then they could just go "obviously a black girl replaces Tony Stark, Tony is 80 years old!" Instead of the bullshit explanation they do give.

"Of course the woke zoomer heroes are better than the boomers. Have you tried to fight a 70 year old its incredibly easy"

Also just from what i know of writers, the idea of Franklin richards, a nepotistic hire having to prove hes as Fantastic as everyone says, would have been incredible fodder for stories.
 
Oh I forgot to mention Gay For Justice

In which Lian Harper dies for no reason (apparently linkara went nuts reviewing it), Batwoman is touted as a main character when shes literally a glorified cameo, Also DEATH BY WOODEN ARROW
 
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