Stupid things you thought as a kid - we were all dumbasses when we were kids

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There was a bit in The Emperor's New Groove where Yzma and Kronk try to poison Kuzco. For an instant, they think they succeed and Kuzco's head falls into his plate. Yzma says, "Now, to get rid of the body!" I interpreted this to mean that Kuzco's head was dead but his body was still alive, as in it would be able to operate with a dead head and Yzma and Kronk would have to kill the body too.
 
I used to think that banks had drawers for everyone's money there. If a robber happened to steal from yours you were broke.

As a toddler I thought a tornado was actually giant potatoes or tomatoes riding in a car though neighborhoods. The siren was to worn people to get away from them or they would kill you. I thought was from their car too and they were giving you a chance to live. But if you were out and about they would gun you down. I suppose I thought this because tornado, tomato, and potato all have "toe" sounds at the end.

I thought babies came out a woman's butt.
 
Chan Fan dijo:
I asked my mom about why Santa was overweight and why kids were encouraged to give him cookies and she said there was some correlation between his fat and his magic
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To be fair, keeping an eye on every kid in the world, overseeing a bunch of elves AND maintaining a marriage would make me want a ton of cookies too.
 
When I was a kid my family told me that if I ate a lot of peas I would grow up to have huge titties. I wanted huge titties because I thought they functioned like a second pair of arms and I wanted to use them to control the TV without getting up or having the remote.
 
I used to be afraid if I looked out the window at night there would be a vampire out there and it would invite him in. I know exactly where this was from, it was from the Salem's Lot miniseries.
 
I thought 9/11 happened during 1911, despite being old enough to actually remember 9/11. I for some reason never connected the two dots until 5th grade.

Not a local dijo:
I always thought something was behind my shower curtains waiting for me to piss, then jumping out at me. I honestly have no idea where this fear originated.
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I did that too, but because my brother did actually jump out of the shower when I went in to take a piss a couple of times.
 
That the end goal of cunnilingus was to pee in your partner's mouth. The idea of sexual acts that weren't for the purpose of getting pregnant was entirely new to me.

Also thought that tampons were supposed to be wedged between the labia majora like a hotdog in a bun.
 
When I like 5 I thought the Backstreet Boys were a street gang who also made music since I heard kids at school mentioning them and their name sounded all "urban". Like I imagined there were like 15-20 members (a mix of white and black guys) and they'd hang out in alleys with boomboxes and guns. I probably had heard their music at that point but didn't know who it was by so instead I thought they were pretty hardcore.
 
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AnOminous dijo:
I used to be afraid if I looked out the window at night there would be a vampire out there and it would invite him in. I know exactly where this was from, it was from the Salem's Lot miniseries.
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Pussy, you could be a vampire now, and with the added charisma and suave vampires naturally have you'd be the best attorney in America, dazzling everyone with your diamond skin as you walked into the courtroom. Sadly, you turned your back on the gift and only became the blood-sucking leech known as a "lawyer".
 
I kept hearing about Pope Francis on the news and I thought that he was the world's most wanted serial killer.

And for some reason, I thought the guys from Top Gear (Tanner Foust, Adam Ferrara, and Rutledge Wood) were always watching me from inside closets. Whenever I happened to be alone in a room with a closet, I would always check in there to see if they were actually there.

I could've sworn there was something else I was going to add.
 
I used to think Spaghetti-os were tasty. I also loved microwaveable TV dinners because of the novelty, since I had good parents who made sure I rarely ever had them. I had bad taste in food when I was a young kid.
 
I thought you could be a mermaid just by putting your legs together and moving them in the water.

...Yeah, where's my mermaid tail? :mad:
 
That wearing shorts was nerdy

That I could never step on cracks or lines in sidewalks, floors, or in line with the ones on walls

That fatness and stomachs were something only women had, and that fat people were pregnant

That James Bond technology was real

That gold could be made from piss
 
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I thought God lived in my garage. I also thought babies in the womb could see through a woman's belly button like a peep hole
 
I thought Airheads candy made you feel lightheaded when you ate it. I don't even know why, probably from the commercials where kids heads turned into balloons. Definite placebo effect on me too, from what I remember. I really "felt" it.
 
When I was in 6th grade, I thought the term "balls dropping" meant that men werent born with balls. I thought they just dropped out of the body/formed one day during puberty.
I also thought Al Qaeda was a country.
 
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