Okay. This is true. It happened to me, I was stone sober, and The Knife was there. You can ask her for conformation if ya don't believe me.
I had a really weird nightmare about ducks before this happened. I didn't remember all of it, but it somehow involved a flock of ducks pulling me apart as the drowned me. I woke up the next morning really shook up about it- I have a severe water phobia- but finally shrugged it off as just a bad dream and went about my business.
About a week or so later, I was asleep beside my wife. It was about three or so in the morning, and all was good with the world. The knife later said she was woken up by what she thought was the sounds of a hurt animal on our backdoor concrete stoop, that was about two hundred yards from a lake. She got up, tossed on a robe & walked to the back door- unlocked & opened it- and guess who was standing there on the last step?
I shit you not. It was a duck. A brown one, calmly standing there.
The Knife left him standing in the doorway, with the door open, and padded back to the bedroom door, where she calmly woke me up and simply said "I think it's for you". I grumblingly got out of bed, put on my glasses, and walked into the kitchen to the back door, thinking it was just another one of my dumb-ass friends in a jam. Then I saw the duck in the doorway, in the moonlight. As soon as my brain registered what it was....one thought consumed my mind.
He's come for me.
So I snatched my halberd off the kitchen wall and went right after his ass. Stark naked. The Knife said I was ringing sparks off the concrete steps & walls with my blade as I swung, and I swear to God here, the duck was just calmly dodging my strikes. After about two or three dozen swipes in about thirty seconds I just slung the halberd at him- which he easily dodged- and screamed at my wife "GET MY SHOTGUN!
When he heard that, he just calmly flew away. I've been uneasy about ducks ever since. I know he's still out there someplace.