Say something to your assigned government agent. - Reach out to the lurking alphabet agents.

[LazloChalos]

Hi, we haven't really talked but I just wanted you to know something.

I don't know how long we have been together, but I do know this is not what you signed up for. You were once a wide-eyed idealist who just wanted to do something for his country and you end up monitoring a sped, one who you think might do something but simply wastes your time with wikipedia binges, shitposting and a considerable amount of the day dedicated to pornography.

So much pornography.

"This time I will get him!" you often tell yourself, but I end up looking at depraved, but legal, content. You often wish my browsing of extreme ideology would pay off but that never happens.

I know I am not easy to deal with, and that my browsing habits could use a little work to spice up your day. I want you to know that even though you may not get the glamorous assignments, or even basic fieldwork, your job is no less important.

You matter.

Those others who are getting all the glory wouldn't be able to do so if someone like you wasn't wading through the muck to free up their time.

And I for one appreciate and respect your contributions.

Glow brightly you magnificent bastard.

 

[GogglyGoblin]

if your a girl pls be in london

 

[The Last Stand]

@Dom Cruise is who you're after, not me.

 

[Robert James]

If you're a chick hit me up, you know my number, I don't even care if your ugly/old/fat I just want the privilege of saying I tamed my FBI tail who knows it may lead to marital bliss and we both know how lonely you are.

If you're a dude, hit me up and we'll go to a bar together. You'd be one of the best yet most interesting wing-men I have had, I mean you already know everything about me, it's your job.

 

[William Tell Underpass]

Where do I get the crazy (legal) porn?

 

[Red Hood]

I already snitch on everyone. What more can I give?

 

[verissimus]

I'm a super secret under cover government agent with a higher clearance and rank than you. Go away.

 

[NIGGER ASS PEE POOPY RAPE]

one of the best things about being a career criminal is not having diversity hire coworkers. best of luck to you and Agent Shaniqua in pinning anything on me lol, don't forget to apologize to her for your male privilege today.

 

[HarveyMCR]

What do you think of my new avatar background? I spent waaaay too much time in MS Paint making it

 

[Rumpled Foreskin]

It’s been a fun ride, chum. Hopefully it’ll go on a bit longer. Be safe, have fun, and be happy.

Oh, and can you guys do something about the people and entities trying to destroy civilization, only to rebuild a post apocalyptic dystopia? Thanks, pal.

 

[DumbDude42]

to annoy the glowies who watch my traffic, i browse gore and furry porn sites every day

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

Send me a pizza.

 

[Coffee Shits]

Listen, you don't need to open that encrypted store. Linux ISOs! All FOSS, you see. Nothing to be concerned with.

 

[Some JERK]

Could you please make sure that my official file photo is the one where I'm shitfaced, wearing the sombrero and the "Jesus did 9-11" t-shirt?

 

[TFT-A9]

Quit digging through my recycling bin, you faggot. There's nothing interesting in there and you keep leaving cans out to attract ants and shit.

 

[TerminalTryHard]

I was just kidding, bro.

 

[Rafal Gan Ganowicz]

Alex Hundert was responsible for derailing that train in Emo ON during the ANTIFA/Indian blockades. Do your fucking job and arrest him rather than wasting your time on me, you fucking faggot.

 

[Absolute Brainlet]

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

Want to be my gaming buddy, glowboy? It'll be so much fun. We can farm in Stardew Valley, have Doom death matches, and make an awesome base in some survival crafting game.

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

I've seen you tailing me and that's why I usually chug a big thing of Kefir yogurt and blast my surroundings with lactose intolerant farts.

I will destroy you with my lung searing farts, eventually.

The raspberry is the best flavor.