Salad Theory

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Dr. Ricearoni

Dr. Ricearoni

i have no nose and i must sneeze
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kiwifarms.net
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8 de Feb, 2019
So I've been having arguments for years now about salad. Why? Because salad doesn't exist. You cannot meaningfully define salad without making decisively unsalad-like things a salad. At least, that's what I thought until this week when I stumbled upon Salad Theory. It took what I had taken to be proof that salad didn't exist and completely turned it on its head and proved, definitively, that salad DOES exist, and almost anything edible is a salad, or a saladoid. (Or a soup, but there's no distinction between a soupy salad and a salady soup)

Being that I now, as a kiwi, possess this knowledge, it is my duty to pass it along to you.
I'd try to condense it down for extra readability (all my tl;dr fellas will weep upon the sight of this obelisk generated by the salad equivalent of AM) but alas, salad just cannot be defined in such a succinct way. So what do you consider a salad? Has salad theory changed your perspective on salad? Am I the retard for considering a rootbeer float a salad, or are you a retard for being too scared to open your mind?
 
Yeah unless something is leafy and preferably green at its base then it isn't salad. I'd allow for ingredients like broccoli to make up the green content as well, or yellowish leafies like endives to make up the leaf content.

The gradual undermining of salad values has been going on for a while mainly because people allowed shit like tuna salad, macaroni salad, and egg salad to be called salad, even though they clearly have nothing to do with salad.
In what way is fish, mayonnaise, and seasonings a fucking salad? It should be called "tuna gloop", but trying to market tuna gloop would be much more challenging.

This is the price of tolerance among salad progressives. Much like the concept of gender, the concept of salad has become meaningless.
 
I use the etymology of the Roman "salata," short for "herba salata" literally salted vegetables but specifically a dish of vegetables seasoned in brine as my guide. Caesar salad is a salad, potato salad is a salad, macaroni salad is probably a salad unless some Jack Scalafani tier glop of just mayo and pasta, and things like watergate salad or ambrosia are not. "Salty" and "vegetables" are the important parts.
 
Última edición:
Ultrapenguin dijo:
Yeah unless something is leafy and preferably green at its base then it isn't salad. I'd allow for ingredients like broccoli to make up the green content as well, or yellowish leafies like endives to make up the leaf content.

The gradual undermining of salad values has been going on for a while mainly because people allowed shit like tuna salad, macaroni salad, and egg salad to be called salad, even though they clearly have nothing to do with salad.
In what way is fish, mayonnaise, and seasonings a fucking salad? It should be called "tuna gloop", but trying to market tuna gloop would be much more challenging.

This is the price of tolerance among salad progressives. Much like the concept of gender, the concept of salad has become meaningless.
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So Tuna Salad and Egg Salad are not salads, sure, fine, I'm willing to accept that. Fruit salad, of course must also be excluded, as well as chicken salad and pasta salad. We must, however, consider sauerkraut a salad, as it is primarily cabbage and its weird juice is the dressing.
 
According to Salad Theory:

Sandwiches​

All sandwiches are salads; they just haven’t been tossed yet. Typically they have a low soupiness coefficient (unless the sandwich is particularly soggy).

Sandwiches have low entropy (because they are “un-tossed” salads), however they have enough entropy that they are considered full salads instead of low-entropy saladoids. This is because they have more than one ingredient.
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By this logic, a hot dog is a salad, as is an ice cream sandwich.
 
1681t15.jpeg
Tuna salad sandwich.

wholesomeyum-keto-peanut-butter-and-jelly-sandwich-3.jpg
Legume salad sandwich.
 
I always like to joke on that everything that isn't a soup is a salad, because salad can contain dairy, bread and meat.
 
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