Randy: Yeah it was the weirdest thing, lemme hit you with this. I've never told this story before so I think the best thing to tell you first is the facts. You [the presenter] told me how you like Borderlands and I keep my work with me at all times. I'll carry my work around on a memory stick and now today I have these crazy encrypted memory sticks...like...you have to punch in passcodes...
Presenter: I assumed if I had one of your memory sticks I would have all the secrets...
Randy: Today if you had one you would not be able to...it would delete itself.
Presenter: Let's assume I could, assuming I knew anything about video games making...I could have access to your secrets
Randy: Yeah because people wanna know what we're working on, whats coming next...
Presenter: Yeah
Co-presenter: If you had it then you would know it was a video game and they were working on a video game. There done.
Randy: So anyway, I was...I was watching camgirl pornography. Do you know what camgirl pornography is?
Presenter: Is that the interactive one?
Randy: Y-yeah what you do is get a webcam, and you point it at yourself an-and people will watch the video of this, and egg you on by giving you money personally as you take your clothes off.
Presenter: People give *you* money?
Randy: No the girl, the girl...or the guy! Guys can do it too. Like all kinds of people do it.
Presenter: Have you done it?
Randy: No! I was - I was wat- I was a consumer of this content
Presenter: Yeah you were purchasing...
Randy: So this had been kinda a thing for a while, I had just discovered it and... um...this wasn't...this wasn't like, yesterday, but this was a little bit back. I had just discovered this and I was just fascinated like WTF. Like...when I was a kid, you paid a bum $5 to buy you a pornographic magazine from the liquor store. That...that's how I got access to pornography when I was a kid. I have a teenage son so I was like...this is fascinating.
Presenter: So this was like a bonding exercise with your teenage son
Randy: So I'm going down this rabbit hole an...and I'm like...there's hundreds...just, these little thumbnail images of...of different performers doing their bits and this one...I can't quite make sense of what the little thumbnail image is, so I'm looking into it and - it's a woman masturbating ...and when she...uh when she has an experience that appears to be like she's having an orgasm, a huuuuuge amount of fluid comes out of her vagina. She has some sort of explosive orgasm.
Co-presenter: It's spray, it's spray.
Randy: Yeah I know, I've seen squirting. This was different, it was coming out of her vagina hole. It wasn't coming out of the urethra an-and it was pouring out, and also it was white. Pure white
Presenter: Oh god I'm gonna have to put a warning on this podcast.
Randy: [laughs]
Co-presenter: She had a tube under her with milk squirting out.
Randy: This is not a sex worker, this is a fucking magician. And so apparently what you can do is they make videos and they can sell them. So I...I purchased one of her videos, I wanted to watch this...I wanted to...
Presenter: You wanted to work out the method.
Randy: Yeah I wanted to work out the method, and I...it was late...so I copied over to this memory stick an-and I go on my way. It turns out it was a magic trick, she's...a combination of like camera work, and slight of hand, and I never saw...like...a turkey baster or whatever it was she was using to deliver.
Presenter: Right.
Randy: ..the fluids, but there was some method here that was like OMG this is genius. But that's not the point. The...um...the point was that I had this on the memory stick. This was before I had learned that I should probably have password protection on my memory sticks.
Presenter: Ah.
Randy: So I...I don't need to explain how, but the...the memory stick was somehow no longer in my possession.
Presenter: Oh God.
Randy: ...and it was discovered at a Medieval Times. Have you ever been to...
[briefly off tangent about how some locations differ with a dragon slaying event]
Randy: she...she was a magician guys, I'm telling you, and I was...it was hot...a little hot and...
Presenter: Ah.
Randy: and I'm not saying that I wasn't enjoying myself.
Presenter: So you lost this thing at the Medieval Times.
Randy: ...and didn't know I lost it uh, um....
Presenter: Whats that on your shirt
Co-Presenter: Stop interrupting his story!
Randy: It says Knowledge, Wisdom, Truth.
Presenter: Do you have that embroidered on all your shirts?
Randy: Y-yeah all my shirts are Robert Graham shirts that my wife gets me...yeah that's kind of the motto of theirs
Presenter: That's not a Randy Specific thing?
Randy: Nah but I think I like it. Knowledge, Wisdom, Truth right? We could all do with some more of that.
Randy: So um... a couple weeks later apparently some kid, an employee of the Medieval Times discovered this memory stick, took it home, and accessed it because it was not...it was before we were password protecting an-and discovered secrets of my company and future games in development an-and also discovered the pornography.
Presenter: [starts laughing]
Randy: an- it-it-it was bearly legal porn! This girls handle was "Only18"
Presenter: Oh no!
Randy: Yeah... that was her handle...
Presenter: Don't you have to be 21 in the US?
Randy: I don't know....I just saw a magic trick and I'm "that's a fucking magician!"
Co-Presenter: No it's 18
Presenter: Not only am I gonna have to write a warning about this podcast, I'm gonna have to send it to my lawyer to say if we can even put this out.
Randy: [laughs] Oh shit. Well...we'll see, we'll see. If you need to edit this out you have plenty other content.
Presenter: I'm sending this to your lawyer, I'm not making my lawyer do this! I'm sending to yours!
Randy: [Joking] My lawyers like "It's fiiiine" no uh...
Co-Presenter: So what happened?
Randy: So he decided that the right thing to do would be to inform uh us and return it to us.
Presenter: For money?
Randy: Uh no, he didn't extort us.
Presenter: Ohhh what a nice...
Randy: He totally did the right thing. We hooked him up with some swag and a bunch of video games and stuff but he didn't...
[slight veer off course to magic stuff]
Randy: So when he delivered this memory stick, I was outta town, so it got handed to my personal assistant and she decides she's gonna look at the contents as well
Presenter: Ah gawd.
Randy: So before I know it, the entire office looked at...and it was *one* piece of content on here, and it never occurred to *any of them* that the reason there was that single porno on there was because of the magic trick. Not because of...I dunno what the fuck they were...an-and one of the lines that I heard was..."you know, the kind of porn that randy likes" as-as if anyone knows...do not look at my browser history!...that is a dar- that is nothing! That was a dark path.
Presenter: Magic Based Porn! The kind that Randy likes, is the sort with a very good method behind it.
Randy: The...the porn that we need and use does not need to be downloaded to memory sticks, that's the magic of the internet.
Presenter: It's disposable.
Randy: Infinite porn, that's magic in itself!
Randy: So I er I dunno, if that rumors peculated around my company.
Presenter: Well that's why your on the podcast to address it
Co-Presenter: We would like to remind people, it's the kind of porn that Randy watches.
Presenter: So I've sent this podcast to...
Randy: You don't understand she's a damn magician.
Presenter: I do understand
Randy: I was like "Wow she found an angle and she's sold at least one video to me because of this method" I think she's on to something. So - I'm trying to get subscribers up for my magazine so we're gonna get her on the cover uhh and have her talk about her method!
sure, that happened Randy
