random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Bessie]

Didn't your vice president beat the shit out of his wife, hold a gun against her head and then say if he was going to kill her he'd use his hands at which point he strangled her until she lost conciousness last year?

 

[SIGSEGV]

Kevie is proof why even a benevolent god would consider drowning humanity at least once.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

I also somehow managed to mace my balls by scratching them after I got maced. Do not recommend.

 

[Distant Stare]

Then, I make sure to study the passages of The Bible that justify rape

 

[Table Country]

The Dunning-Kreuger meter just fucking exploded.

Edit so I don't double post

Thank god null has such a massive monster cock that there aren't enough blood in his system to make it fully erect, a full erection would make him lose consciousness.

 

[Spedestrian]

I had to explain to my mom what "gay ops" were

 

[SIGSEGV]

All roads lead to the New Zealand Department of Agriculture.

 

[CobraPlissken]

That is the single most lumpiest, sickly green, malformed vulva I have ever seen.

August more like Augunt

Who knew I'd get this far into male adulthood without confronting my internalized 2in1phobia?

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[Doctor Placebo]

Not particularly funny, but quoted for truth.

If those in power are ever viewing your "revolution" as a marketing opportunity instead of cowering in fear and sending in the troops, news flash: you're a useful idiot, not a revolutionary.

 

[verygayFrogs]

Maybe I hate the feeling of having leg stubble and I like rubbing my smooth legs together like I'm a cricket.

Amber dump in your mouth?

Well, if I didn't have a reason to neck myself before, you just gave me one

Pretty sure amber using your face as a toilet would do the job

 

[SIGSEGV]

You made me legitimately like a furry sportsball story and I don't know how to feel about this, Norman.

 

[UncleTusky]

(Josh didn't give us prayer hands so have the gunt instead)

 

[keyboredsm4shthe2nd]

* a pop sound is heard from the distance... *
"MOM! MY VAGINA EXPLODED AGAIN AND SOMETHING DOWN THERE IS STIFF!"

 

[Local Fed]

I was thinking about Nick last night (don't judge me, I couldn't sleep)

 

[Bessie]

He hasn't worked out (in true lolcow fashion) that arguing with or fighting the farms is like figuratively grappling a tar baby of shit, you gain nothing other than being stuck and covered in shit.

And all the while, we may be both covered in shit but we're the ones laughing.

This side of the internet really is like a fucking abyss I dont know how our dear leader keeps his sanity.

 

[Return of the Freaker]

A period, like punctuation not like a crimson waterfall

You next next Susan! (Spins wheel) four hundreds words on Why Elbows are Racist by 4pm!

Thousands of years from now everything left of us will probably be bleached graffiti saying ACAB BLM with smileys and dicks around it with some fossilized fecal matter around the area left over after a chimp out.

Imagine being intimidated by a dot, zoomers need a world war to die in droves in.

 

[Medical Hawaii]

Anyone: So how's dilation going? Have those nerves woken up yet? Is your vag indiscernible from a cis one?
Kevin:
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"Do not continue the conversation here I do not care fuck off fuck off fuck off"

 

[Thornforg]

His daddy's a Glowing One and they're trying to keep his long-expired 15 minutes of fame on life support.

Even if Destiny existed i would not bow before it.

I'll tolerate your astrology stuff if you stop ghosting me the moment I tell you the truth of how the lizardmen rule the world.
It's a two-way street, honey.

She’s going to cannibalize her brother’s kids to keep them from usurping her.

fuck off we're full

It's middle of the road between economic refugees and target practice.

You can literally tell it's a primitive shithole and a worthless country from outer space.

 

[MediocreMilt]

Time to get back in the gym!

 

[Mr. Bung]

Sorry about the late reply. I want to masturbate. I'd masturbate her. I'd masturbate me thinking about her. I like her face when she cums, even though I think the finger licking would be more convincing if it were a wet dick. I seriously think this chick just wants to cum hard and that turns me on. I'd like to help with that program. Tax free!