random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Sneed's Feed n Seed]

no, theyre in the 1300 newton mark

humans are in the 1000 newton despite having less jaw muscles, cuz ur flatter face gives u betetr leverage

also psi is a bad measurement, rats have 7000psi bites, crocodiles have 5000psi, does a rat have a strionger bite than a croc?

also also, they are only 1.2x stronger for their weight, but they only weigh 50 kilos at most

also also also, thats only talking upper body, cuz they knucklewalk, but if you measure lower-body as well, you are much stronger

also also also also, they are mostly stronger in pulling motions (like swinging from trees) , in pushing motions (like chucking spears or throwing hands) u vastly surpass them, cuz again, leverage works both ways

bitch i can lift 153 kilos and i am a midget, and i can crack open pecan nuts and small rocks with just my bite alone (if a rock is smaller than my jawbone, i can crush it) (been strength-training my jaws, cuz i might be caught without a eapon and need to maul someone)

ive been training for years to beat up a chimp
ive been play-wrestling with a donkey from time to time (donkeys fight differently than horses, they throw their weight around and use bites to keep you pinned, the donkey is friendly, he knows its just playing, so he doesn't use all of his strength, if he did, i'd not be talking to you here, but i can wrestle a 300kg donkey for short periods of time, he isnt castrated, so u gotta respect him or he'd fuck you up, he's a sweetheart tho, unless he smells a mare or smth, then i gotta wrangle him away from the scents)

 

[TEA 3HF]

Attention feature tourists: This is a very slow thread and @CatboyCumDump is a very dedicated a-log who has thoroughly documented Elijah Schaffer's mental decline over months. Each page here is rich in video clips and archives. Consider not shitting it up with low-effort takes.

IDK, something about an announcement regarding high-quality posts including "CatboyCumDump" fits the site.

 

[Lokenstien]

this guy is a triple banned pedophile and you guys gave him as much attention as humanly possible so he will soon be a quadruple banned pedophile getting attention.

 

[Tom Arnold Schwarzenigger]

I VAS JUST GOONING!!! I DIDN'T KNOW IT VAS DIDDENBLUDDEN GOONS!!

 

[Pedophobe]

I DO NOT FUCKING LOOK LIKE MEG GRIFFIN

 

[Aunt Carol]

This isn’t trans stuff, this is being shitty to women stuff.

did the cops confiscate her pants for being hideous????

Might I interest you in GURPS, a system for people who will definitely never have sex?

I don't usually check a person's ID before hitting them with my car.

"Dave, do you wanna get a paper route and earn some extra cash?"
"No thanks, I'd rather be a massive jobless faggot when I grow up!"

 

[Cun75p4rkl35]

I know the answer. You take those nigger babies and you punt them into the bonfire.

 

[Meat Target]

You will learn more about tech, rhetoric, logic, online culture, human psychology and whatnot by spending time watching retarded spergs shitpost than spending time acting cultured on reddit. Thats a fact and I am glad I did.

What the fuck is a Safari game? "Ok, you be the young white child alone in this tent, hearing nothing but footsteps outside, and I'll be the gorilla who took a bunch of gas station boner pills..."

 

[WhoBusTank69]

That sounds dumb, I will just continue calling him a black jew until I see evidence he is not one.

 

[RomanianSchizo]

While you were doing drugs, I studied schizoposting.
While you were engaged in premarital sex, I practiced schizoposting.
While you spent months at the gym for the sake of vanity, I was schizoposting.
And now that the demons are here you're all unprepared, except for me.

For I studied schizoposting.

I'm Mike Penis.
I'm named after my dad's penis.
I get into every club.

I have shit things smarter than this critter.

As time goes on, I feel better and better about becoming a racist.
If only I could stop being attracted to women of different ethnicities, that would complete my transformation.

So speaking from experience--when I take a dump, it usually is a soft, splattery mess that's 75% in the water and the rest in the bowl above the water level.

The great sewers of Rome, London, and Paris have never been graced with my fecal matter, nor has my fecal matter had the same pleasure.

 

[The best and greatest]

how do i delete my account here?

 

[Gog & Magog]

Hi there, I'm Dax, I am a transmasc person with Autism and NPD who has been SENT HERE TO STOP THESE TERRIBLE ACTS OF SIN against autistic people, all that you SHITHEADS do is just bully people with autism and laugh in their face while they cry because they don't know proper self defense, well... I am here to STOP THAT CYCLE! I will be well known as the person who stopped Kiwi Farms AND Encyclopedia Dramatica!

I don't remember hiring you.

There's only two things I hate in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.

 

[Tablet County]

does the prince of all saiyans make a good seasoning?

everyone come look, these two idiots are fucking in the sacred field of inexplicably high quality tool steel the cool skull god built.

IDI AMIN WILL HANG ANY BLACK WHO STEALS STEALING IS NOT UGANDA YOU ARE AN ENEMY OF UGANDA IF YOU STEAL YOU ARE NOT BLACK IF YOU STEAL

LORD GABEN AND HIS TEAM OF LAWYERS LAUGH AT YOUR PUNY LAWSUITS.

GRIMBO, BRING LORD GABEN ANOTHER 2 LITER OF MOUNTAIN DEW AND ANOTHER BAG OF CHEETOS. YES, THE BIG BAG!

 

[Meat Target]

That's like a fucking Leyline Nexus of Niggardry. Stolas himself couldn't make his way there and keep all 4 tires on his car. Get the fuck out of here. Don't be retarded.

You know, there are better ways of dealing with moon crickets than blasting Ram Ranch through tornado sirens

 

[Aunt Carol]

Psssst. The Elites don't want you to know about this but death of the author is free, and you can make up whatever interpretation you want. I have 538 Fascist interpretations of ostensibly left wing works at home.

Also Garfield can cum. Not sure why he would know, he has never had any control over Garfield as a character.

Payday loans are actually quite worthwhile if you're a heroin addict.

The only thing garfield hates more than mondays is heterosexual sex with a woman... that involves a condom.

Woke: Orcs are NIGGERS.
Broke: Orcs are WYPIPO!
Bespoke: Orcs are ISRAELI JEWS!

It feels like we are slowly entering a reality like Shadowrun but a lot more boring and gay.

You're not thinking three dimensionally fat enough.

3% of this thread is 2 niggas yelling about monkeys. Just throwing that out.

Your Jewish ancestors would be ashamed, if they weren't made up.

Moving to Florida and working for a septic tank company is a fairytale ending for any of these kids.

 

[Disc]

8 KILOMETERS OF COCK

Since Anthony Karmelo is to be jailed in the US, it is more culturally sensitive to use miles, as opposed to kilometres, when speculating on the total amount of cock that might be forced inside his ass.

 

[Tom Arnold Schwarzenigger]

your voice cast is a fucking transition timeline

 

[Return of the Freaker]

It's kind of like the Israel thing, if you get hit by 109 boyfriends...

 

[Tom Arnold Schwarzenigger]

"chad" is a state of mind. You can have good physique while being retarded niggercattle.

I exhaled sharply from my big scary jewish nose reading this

 

[often puzzled]

You can’t work from home AND put LSD in your eyes at the same time.