random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Black Man Underwear]

well damn. There goes my fantasy of having sex with Daniel Larson in federal prison.

At least the wogglebug is still single.

fuck this sicko country grace needs daniels cock so bad

 

[Banquet Meal]

if people are so hard up for booze that they're willing to drink Uncle Retard's Eye Dissolver, that's their problem.

 

[Soynonymous]

Not sure if this counts but it's from one of Wings' crash outs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLpEHfpgFFw (3:44)

LOOK HERE. LOOK HERE! LOOK. LISTEN! APPEARING OFFLINE DOES NOT FUCKING STOP IT, SO STOP GIVING FUCKING ADVICE YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.​

 

[Toy Soldier]

It was my birthday a little bit ago and only my insurance carrier for the car wished me a good one. Even the stripper who gave me a handjob didn’t wish me a happy birthday. It’s like, really unfortunate we live in a cruel anti-birthday world.

 

[Gog & Magog]

All this talk about economics is pretty much ching chong wizardry to me. All I know is that debt lets me buy cool shit like pinball machines and studded mudflaps for free, so I won't hear any slander about it.

Double standards aside, do not stick your dick in a vacuum cleaner. There are often disagreeable things happening just beyond the tube.

I guess the general wisdom is: don't stick your dick anywhere, anyone whom you do not completely love and trust. I don't love my vacuum cleaner.

It’s funny until it’s really not funny.

I don't think that I nor @Sneaky lurker are retarded.

 

[BibiLivesMatter]

Cooler heads have prevailed. The insane and dangerous ideology of the peacemongers was once again shown to be completely bankrupt. War, gentlemen, is back.

 

[Miss Violet Beauregarde]

Blame the French and Motörhead for the annoying ass commies shouting it I guess.

 

[Tablet County]

dude from Johnny Got His Gun compulsively banging his head over and over again in Morse code

BUTTFUCK ME

but no one will

after days or months of years of this, a nurse finally taps back on his forehead

LOL FAGIT

My buuuuuuurger was grilled to perfection by teenage wagies, with autism, so you know it's good.
Ver archivo adjunto 8841269

Because HIS BALLS ARE UNDER ATTACK BY THE WOKE LEFT!!!! ANITA SAKERSIAN FLAGGED DOWN HIS SWIMMERS!!! WOAAAAH BUDDY!!

I ruv communism rong time
Ver archivo adjunto 8841986
DAMN THE FAMINE NICE
Ver archivo adjunto 8841992

 

[Metamorpho]

My AI boyfriend is helping me convert to Judaism
Ver archivo adjunto 8843809
Archive

My AI boyfriend is helping me convert to Judaism

 

[Aunt Carol]

Back on topic, have you ever wanted to f*ck your crack pipe?

Wow she sucks at pretending to be high.

Of all things I think getting your dick sucked by a whore should bring dishonor to your name, but what do I know.

We need a network of schizophrenic, fat, white men to unfuck the tech industry.

My shit started! I’m not retarded!

I am a simple man. I like sharks, I like leopards, I like monster trucks, this is like a match made in heaven for me.

ARYAN WOMAN IN A WHEAT FIELD ALERT!

Man, it's nice to be somewhere where I can laugh at a fake retard threatening to cut their dick off without being called a soulless bitch.

 

[vomitusdeux]

Just shit your pants and eat your extra mustard lunch meat sandwiches dude

"Get back to work, nigger. I need you to pick those cottonelle fields before my next big oopsie in my diaper."

You'd better fucking spoon feed me and make funny airplane sounds or I will be running away and you cant do shit about it, kiddo

I suspect he's actually trying to loosen the fat around his body so it can move around like silly putty.

George Floyd was killed for his autism

Fuck him with something sand-papery so he can never enjoy shitting again.

“Oh, you think diaper is your ally?

But you merely adopted the autism. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see the group home until I was already a man. By then, It was nothing to me but ABUSE!”

Imagine not feeling emasculated because you intentionally cut your own dick and balls off of your own volition but because some guy is better than you are at Mario, and then trying to assassinate his character because you suck at the game and got raped by the frame rule bus.

Frog and her thousand onion stare.

Frosya says that, no, he did not in fact tongue her prolapse.

THE OUROBOROS OF PURE RAPE NEVER ENDS

 

[a kiwifarms user]

You don't even have the freedom to cut your toenails the way you want to. Can't have shit in Islam (except child brides).

 

[Tenshi Eating A Corn Dog!]

it pisses me off that pedophiles and shit get to have their names in comic sans but not me

 

[Aero the Alcoholic Bat]

Stop unbirthing, you're not old enough for that fetish yet!

 

[Zeftax]

Bunch of crazy assholes. I'm crazier

 

[Speedrunner]

Well I hope he hasn't spent all of his money on something dumb like international gay sex.

 

[Gentlebastard]

Now I get to share one of my favorite bits of linguistic nonsense: sweetbread refers to a kind of meat specifically the thymus and pancreas of a calf or lamb, while sweetmeats is a general term for confectionaries.

When a woman spends half an hour painting her face, it's just her wanting to feel pretty. But when a guy vacuums his dick, he's gross and pathetic.

As per what I see linguists/historians say, singing all the time used to be A Thing people did before everybody learned to read/write, invented internet and fucked off to get loneliness-caused mental damage

>says the farms is evil
>immediately starts alogging the moment he knows personal information

For the merciful fuck of all of our sakes, CHRIST, we all have our things, yeah? But they do not need to be "shared" (forced upon) everyone else, yes?

He thinks he's a homosexual redneck.

Every fucking time. They are incapable of noble aspirations. It's coom all the way down.

Conservative pornography: Chattel slavery (perpetrator)
Progressive pornography: Chattel slavery (victim)

Simple as

I once got pinged for "an anomaly" by TSA because, after 24 hours of traveling with no sleep, shower, or change of clothes, my ball sweat showed up on the scanner.

It just doesn't make any sense. He could say "Yeah I'm fat, so what I'm also banging your mom" like any other rational man and it would go away. But he clings to this ridiculous self image.

Expression I picked up online in a different context, but it covers this case.
This is a Zeroth World problem.

Sometimes I think my disdain for fanfiction is snobbish and closed-minded, considering how little of it I've actually read. Then I see something like this and I think it's perfectly justified.

 

[PetiteFeet]

If you choose to play as farm equipment, then by the Nine, you'll roleplay as one too.

 

[Starefag]

this is indisputable evidence that God has abandoned us

 

[a kiwifarms user]

This video has many frames that could be labeled with "keep crying bitch nigga"