Powerlevel bait thread

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I'm not actually a nurse. I'm barely even CPR-certified because the partner I got stuck with in CPR class was a 350-lb woman and it was such a size disparity that I couldn't get my arms around her for any of the practice Heimlichs.. even the alternate ones just for saving fat people. That was a bad day..

So don't choke around me. Even if you're skinny. I don't know what I'm doing. (:_(
 
I learned how to chug whiskey by holding my breath (you can't taste anything without a sense of smell, try it) and it's the only way I survived the military.
 
I am dissapointed that you guys haven't said the most obvious one.

I am a furry with a micropenis.
 
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