Future/moving plans were changed, it feels unfair, and I feel left out with only bad options available.
It's as the title says. I feel I'm being put into an unfair spot, with my only options having bad outcomes either way. I don't know what to do.
Some context. I, 26F, have been dating Ned, 32M, for a good chunk of years. He has been dating his other partner, Mia, 26F, for a few years longer than me. Mia is from Wisconsin, whereas Ned and I are from Ohio. A few years into their relationship, Mia moved to Ohio to be with Ned. Other partners came and went, and then I joined the picture.
Mia had always told Ned she wanted to move back to Wisconsin to be closer to her family, and he had promised her they’d move. When I started dating Ned, I was told this was many years away still. Then, Mia realized she needed to move back sooner. It was decided that they would move the next year. I decided I would go, too, as I wanted to be with Ned and figured the change of pace might be nice.
The three of us lived with Ned’s mom to save money, and planned on doing so for one year to save up money before making the move to Wisconsin. A few months in, Mia visited her parents for what was meant to be a weekend, and she ended up staying there, which really broke Ned. (She was also trying to physically avoid a toxic ex, so moving states was helpful in that.) She and Ned were then long distance for the rest of that year, until he and I made our move to Wisconsin to live with her.
The plan was always that Wisconsin would be temporary. I had no intention of spending the rest of my life there, and neither did Ned. Mia was reluctant in saying she’d leave for Ohio again, but she said she would eventually. Ned said 5-7 years max, I said I could probably do 3-5.
Well, it’s been a year. I have absolutely hated it here. I don’t have any friends, they’re all back in Ohio, and while I’m not close with my family, my chosen family is there too. I’ve told Ned that maybe 2 years is my max. He says that isn’t enough time, that he wants to give Mia more time here with her family. Then Mia told us that she actually never wants to leave Wisconsin again, she wants to spend the rest of her life here. (She's also worried about her ex continuing to stalk her if she returns to Ohio, which was a problem before we moved.)
That threw an absolute wrench into things. This was always supposed to be temporary. Ned said he would still want to leave Wisconsin though, that leaving Mia here would be incredibly tough, but that he wouldn’t want to be here forever. Then, Ned and I made a trip back to Ohio for my birthday, to visit my friends. I haven’t been happier the whole year. I finally felt alive again. Ned, however, hated it, and said he realized he has too many bad memories in Ohio, and doesn't want to move back there. So now, he says he is okay with being in Wisconsin indefinitely. He says that if I want to move back to Ohio, that’s my own choice, but that it would lead to us breaking up, because neither of us really want long distance. I told him we could make something work, but he said no, that would be a hard boundary for him. If I move back to Ohio, we’re done.
I really don’t know what to do. I want to continue living with Ned, I love him very much. But my heart is in Ohio, where my friends and chosen family are. I need my support system. And I’ve also begun a budding relationship with a years-long friend back in Ohio, so if that grows into something more, I’ll have a partner in Ohio as well. Ned has been dealing with insecurities about this, and especially because they live in Ohio, he worries that I’ll leave him. I continually reassure him that I don’t want to leave him.
So now I only seem to have bad choices ahead of me. I either continue living in Wisconsin with Ned and Mia, where I am functionally miserable, or I move back to Ohio, which would lead to Ned breaking up with me, which I don’t want.
Any advice on the situation as a whole, or what I should do, is appreciated. I really just need some outside opinions on the whole thing. I know that I should follow my heart and move back to Ohio, but I really really don’t want to break up with Ned, and he really doesn’t want to break up with me, either. Is there anything I can say, any argument I can present that would make him reconsider doing long distance, or moving with me? Thank you in advance.
Edit, small update: Ned clarified that he wouldn't want to do ldr for an indeterminate amount of time with me while I'm dating someone in person back in Ohio.
